Blood stained roses

CHAPTER 7

San

Wooyoung : Have you invited her ?
San : I did, she said she'll consider the invite.
Wooyoung : What does that even mean ?
San : Probably that she finds it too awkward to go to a party with me after everything that happened.
Wooyoung : Oh she is so coming, I'll make sure of it. I can't stand you whining about her anymore.
San : You can't force her.
Wooyoung : I'll find a way but trust me, she will be coming to that goddamn party.
San : Stop it, I'll figure it out myself. You're just gonna scare her off.
Wooyoung : Fine but please make things right with her so you can stop your goddamn mourning.

Anyway, we ended up going to bed. I take one last look at my phone before going to sleep, and notice a message from Younha.

Younha : Is the invite to your party still available ?
San : Does that mean you're coming ?
Younha : Maybe.
San : I'll give you the details at work tomorrow. I'm glad you'll be there.
Younha : Good night Sannie.
San : Good night.

I turn off my phone and stare at the ceiling for a few moments before falling asleep.

Hyeonsok : San, wake up !!

I get up and open the door, discovering my brother with a very serious look on his face.

San : Why was mom screaming, what's going on ?
Hyeonsok : You need to hide, now. Go in your closet and don't make a sound, you need to stay in there until I come and get you. Do you understand ?!
San : Why ?
Hyeonsok : San, do you fucking understand ?!
San : Y...Yes.
Hyeonsok : Go hide, right now !

I'm not brave enough to add another word.
I close the door of my closet right after slipping inside and try my best to hide behind the hanging clothes.
I suddenly can hear footsteps coming up the stairs and into my room, I can hear Hyeonsok yelling at them, telling them to leave and insulting them. Then I heard that noise. That noise that made my blood run cold, made my heart skip a much needed beat.

I wake up in a jump scare, trying hard to breathe correctly and my hand gripping the bedsheets. I'm sweating and tears are running down my cheeks.

Damn it, another stupid nightmare. I'm never going to have a peaceful sleep, am I ?
It's 4am, maybe I should just get up. I don't think I'll be able to go back to sleep anyway.
I get out of bed, put on some sweatpants and leave the apartment. I need some fresh air before starting the day.
Good thing is, we live near the Cheonggyechon river, makes it easy to go for a walk anytime.

I stay out for almost an hour before approaching a small bridge. I cross it and stop at the middle of it, I lean on the barrier and look at the water running under me and the bridge.
There's almost nobody around, just one or two early joggers. Makes the scene very quiet and peaceful.

Younha : San ?

I turn to the voice and light footsteps approaching me, just to see an obviously exhausted Younha, wearing a black dress with messy hair and smudged makeup. Her eyes are very red.

San : What are you doing here ?
Younha : Just...trying to clear my mind. How about you ?
San : Couldn't sleep anymore so I'm taking some fresh air.
Younha : I didn't know you lived nearby.
San : I guess we're kinda neighbors.
Younha : Yeah, I guess.

Her voice is very calm, almost sore, and she's definitely not smiling. She leans next to me and lets a long breath out.

San : What happened to you ?
Younha : Nothing important.
San : Don't lie to me, I can see you've cried and you definitely aren't wearing something someone would wear at 5 in the morning.
Younha : I went to visit my mom's grave yesterday night. It just took much longer than I expected.
San : So you didn't sleep at all ?
Younha : No, I didn't.
San : You must be exhausted, are you still coming to work ?
Younha : I have to.
San : You don't, you can take a day off. I'll explain it to Hongjoong and Seonghwa but you need to rest.
Younha : I'll be fine, don't worry about me.
San : I'm serious Younha, you clearly had a rough night and you should be asleep right now.
Younha : I can't sleep, if I do I will see her again.
San : What ?
Younha : My mom, whenever I close my eyes, it's like she's back.
San : And, aren't you happy to see her ?
Younha : I will never be happy to see her.

I look up at her, she's crying.
Seems like I'm not the only one who has a messed up sleep schedule.
I grab one of her hands and put my other arm around her cold body, bringing her against my chest.
I let go of her hand, but my arm around her and she quickly answers to my hug by putting both of her arms around my waist, her still crying face buried in my neck.

San : You're freezing, don't you have a jacket ?
Younha : I left it at home.
San : You're gonna get sick.
Younha : It doesn't matter.
San : It matters to me, let's get you home and warm you up.
Younha : I don't want to go home and be alone.
San : Then I'll bring you to my place, you can rest there.

She doesn't argue and follows me quietly. I've putted my jacket on her shoulders so that she won't be too cold.
While we were walking, she eventually grabbed my hand.

Younha : It was the first time.
San : What ?
Younha : That I've visited her grave. It's been three years but I never went there, I even skipped her funeral.
San : That's why you look so shaken up. You told me you'd never be happy to see her, can I ask why ?
Younha : Yeosang was the first child, he was expected for a long time, everyone loved him and cared for him. But for me, my mother denied her pregnancy. So I wasn't expected, or wanted. She kept me because my father insisted she did but she never loved or raised me like she did with Yeosang.
San : Is that why she chose your birthday to end it ?
Younha : I'm not sure. In the letter she left us, she was talking about how much she loved everyone in my family except for me, she did not mention me a single time. She killed herself because she was apparently very depressed, so I'm no place to judge her actions but, I was her daughter too, why couldn't she just learn how to love me, or at least notice me ?!
San : I'm sorry to hear all that Younha, you deserved much better. You deserved a happy childhood.

A few minutes later, we get to my apartment.
I give Younha a sweater and a blanket and go to make her something hot to drink.

Younha : You don't have to do all of this.
San : I do, you need it. After warming up, you can sleep a little in my room, if you really insist on coming to work, you can still have like four hours of sleep.

I hand her a cup of almost burning tea that she slowly drinks quietly while sitting on my couch, next to me.
Once she's done, I bring her to my room and I have to almost force her to get inside the white cotton sheets.

San : I'll wake you up when we'll need to leave for work, meanwhile, I'll be in the next room if you need anything.
Younha : Stay with me, please. I don't want to be alone.

That's something I can definitely understand after the night she had. I lay down next to her, she slides in between my arms and falls asleep very easily a few minutes later.
Around 7am, I hear Wooyoung waking up so I join him in the kitchen.

Wooyoung : Morning.
San : Morning. Did you sleep well ?
Wooyoung : I did, better than you I guess. Since when are you up ?
San : Around 4. I had a nightmare so I went for a walk to clear my mind.
Wooyoung : Did you make tea ?
San : I did.
Wooyoung : You never drink tea in the morning, is everything okay ?
San : It wasn't for me, I found Younha who spent all night outside without a jacket and without sleeping.
Wooyoung : Damn, is she okay ?
San : I hope so, she's sleeping in my bed.
Wooyoung : Wow, you didn't actually need a new year's party to make things happen again.
San : Nothing happened, I just comforted her because she was an emotional mess.
Wooyoung : Okay, I guess.