Muppets x Female!Muppet!Reader

Season 1 episode 13 - Bruce Forsyth

Kermit: It's the Muppet show with our special guest star, Bruce Forsyth.
(Band playing theme music)
Muppets Women: 🎶It's time to play the music🎶
🎶It's time to light the lights🎶
🎶It's time to meet the Muppets🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Muppets Men: 🎶It's time to put on makeup🎶
🎶It's time to dress up right🎶
🎶It's time to raise the curtain🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Fozzie: Hey question, if a man born in Poland is a pole. Is a man born in Holland the hole? Think about it.
Kermit: 🎶To introduce our guest star🎶
🎶That's what l'm here to do🎶
🎶So it really makes me happy🎶
🎶To introduce to you🎶
Mister Bruce Forsyth!
🎶But right now let's get it started🎶
Muppets: 🎶On the most sensational, inspirational🎶
🎶Celebrational, Muppetational🎶
🎶This is what we call🎶
🎶The Muppet show🎶
                                              —
Kermit walked onto the stage causing a burst of applause.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, hello, hello, hello! And if l sound a little British tonight, it's because our special guest star is one of England's truly great performers, Mister Bruce Forsyth. He sings, dances, plays the piano, tells jokes. In fact, he's a one-man variety show and we're really pleased he's with us. But right now, let's kick things off with a new musical group we call the Snerfs. The Snerfs?

Waldorf: Well, we are see everything.
Statler: Good, can we leave?
                                        *backstage*
The Snerfs walked to the backstage.
Kermit: Okay, nice number, nice number, Snerfs. Way to go, mhm.
Duck: Oh Kermit.
Kermit: Yeah?
Duck: I finally got the punchline down for act tonight. Wanna hear it?
Kermit: Uh... okay.
Duck: Good. Quack!
Kermit: Um... fine, fine but uh keep working on it, okay?
Duck: Oh, sure too, thanks a lot. You know, looking down on everybody else. Yeah, that's right, looking down.
Kermit: Bitter duck.
Y/n comes up to him with a cup of coffee.
Y/n: Here's your coffee, Kermit.
Kermit: Oh, thanks Y/n.
Fozzie: Oh guys, guys, guys, guys.
Kermit&Y/n: M?
Fozzie: I am really gonna get them tonight.
Y/n: Get who?
Fozzie: Oh Statler and Waldorf, if you know those two old guys who sit in the box and heck of me every night.
Kermit: Mhm.
Fozzie: Well, tonight l am ready for them *laughs*. Yeah, l can handle any insult, any of them. Hey, hey, just try it, okay? Uh it's a uh you be the audience and l'll tell a joke, and then you insults me, and then just watch my razor sharp with that work, okay, you ready? Ha? Ha?
Y/n: Uh... no.
Fozzie: Good, okay *clears his throat*, here we go. I wouldn't say my wife can't cook but last night she burned the water.
Kermit and Y/n looked at each other and said.
Kermit&Y/n: Boo! Boo!
Kermit: That's terrible! Terrible!
Y/n: Get off the stage! You are the worst!
Fozzie: *knelt down* Oh please, don't heckle me.
Y/n: Uh... Fozzie, is this an example of your razor like wit?
Fozzie: Could still use a little sharpening?
Kermit: *sigh and went on stage* Uh when it comes to song and dance men, it's pretty hard to top our special guest. So, let's give a warm Muppet show welcome to Mister Bruce Forsyth!

Waldorf: Bravo!
Statler: Brilliant!
Waldorf: Well, there aren't many performers that could hold a candle to Bruce Forsyth.
Statler: Of course not, they'd burn him.
Waldorf: Statler, you must be the old fool. There's no fool likes.
*backstage*
Fozzie: Hey guys, guys, this time l have really got it. I have really mastered the art of handing hecklers.
Y/n: Oh, you think so?
Fozzie: Yeah, l know so. Why no so?
Kermit: Okay, l tell you what uh you tell a joke and we will heckles you?
Fozzie: Great.
Kermit: But Fozzie, we except a great comeback.
Y/n nodded in agreement.
Fozzie: Right *clears a throat*. Uh... my cousin's so dumb, he thinks eggs Benedict is a mafia gangster.
Kermit and Y/n think about what insult to say.
Y/n: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier than that!
Fozzie: *hit her with a rubber chicken* What do you think? Uh too subtle?
Y/n: Will you get out of here before l'll kick your butt?!
Fozzie quickly left and they both sighed.
*at the dance*
Classical music is playing, couples are dancing a slow dance.
Mildred: George.
George: Yeah?
Mildred: Would you like to come to my place for dinner tomorrow night?
George: Maybe, what are you fixing?
Mildred: Well, you like duckling?
George: I don't know, they'll never buckle.
Janice: You know, what happened in 1776?
Zoot: No, baby but it's a great party for 1342.
Miss Piggy: I'm really into American history.
Pig: Oh?
Miss Piggy: Mhm, you know Washington, Jefferson, Revere.
Pig: Oh, you like Franklin?
Miss Piggy: Well, l don't know, l've never frangled.
Purple Monster: Do you mind if l'm light up?
Y/n: Uh... how?
Purple Monster: Like this.
The stage went dark but the monster glowed.
                                *musical number*