Blood stained roses

CHAPTER 20

Younha

I wake up in my bed, only wearing my panties and one of San's t-shirt. He's laying next to me, still sleeping peacefully while holding me close to him.
It's still dark outside, I'd say it's around 3am.
I just had a dream about my mother, my are on the verge of tears and I'm breathing harshly.
I can't get it out of my head but I can't wake San up, he looks so peaceful.
I start crying quietly, my whole body trembling while I still can't breathe properly.
I stay like this for a few long seconds, trying to get myself together, unsuccessfully.
I need to go outside, I need some air.

I come out of the bed as quietly as possible while still crying and get out of the room, out on the front door of the apartment, grabbing the metal barrier of the small balcony that's also the entrance.
I look down at my feet but can't seem to focus my eyes on them, my vision is turning blurry and I still can't breathe.

She's here, she won't leave me alone. She'll do it again, I don't want her to do it ! Someone needs to stop her, she can't do it...

San : Baby ?

I turn around in a jump scare, seeing San standing behind me, a worried look on his face.

San : Are you okay ?

I throw myself in his arms and hug him tightly, as if I was afraid of letting him go.

San : You're not okay, got it. What's happening ?
Younha : She was here.
San : Who was ?
Younha : My mother.
San : You had a nightmare about her ?
Younha : I'm scared.
San : She's dead, she won't come back, you don't have to be scared. What you have to do, however, is come back inside if you don't want to be sick.

He drags me back inside and sits with me on the couch. He takes my hand and looks at me.

San : Talk to me, what was happening in that dream ?
Younha : She was trying to do it again.
San : Do what ?
Younha : Punish me, like when I was a kid.
San : Why ?
Younha : Because I bothered her so she needed to get rid of me.
San : And how did she get rid of you ?
Younha : She locked me in a closet for hours, without food or even water...

I can feel his hand tensing around mine, sign that he didn't like my story.

San : It's a good thing that I can't meet her, or I might have been disrespectful to her. Anyway, she's dead and she can't do that anymore, nobody will ever do that to you again. I swear, nobody will hurt you, not on my watch.

After a few more minutes, I finally calmed down and we got back to bed where we cuddled for a while before I got back to sleep.

When I woke up again in the morning, San was already up. I joined him in the kitchen where he prepared a huge breakfast for him and me.
He was still cooking some scrambled eggs, too focused on them to notice me entering the room so I went up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying against his back.

San : Oh, you're up, I wanted to bring it to you in bed.
Younha : You're so sweet.
San : Did you sleep well ?
Younha : Thanks to you, I did.
San : I'm glad.
Younha : Do you need help with anything ?
San : No, this is for you and you're not working for it. Go back to bed and I'll bring it to you in a second.
Younha : Only if you're eating with me.
San : Of course, I won't leave you alone.

I let go of him and go back to the bedroom, opening the drapes and letting the sunlight into the room, warming it.

San : Lie down, it's ready.

I sit in the bed and he enters with a tray full of food.

San : Bon appetit !

He sits next to me and I put my head against his shoulder.

Younha : You smell good.
San : Are you sure it's not the food ?
Younha : It's your perfume idiot.
San : It's a new one, do you like it ?
Younha : I love it.
San : Eat and tell me if you love that too.

I cut out a piece of pancakes and bring it to my mouth.

San : So ?
Younha : It's delicious Sannie, thank you.
San : I thought it would make you feel better after that night.
Younha : It does.
San : Next time you have a nightmare that ends in a panic attack, wake me up. I want to be there for you.
Younha : Like you let me be there for your nightmares ?
San : Sorry, I just really hate talking about them. Of course, I'm not forcing you to do so but it seemed to have helped you earlier.
Younha : It did, I'm just messing with you.

And once again, we're interrupted by the doorbell.

San : Can't we just have one normal day ?!
Younha : I'll get it.
San : No, stay in bed and I'll take care of it. I want you to rest.

He goes out of the bedroom to open the door.