Blood stained roses

CHAPTER 27

San

Thanks to Younha, I managed to calm down. We went back to the other room where Mingi also entered a second later, alone.

Mingi : Are you okay ?
San : I am. Where is he ?
Mingi : He needs some time to cool off, he went back to his place. I'm sorry about this but it's the first time he told this story to someone other than me.
San : I understand, I can't blame him. If I knew who killed my family, I would probably hate them to the core too.
Mingi : It's still not an excuse for losing his professionalism, I'm really sorry for this.
San : It's really okay, you don't need to apologize.
Younha : It might seem out of the blue but, now that we're back in Seoul, can we see our friends and families ?
Mingi : Unfortunately, I still have to keep an eye on San, as long as we don't have the proof that you're innocent. But you can.
Younha : I'll wait until tomorrow.
San : You can go if you want, don't wait for me. I know you're dying to see them again.
Younha : No, I can't leave you alone here.
San : I'll be fine, just go.
Younha : It's the middle of the night, they're probably sleeping anyway.
San : Do you want to go ?
Younha : Of course but I want to stay with you and go with you. I'll wait until you're completely free tomorrow.

She clearly makes me understand that I can't argue with her anymore.
One more hour later, Mingi has arranged some chairs to make us a kind of comfortable space, since we're spending the night here.
We were talking about how the year went and Younha eventually fell asleep on my shoulder.

Mingi : I'll let her sleep in peace, do you want a blanket or something ? I can look around.
San : Don't worry about it, I'll just keep her warm with my jacket.
Mingi : Just give me a second.

He looks in a closet for a bit before bringing out a blanket big enough to cover both of us.

Mingi : That should do the work.
San : Thank you.
Mingi : You're welcome. I'll go to the next room and try to reach Yunho, call me if you need anything.

I smile at him and lay my head on top of Younha's, I should sleep too, at least for an hour.
For now, I know that we're safe, we can relax while we're protected. Although, Mingi is alone, he will need help if something happens. But I'm so tired of that shitty day, I need to rest.
Maybe I can rest at home, tomorrow. But will we be safe, will Younha be safe ? I can't let anything else happen to her, I need to keep her safe. Maybe...no, I can't seriously be thinking about that. I can't break up with her, not now, not after everything she already went through. However, what if much worse was coming ? She's had enough, I want her to go back to her normal life and not to risk being kidnapped everywhere she goes.

Suddenly, I feel her move next to me, she's still asleep but looks disturbed. Is she having a nightmare ?
I grab her hand and gently stroke it, kissing her forehead to either wake her up or calm her down.
And it works as she slowly opens her eyes and raises her head to look at me.

San : Are you okay baby ?
Younha : Yeah...I am.
San : Were you dreaming about your mother ?
Younha : I was but it felt...different than usual.
San : Different ?
Younha : I have this trauma from when I was a kid, I only remember some pieces of it.
San : You have amnesia ?
Younha : About this, I do. And nobody was able to explain exactly what happened because I was alone with my mom. The only things I remember are me running while we were crossing a bridge and the next thing I know, I was under the water, struggling to get to the surface because I could barely swim. I don't even know how I got out. And in this dream, I was surrounded by the water again but...? nevermind, it's gonna sound crazy to you.
San : I think my childhood's fucked up enough to handle it.
Younha : It was like I was hearing a voice, her voice talking to me, as if she was apologizing. Please don't think I'm crazy.
San : You're not crazy, maybe it's your brain's way to patch up the events, understand what happened that day.
Younha : Why now, it's been so long !
San : The brain is weird like that.
Younha : You can't just say this, I want answers !
San : Trust me, so did I. I've waited 17 years to get answers and they aren't always what you wanted to hear.

She stops talking for a second looking at me, tears building up in her eyes.

Younha : Are you saying my mother might have pushed me ?
San : Absolutely not, I didn't even think of it, why are you thinking this ?
Younha : I don't know it just...came up.
San : Do you think it could be a memory ?
Younha : No, that's impossible. She hated but she never would've tried to kill me !
San : You told she used to lock you up to get rid of you, it doesn't sound so shocking to me.
Younha : Please don't say that, I can't possibly believe my mother pushed me off a bridge when I was just a little child. Why can I picture it so well ?!
San : Don't panic but it might be because you remember it happening.
Younha : No, that's...No !
San : I'm sorry honey.

She covers her mouth with her hand in shock and starts crying while her whole body is shaking.

Younha : Why would she do that to a child ?! Does my dad know about it, does Yeosang know ?
San : You can ask him in the morning, when you see him again.
Younha : I can't wait that long, my mother tried to murder me !
San : It's 5am, he's probably asleep.
Younha : I don't care, I'll wake him up.
San : No, you need to calm down.
Younha : How the fuck can I ?!

She suddenly stands, facing me.

Younha : I need to ask him, I need to know ! Why the hell am I remembering this now, and why did she try to kill me ?!
San : Younha, you're panicking because of the shock but you can't go right now.
Younha : Why the fuck not ?!
San : First of all, your brother's very probably still asleep, second of all you can't show up like this after a goddamn year without talking to him. And third of all, I'm not letting you leave alone in the middle of a panic attack.
Younha : But...
San : I know you want to understand and trust me, I was the first to think like you. But I've learnt that some answers can wait, at least a few more hours.

I also get up and put my hands on each of her shoulders, locking eye contact with her.

San : Can you wait a little bit more ?
Younha : I'm so sorry...

She suddenly bursts in tears sheltering in between my arms.

Younha : I'm scared San, what if my dad knew about it and never told me anything ? Or worse, what if Yeosang knew since the beginning...?
San : I'm not as close to your brother as Wooyoung but I know one thing for sure about him and it's that he loves you so I wouldn't worry about him. But as soon as we reach a respectable hour, you can go talk to him and clear things out.