Muppets x Female!Muppet!Reader

Season 1 episode 8 - Paul Williams

Kermit: It's the Muppet show with our special guest star, Mister Paul Williams.
(Band playing theme music)
Muppets Women: 🎶It's time to play the music🎶
🎶It's time to light the lights🎶
🎶It's time to meet the Muppets🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Muppets Men: 🎶It's time to put on makeup🎶
🎶It's time to dress up right🎶
🎶It's time to raise the curtain🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Fozzie: New York is so crowded even the cemeteries have standing room only.
Kermit: 🎶To introduce our guest star🎶
🎶That's what l'm here to do🎶
🎶So it really makes me happy🎶
🎶To introduce to you🎶
Mister Paul Williams!
🎶But now let's get things started🎶
Muppets: 🎶On the most sensational, inspirational🎶
🎶Celebrational, Muppetational🎶
🎶This is what we call🎶
🎶The Muppet show🎶
—
Kermit walked onto the stage causing a burst of applause.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, hi all good friends. Hey, we got a great show for you tonight our special guest is Mister Paul Williams. Singer, composer, actor and all-around good guy. And we're not going to do any jokes about his size but he's such a cute little fellow we're gonna make him a honorary Muppet. But right now let's get things started with a musical number done up in a brand new way "All of Me".

                                    *backstage*
Fozzie was reading the text but his attention was drawn to a monster with a chest passing by him.
Fozzie: Uh... *returned to text* Hi, l hear the cannon drawer the Hawkeye the cannons... Ugh...
Scooter: Hi Foz, what's wrong? You look worried.
Fozzie: Yeah, it's my new act. I hope it works.
Scooter: Oh come on, you're the greatest.
Fozzie: Yeah?
Scooter: Yeah, you're always good.
Fozzie: Aw.
Scooter: Besides you're run soon now is no time to panic.
Fozzie: Oh well, see l got 10 minutes of jokes here in the war of 1812.
Scooter: Now is the time to panic. Listen, if you're really in trouble, why don't you just use the old telephone pole bit?
Fozzie: The old telephone pole bit?
Scooter: Oh yeah, it's the best!
Fozzie: Well, l don't know it—
Scooter: It's a classic.
Fozzie: It's a classic?
Scooter: Yeah!
Fozzie: Oh, oh terrific! I can use it. Tell me where is it? Where is it? Where?
Scooter: Okay, okay, the curtain's open.
Fozzie: The curtain's open.
Scooter: The audience is there.
Fozzie: The audience is there!
Scooter: There we are together.
Fozzie: There we are together!
Scooter: You and l—
Fozzie: Hold it, hold, hold, hold, hold. We?
Scooter: Oh yeah.
Fozzie: No, you don't understand. I see, l am a stand-up bear.
Scooter: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Fozzie: Yeah, yeah, see, l work alone. I tell the jokes on stage alone.
Scooter: *laughs* No, no, you don't tell the jokes in the telephone pole bit.
Fozzie: Why not?
Scooter: Well, you're the telephone pole.
Kermit: Cute, cute idea *went on stage*.
Fozzie: You'll see.
Kermit: Okay, right now friends, it is my great pleasure to introduce one of the most talented people in our business and it's a real treat to have him with us on the Muppet show Mister Paul Williams.

Waldorf: Bravo!
Statler: Anchor!
Waldorf: Bravo!
Statler: Anchor!
Waldorf: *laughs* He's a credit to his race.
Statler: What race is that?
Waldorf: The 100 yard dash.
Waldorf and Statler laughs.
                                      *on stage*
Bunsen Honeydew: Welcome to Muppet labs where the future is being made today. Folks, let me take just one moment of your time to acquaint you with a fascinating new product. It's Muppet all-purpose tenderizer. Now you can use it on all sorts of dishes for example dishes like this one here *smashed a plate on the table*. Oh, that's one of the problems with dishes isn't that they do tend to break but if you had used all-purpose tenderizer in such fashion as this *sprinkled on the plate*. Your dish would have been as tender as this *twirled the plate and applied it to his cheek*. Oh, it sets me all a quiver. Well *removed the plate*, it's a lovely and what it does for dishes it can do for utensils too, watch *sprinkled on the ladle* it only takes a second *the ladle fell*. So, there it is *removed the ladle*. Muppet all-purpose tenderizer, it's a new from Muppet labs—
Bunsen felt the table become soft.
Bunsen Honeydew: Okay, who's the smarty fan to tenderize the table? I mean it.
Y/n: *on backstage* It's you, Bunsen. How can a spectator tenderize the table, if you were standing at the table all this time?
Bunsen Honeydew: Ah, exactly.
Waldorf: Science, huh? They can put a man on the moon.
Statler: Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man *laughs*.
                                      *on stage*
Y/n: "Silence" a poem by Y/n L/n, that's me.
Silence. Hear the nothingness
Listen to the quietness of everlasting space
Down the winding velvet corridors of time, it sweeps, and sweeps, and—
George appears sweeping the floor.
Y/n: And sweeps away the sound of creatures crying in the night.
A blue bird appears squawking loudly.
Y/n: Creatures crying in the night...
And cry we must, for we have tasted the forbidden fruit.
Piggy is shown eating an apple.
Y/n: But lo, lo, the faceless names, the—
George is shown sweeping again.
Y/n: The faceless names and nameless faces whisper of our woes.
Zoot and Janice are shown whispering to each other.
Y/n: But overall, but overall, the blessed silence falls
Sweet serpentines of silence, singing their sad song.
Behind her, Wanda enters ululating scales.
Y/n: Out of the silence and dark, we build the music, silent music!
Scooter is shown listening to music on his transistor radio. Y/n becomes more exasperated.
Y/n: And the endless emptiness of emptiness is drumming in our ears!
Animal is shown playing the drums loudly. Y/n finally loses her cool.
Y/n: WILL YOU ALL GET OUT OF HERE!!!
They all exit as Y/n collects herself.
Y/n: But in... in the end... all is silence
Quiet. Silent ways. All still.
Kermit: Uh, could you hold it down, Y/n? We're trying to do a show here.
Y/n glared at him.
                                    *blackout*
Paul Williams: You know when they asked me to do the show l was delighted. I mean this is a great show to do. I have special reason for being very excited, you see except for me the entire cast is Muppets. Muppets are little tiny things and for the first time in my life no one will make jokes about how short l am. For the first time in my life l am the tallest person on the show.
Three monsters taller than him approach Paul.
Paul Williams: For the first time in my life l will cry in front of 30 million people.
He started to cry and the monsters tried to calm him down.
                                 *backstage*
Fozzie: I am a telephone pole *meditating*.
Y/n was heading towards the stage and grumbling to herself about her performance but noticing Fozzie meditating, she decided to ask.
Y/n: Uh... Fozzie, what are you doing?
Fozzie: Ah, it's my new act with Scooter. I'm practicing to be a telephone pole.
Y/n: This is stupid, you don't look like a telephone pole. No one would believe you were a telephone pole.
Man: 🎶I am landing for the county🎶 *pulled the wire*.
Y/n tried to find the right words but having lost the gift of speech, she freaked out and went to the stage.
                                 *at the dance*
Classical music plays, couples dance slow.
George: I'll be damned. You say that's your boy. How could you have a son that age?
Lady Snake: I didn't when l heard him, he was just a baby.
Pig: Oh, how do l love you. Let me count the ways. You are more beautiful than the summer days.
Miss Piggy: You know, there's a lot of hair in you *laughs*.
Janice: That man is annoying me.
Zoot: He is not look at you.
Janice: That what's annoying me.
Loud Woman: I can't understand that l just can't seem to hold on to a job my last one only lasted for 10 minutes!
Man without headphones: Yeah, what were you doing?
Loud Woman: I was a librarian.
Animal: Hey, you want to take a trip?
Y/n: No.
Animal: I'll take that as a yes. Hang on.
Before he could bend her over, Y/n hit his head hard against hers knocking him out.
Y/n: When did l agree to dance with him?
Y/n hunched her shoulders and walked off stage.
                              *musical number*