Muppets x Female!Muppet!Reader

Season 1 episode 19 - Vincent Price

Kermit: It's the Muppet show with our very special guest star, Mister Vincent Price, woo.
(Band playing theme music)
Muppets Women: 🎶It's time to play the music🎶
🎶It's time to light the lights🎶
🎶It's time to meet the Muppets🎶
🎶On the Muppets show tonight🎶
Muppets Men: 🎶It's time to put on makeup🎶
🎶It's time to dress up right🎶
🎶It's time to raise the curtain🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Fozzie: Hey, l once met a vampire, who is so rich. He lived in a split level coffin.
Kermit: 🎶To introduce our guest star🎶
🎶That's what I'm here to do🎶
🎶So it really makes me happy🎶
🎶To introduce to you🎶
Mister Vincent Price!
🎶But now let's get things started🎶
Muppets: 🎶On the most sensational, inspirational🎶
🎶Celebrational, Muppetational🎶
🎶This is what we call🎶
🎶The Muppet show🎶
                                             —
Kermit walked onto the stage, causing a burst of applause.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you and good evening, and welcome to a very unusual edition of the Muppet show. Yes, things are going to be a little bit strange tonight.
Behind Kermit, bats are flying.
Kermit: As you probably can already tell. Be prepared for the strange, the weird and the scary because our guest star is none other than the crown prince of terror, Mister Vincent Price. So, tonight there will be no craziness, no slapstick and no silliness.
Fozzie comes up to him and throws a pie at Kermit, laughs and walks away. Kermit removes the pie from his face.
Kermit: Or at least not much of it, let's the scariness begin.

Statler: Wow, that number scared the pants of me.
Waldorf: Are you sure? You didn't just forget to put them on again?
*backstage*
Kermit: *speaks through the speaker* Okay, stand by for the house of horror sketch.
A trembling creature from the performance enters the backstage.
Kermit: Calm down back there.
Scooter: Hey, boss.
Kermit: Hm? What?
Scooter: There's someone here wanting to audition.
Kermit: Okay, who is he?
Scooter: Well, it's not exactly a he.
Kermit: Okay, who is she?
Scooter: Well, it's not exactly a she.
Kermit: Scooter, this one there severely limits the possibility star, would you please explain to yourself?
Scooter: Well, it's sort of a they.
Kermit: Ah, you mean there's more than one.
Scooter: Not really.
Kermit: This gofer is about to become a gone for. SCOOTER, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Scooter: Uh... uh... that *pointed to the three-headed monster*.
Three-headed monster: Hi, Mister Frog, can we be on your show?
Kermit: Good grief, it's a triple header *leaves*.
Left head: I'm going to the dressing room.
Right head: I'm going to the makeup room.
Average head: I'll wait here.
They tried to leave, but forgot that their bodies were connected together.
*on stage*
Hilda: In honour of my homeland, Kermit has asked me to do the next introduction. We take you now to Transylvania, to a high and brooding hill. We take you now to the house of horror.
As soon as the thunder rumbled, Hilda screamed and left. The scene shows a creepy old castle on top of a cliff and the gates open. Gonzo, Fozzie and Y/n walk in.
Fozzie: Oh, Gonzo, l don't think very much of the summer cottage, you, you rented for us.
Gonzo: I don't understand that, the ad looks so good in the paper.
Y/n: Gonzo, you need to stop believing what is stated and written on the papers, by the way, what kind of paper was it?
Gonzo: The "Wampire Veekly".
Fozzie&Y/n: The "Wampire Veekly"?
Y/n: Aah, now it explains why we're in a creepy place. Moreover, this castle is too big for the three of us.
They then noticed the ghost, causing guys to jump in surprise.
Y/n: Okay, the four of us.
A second ghost arrived.
Gonzo: Uh... the five of us.
Y/n: It seems to me that there are many more of them, which fill the entire castle.
Fozzie: Well, at least we won't be lonely.
Y/n: Yeah, which is of course good that there is someone to ask, but on the other hand it worries me.
Fozzie&Gonzo: Why?
Y/n: Because in such places no one wants to see living mortals and they may wish us death.
Gonzo and Fozzie flinched in fear at her words.
Y/n: This is how it is shown in films and described in books, and also according to the story of my brother, Larry.
Someone knocked on the door, startling Gonzo and Fozzie. Out of fear, they hugged Y/n, who didn't even flinch at the unexpected sound.
Y/n: Calm down, guys, someone just knocked on the door, l'll open it *went to the door*.
Gonzo: I bet it's not the "Welcome Wagon".
Y/n: *opens door* Yep, you guessed it. This is not the "Welcome Wagon", this is a man.
Victor Price: Good evening. Excuse me, but do you have a room for the night? You see, the road has washed out and my horse had a flat tire.
Gonzo and Fozzie were standing behind Y/n.
Y/n: Mister, if we knew, we would have you told you right away, but we are guests just like you. By the way, are you alone or did you come with someone?
Vincent Price: Yes, l am not alone. I am travelling with my beautiful assistant and a hideously deformed monster.
Y/n: Ooh, he really is a beautiful assistant.
Uncle Deadly is flattered by her words.
Fozzie: Most correctly, a horrible deformed monster.
Uncle Deadly: Watch it, l'm the beautiful assistant, as your lovely lady said.
Y/n smiled proudly at his words.
Gonzo: Oh boy *covers his face*.
Uncle Deadly: Master, l've left Toto in the coach.
Fozzie&Y/n: Toto?
Vincent Price: Good, good *chuckles*. And now l must ask, can you tell me what time it is?
Fozzie: Ah, oh golly, my hourglass seems to have stopped.
Vincent Price: Oh, this is terribly, terribly!
Uncle Deadly: We're in trouble.
Vincent Price: Yes.
Y/n: Why is that?
Uncle Deadly: Because every night at the stroke of midnight, the master turns into a screaming, maniacal, demonic, raging, bloodlusting animal.
Vincent Price: And l get mean.
Y/n: Oooh, that's exactly what my brother Murphy looks like when he's hungry and sleep-deprived or is having a bad day.
Gonzo: What should we do?
Vincent Price: Quickly, quickly! Prepare a redundant, chains, medicals, bind me!
Uncle Deadly: Oh no! It's too late, it's midnight!
With each passing second, Gonzo and Fozzie were becoming more and more scared. Y/n is ready to take frying pan measures.
Uncle Deadly: Oh, no, something's different. Oh, quick, what night is it?
Fozzie&Gonzo&Y/n: New Year's Eve.
Uncle Deadly: Oh no, this is too cruel, too inhuman.
Fozzie: What?! What is it?! Now! Now! What?! What?!
Uncle Deadly: A New Year's Eve, the master turns into Jack Parnell.
Vincent was wearing a party hat, holding a pipe in his lips and conducting. The boys were horrified by what they saw and ran away, only Y/n stood there.
Y/n: Well, at least we avoided the worst.
Statler: Vincent Price is the most wonderfully scary actor since Thudge McGerk.
Waldorf: Heh, that's McGerk, l'll never forget him. His last film was "Phantom of the Soap Opera".
Waldorf and Statler chuckles.
Statler: Yeah, after that, he went berserk. They say, he still haunts theatres around the world.
Waldorf: Three eyes, green hair, long orange and big long ugly things. Horrible man, horrible.
A monster appeared behind them and growled, causing Statler to jump from his seat.
Waldorf: Hey, listen, on your way back up, bring some popcorn.
Waldorf and the monster laughed, then the monster said something to him.
Waldorf: With butter.
                                      *backstage*
Kermit reads the text, then he turns his attention to the creature from the first performance who enters.
Kermit: Okay.
He left. Kermit returned to the text.
Scooter: Excuse me, frog heart of mine.
Kermit: Hm?
Scooter: Well, the triple hitter is still waiting to audition.
Kermit: Ah, well, you know, with Vincent Price on the show, maybe a three-headed monster might be appropriate. *to three-headed monster* Ah, tell me, hey, what do you guys do?
Left head: We sing!
Average head: No, we dance!
Right head: No, we tell jokes!
Kermit: Uh-huh, uh, you work on television much?
Three-headed monster: Work on television much?!
Left head: Always!
Average head: Sometimes.
Right head: Never.
Kermit: Uh, l think you're always have some problems. Which one of you is the leader?
Left head: Uh, he is *pointed on Right head*.
Average head: Uh, he is *pointed on Left head*.
Right head: She is *pointed on Left head*.
Kermit: In fact, they got lots of problems.
*on stage*
Sam: *clears his throat* If you're like me and you certainly must be. You are appalled and shocked at the weird, unnatural things going on tonight. Here to counter all that, not very natural, though very normal, Wayne and Wanda.