Calculated Coincidence

Thirty Nine

LIAM SMITH

After my Alessia tells me that she needs time and space to think about everything, and I make her promise not to leave, I head to work.

Passing faces seem a blur, hardly noticeable. Greetings are an irritable buzz in my ear, encouraging the already forming headache. There's an ache in my chest accompanying me with every step that I take away from my darling Alessia.

Sitting down in my chair, I loosen my tie when I feel like I have a lump in my throat as her words attack my sick mind. I'm leaving. Let me go. It felt like a bucket of ice cold terror was tipped over my head, an invasive disease of fear spreading over my body. My mind was working in overdrive. How do I stop this? How do I fix this? How do I prevent her from leaving?

Because she couldn't leave me. That wasn't an option. My hands tremble at the thought that my love might still want to abandon me. According to Nietzsche; the strength of a person's spirit is measured by how much 'truth' he can tolerate. What if Alessia can't tolerate any more truth? What if her wild spirit isn't strong enough to withstand my unraveling darkness?

A life without Alessia isn't something I consider. How can one live without a heart? We are made for each other. If we are meant to be together, how can we go against fate? But having her unwilling by my side isn't what I want for us. She needs to want this too.

The beautiful woman had succumbed to temptation and desire yesterday and with just the slightest reminder of our bodies connecting, shivers run down my spine. Her husky moans and warm skin. Nails digging into my back and tight walls clenching around me. Fuck. I adjust myself as I feel blood rushing to my dick.

My heartbeat kicks up. We made love, Alessia and me, we made love. I sank my body into her warm and welcoming one, connecting us. She held onto me and blessed my ears with a beautiful song which mingled with heavy breaths and groans.

My breathing gets heavy when I picture hickeys scattered over her body, mostly on her gorgeous neck and breasts. Marks stating claim, given with love, driven by possessiveness.

I run a frustrated hand through my hair and shake the sinful thoughts away. Trying to occupy my twisted mind with something other than that seductress, I think of Andre. Surprisingly.

He called me while I was driving here, with the intention of finding out what the fuck happened at the event. The man told me that William and Daniel weren't invited, which I suspected, and that they were probably guests of guests. He also told me that they found Daniel crying with his pants wet. Unsurprisingly.

Andre isn't the least shocked by my antics, coming to terms with my ways a long time ago. I also don't say that I feel bad but I do apologise for ruining his event and suggest that his security do better next time when letting people in.

I'm not surprised that my thoughts lead back to the stunning brunette which is still in our apartment, I know because I checked. Every room and place that I'm in turns into a black hole swirling with thoughts of her, images of her. My deranged mind tricking me into believing that I caught her scent somewhere, heard her hypnotic voice. It's like I'm an addict having a withdrawal, wishing so badly that she is somewhere near.

Although this was never accompanied by a sense of distress, fear, agony. I'm leaving. Let me go. I lean my elbows on the wooden desk and lay my head in my hands, grasping tightly onto my hair. My breath gets caught.
This can't be happening.

ALESSIA AMATO

Standing before the mirror, I take myself in. Messy hair, a crease between my dark brows, swollen lips. Harsh, red hickeys decorate my skin. I look into my brown eyes.

I feel distant from myself, like I'm staring at a stranger. A stranger who is easy to judge. Girl, what are you still doing here? Why are you staying? Why are you choosing to be in this sick situation? Are you blind? Can't you see how messy this is?

My nostrils flare as I feel tears pricking my eyes. It's hard. It's hard to walk away, even when you know it's the right thing to do. Who does the things he did to me? And others. Let's face it; Liam is crazy. He is not in his right mind. So why am I still here?

I feel like I'm about to choke when the truth settles itself inside me. Because I love him. I love that fucking psychopath. I'm not really surprised by that, I'm actually kind of shocked that it took till now. I have never experienced this kind of relationship with affectionate touches and kind words. Quality time and a good listener. Someone who desires me and cares for me. Let's be for real; it doesn't take a genius to know that I'd fall hard for it. I was lonely and Liam changed that.

Now that the possibility of me being alone once again has appeared, it freaks me, the fuck, out. Quiet apartment, empty bed, cold atmosphere. I don't want to go back to that. But can I really be able to trade that for lies, aggression and madness?

Trying to imagine a life without Liam puts a slight tremble in my hands. I've lived without him for so long so why is it so unbearable to imagine now? It's not even just about the loneliness, I can't imagine somebody else replacing him. Having another man listening to me, caring for me, touching me - it makes me feel nauseous, scared even. Most of the men I've met lately have hurt me, been aggressive towards me. Even my father eagerly gave me away.

But Liam? He's always been so sweet, protective. That handsome man knew when to be rough, when to handle me with a bit more force. My gullible mind doesn't accept any other person when I think of my future. My naive heart doesn't agree to have these feelings for anybody else.

Who else would treat me like he did? Who else would fight for me like that brave man did? Who on this earth would care for me to those extents, protect me as much? Who could hold more hunger for me in their eyes? No one. Absolutely no one. There isn't another person in this universe who could have such incomprehensible, inexplicable, otherworldly feelings for me.

He'd do anything I ask for him. Liam would go to the ends of the world for me. I already know that ruthless man would kill for me. However something tells me that there's one thing he'd refuse to do...
Liam Smith will not let me go.

My hand finds its way to the side of my neck as a shiver runs through my body, covering my skin with goosebumps. A foreboding feeling creeps over me.
The chip inside of me is proof of that.