MATTEO: Life and Death

Chapter 30

Another week passed on 'Normandy'. As always, nothing happened. Everyone was doing their own thing. Matteo Shepard sat on the couch reading the Bible. It was the only thing , which killed time on the ship.

Shepard recently had to put everything together in his head. A week ago he almost killed Arla Jareni. He was under the control of the Dark Side of the Force - the worst thing that exists in this Galaxy. Because of it, there are no more Jedi in the galaxy - all the defenders of light and peace are hiding like rats in the sewers , were captured by the Inquisition or unfortunately - killed by a mysterious person called Darth Vader and his Inquisitor minions. Shep longed for the old days , in which the Jedi lived. He remembered the first time he entered the Jedi temple on Coruscant - numerous Jedi were walking , talking to each other , taking lessons from their masters. Damn! The place was bustling with life. Now the temple became the Imperial Palace for Emperor Palpatine - Old Grandpa , who led to the downfall of the Jedi and the Republic. Matteo hated him with all his heart. Thank you for destroying the Galaxy Asshole!

He put down the Bible and looked at the wall - he had recently started to get scared. 'You have to control your emotions,' Arla Jareni said. That's what he was afraid of - emotions and the dark side of the Force. He had recently let go of his lightsaber training. What if the Dark Side controls his mind? He would kill everyone on board. Everyone he loved and respected. He didn't want that. What if he kills Kendall Chance and Eli Henderson - he didn't want that. He liked them , he saw them as great Jedi , but what if the dark side of the Force gets in the way? He didn't want to kill them , he didn't want innocent blood on his hands - especially Jewish blood. He rubbed his hands in frustration and pounded his fist on the table so that the Bible jumped up.

"Fuck , what's wrong with me?" He said out loud. All he got was silence surrounding his room. He got up from the couch and started walking around the room. He walked one way and the other having his hands behind him. What should he do? Get drunk with alcohol? - Too stupid and so he would survive the highest per mille of alcohol in his blood. Slit his veins? He is not emo to do so. Puncture himself with a lightsaber?" That's stupid! Everything is stupid!" He slammed his fist into the wall making a hole. He sat on the floor thinking about his life.

"Hey" On the hologram appeared none other than Arla Jareni - Umbarian , Jedi Master , Last of the Jareni family , Teacher Damian Reese- padawan from the planet Lothal. Her smile radiated on her pale face. She looked at Shepard plunged into depression. "How are you feeling?"

Matteo got up from the floor and snorted, "How am I supposed to feel? Cocky! I don't know what the fuck is happening to me! I walk around scared all the time , afraid of whether the dark side will take over my fucking mind! I'm fucking scared! - I go to sleep with my eyes open! I'm scared Arla I'm scared!" Matteo shouted at her panicking. Concern appeared on Umbarian's face - not once in her life had she seen fear surround her body and soul. She already knew what to do.

"Come to me . We'll talk. I know how to help you" She hung up. Matteo immediately headed for the exit.

Arla Jareni and Damian Reese's room

Arla sat on the bed along with Matteo. The two were drinking tea and talking to each other. Damian was sleeping on his bed. Arla sipped her tea and poured another one. Matt still had his tea.

"So , you have trouble controlling your emotions. For the Jedi, there are no emotions - there is peace. We control our emotions. We don't show them. We don't let the dark side control us. That's how we are stronger," said the Umbarian woman taking the poured tea in her hand. Matt looked at her.

"On the Star Destroyer she showed emotions , so what the fuck are you going to tell me about emotions" Matteo muttered taking a sip of tea. Arla looked at him. O did not understand anything.