Memories

Susanna Martinez

It's been 7 months since Felix started to sleep. About 6 since I went to go visit Samuel in prison.

I regret it sometimes, the way I acted towards him that day. I lashed out on him. I was angry, but can you blame me?

I've taken time to process and heal. It still hurts of course, but the pain lessens each day.

"Hey Susanna, everything okay?" A deep voice asks, snapping me out of my daze.

I look up, analyzing my surroundings. Oh, that's right.

I sit outside at a table with a group of people. It's lunch time. These are my friends. Felix isn't in the group.

"Yeah, sorry Jaiden." I reply, nodding my head and smiling.

This happened frequently. I would tend to zone out and think about Felix. I felt most connected to him like this, reliving memories. All of them up until the day he died.

"So whaddya think?" Luis asks.

"About what?" I tilt my head to the side.

"The band? We went over it in full detail?" He replies, sounding slightly infuriated.

"Um, explain it one more time."

With a sigh, Luis begins to explain "the band".

"Get this, Susanna, we all start a sick ass rock band! Me, you, Jaiden, Edward! We'd go pro after high school and we'd make bank!" He says excitedly.

A chuckle escapes my mouth, which gets me a hurt look in return.

"Oh, you're not joking?" I ask, looking at the faces around me which were all dead serious.

"We're serious here, Susanna! You'd be our front lady and we'd make bank off of you!" Jaiden answers.

"Excuse me?" I bewilder. "You guys really want to start a band? And go pro? You don't even know how to play an instrument! I at least know how to play the guitar!"

"Which is why we need you! You'll teach us how to make sweet sounding music! You can write your own lyrics and everything!" Edward chimes in.

"This sounds like an awful lot of work for me." I say, crossing my arms.

"We'll be working too! We got instruments to practice and gigs to find! Swear, Susanna, this'll get us famous! There ain't another friend group like us!" Luis says.

I burst out laughing. There ain't another friend group like us?

"Where's this coming from?" I ask, my eyebrow raised.

"Wanting to make money but not wanting to work too hard." Jaiden answers for Luis.

I roll my eyes. Of course.

"I'll think about it after you guys show me you're willing to put some work in." I say, half joking.

"Thank you, Susanna!" Luis replies gratefully. Seems like this was his idea.

Just in time, the bell rings. We all get up and make our way to our own classes.

A band, huh?  That'd be a good distraction.

                                            ~~~

Felix's mom picks me up after school like any other day.

"Hi, Yoselyn!" I greet her as I sit into the passenger seat of her car.

"Hi mija, how was school?" She asks, reversing out of the parking lot.

"It was good. Wanna hear what the boys came up with today?"

She laughs, shaking her head playfully at the mention of those boys.

"Ay, esos boys. What did they say today?" She asks, already anticipating another story of their mischief.

"They wanna start a band! They don't even know how to make music! They said they just wanna be famous and rich." I tell her.

She shakes her head again, smiling. "Ay mija let them dream. Play along for now and if one day you do get rich and famous and they interview you, tell them you wanted this band since the beginning!"

I laugh with her. Laughing at the thought of a band. With them? It'd never work out.

Even so, it'd be nice to have something to distract me. Every moment I have free fills up with thoughts of Felix. Sometimes sad ones. Sometimes thoughts about the way he looked on that bed. Sometimes about the way he said 'I love you' one last time.

I sigh audibly, shaking the thoughts from my head before turning up the radio and forcing my attention to the street in front of us.

I love you too.