Still You

Chapter Eighteen

RADD CORDOVA

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"NA-REVIEW mo na ba 'yong script na pinadala ko sa 'yo? Kinukulit na 'ko ng production team. They've been very eager to know your response."

Natawa ako sa pambungad sa akin ni Kat nang sagutin ko ang tawag niya. I haven't read the script yet. Heck, ni hindi ko pa iyon nabubuklat. I had been insanely busy these days.

Busy ka kakabantay kay Eira! Ni ayaw mo nga yatang mawala kahit isang segundo sa paningin mo, eh? Iba ka rin, 'tol!

Lihim akong napangiwi sa sinabing iyon ng alter ego ko. Though, I wouldn't argue with that. Sinusulit ko lang ang mga oras na kasama siya. I had been away from her for years. Ngayong inamin ko na sa sarili kong mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya, ayaw ko na siyang pakawalan pa.

Sumandal ako sa hamba ng glass door kung saan ako nakatayo. I was at the doorway towards the veranda. Doon ko sinagot ang tawag ni Kat dahil baka magising si Eira na nahimbing na sa sofa ng entertainment room. We were watching some movie pero nakatulog na siya hindi pa man nakakalahati ang pelikula.

"O, natahimik ka," Kat's voice cut through the fog, bringing me back to the moment. "Are you still planning to go through with your plan kaya ka umuwi? You said you wanted to make Eira pay for what she did. 'Yon pa rin ba ang dahilan kaya hindi mo kino-consider ang drama offer para sa 'yo?"

I rubbed my forehead, a sigh escaping my lips. Ngayong ipinaalala niya iyon, alam ko na sa sarili kong hindi ko makakayang ituloy pa ito. Now, I just wanted to forget about it and move on.

"I don't know anymore, Kat. It was all so clear when I started this. I wanted her to feel the same hurt, the same emptiness that I've been carrying for years. But now..."

"But now, what?" she asked gently.

"I don't think I can do it," I admitted. "I thought seeing her suffer would make it easier, that it would finally let me move on. But every time I look at her, I... I just can't bring myself to hurt her. I realized, hindi ko kayang magalit sa kaniya. I still love her, Kat."

Kat's silence was understanding, and I could almost see her nodding on the other end of the line.

"Mabuti at na-realize mo 'yan. Alam kong hinding-hindi mo magagawang saktan si Eira. Masyado mo siyang mahal para gawin ang kalokohang 'yan, 'no? You're not like that at all, Radd." Mahinang natawa si Kat. "Also, you don't have to go through with it just because you once thought it was the right thing to do."

"I know," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. "Ngayon gusto ko na lang kalimutan lahat ng mga 'yon. I'm tired of holding onto the past."

But just as I said the words, I heard a soft sound behind me-a sharp intake of breath, like a gasp. I turned, my heart dropping to my stomach.

Eira stood in the doorway, her face pale, her eyes wide with shock and hurt. Hindi na niya kailangan pang magsalita. Malinaw kong nakita ang emosiyong dumaan sa kaniyang mukha. The misunderstanding, the betrayal she thought she had uncovered.

"E-Eira, i-it's not what you think..." Humakbang ako para lapitan siya. Pero nagsimula siyang umatras habang sunod-sunod ang pagpatak ng kaniyang mga luha.

"N-Narinig ko ang lahat, Radd," nanginginig ang boses at puno ng panunumbat na bulong niya. "P-Paano mo nagawa sa 'kin 'to..."

"Please, hayaan mong magpaliwanag ako," I pleaded, taking a step toward her, but she flinched, shaking her head.

"D-Don't try to explain it away. I-I heard enough..." she said, her voice barely holding together.

Before I could say another word, she turned and fled outside the room, her footsteps echoing in the silence. I stood there, frozen, the phone still clutched in my hand, feeling the weight of everything crashing down around me.

Fuck!

She thought I was still planning to hurt her, that I was going to follow through with a scheme that I had already decided to abandon. And now, because of that misunderstanding, I might have lost her all over again.

Paulit-ulit pa akong malutong na napamura saka nanghihinang sumandal sa malamig na glass door. Regret had been settling deep in my chest. I wanted to fix this, to make her understand, but I knew that the damage had already been done.

─•❉᯽❉•─

BUMULUSOK ako sa malamig na tiled floor nang dumapo sa mukha ko ang malakas na sipa ni Reeth. Fuck! It was a solid roundhouse kick!

Damn! Bakit ko ba nakalimutang black belt sa Taekwondo ang babaeng ito?

I grimaced as a sharp pain shot through my face, causing my vision to blur. Blood trickled from my nose, which felt strangely numb and distant. I wiped it away roughly, struggling to clear the fog in my head. I forced myself to stand, but my limbs felt heavy and unsteady. I stumbled and collapsed back to the ground.

Reeth stood over me, her expression a mix of fury and resolve. Hindi ko na siya kailanganing tanungin kung bakit ito ang isinalubong niya sa akin pagpasok pa lang niya ng sala. It was seven PM at kauuwi lang niya mula sa trabaho. It was a good thing that Mama was still in Bontoc. Baka atakihin ito sa puso kapag nakita kung paano ako bugbugin ni Reeth.

Eira might have told her about what happened already. Nanikip ang dibdib ko nang maalala ang nangyari kaninang umaga. Kagagaling ko lang halos sa bahay ng mga Villena pero hindi ako pinapasok ni Manang Nelia. Iniutos daw iyon ni Eira. Tito Leonard and Tita Margarette weren't at home-bagay na pinagpasalamat ko.

Gusto kong maayos ang lahat sa pagitan namin ni Eira bago pa dumating ang parents niya. Pero mukhang malabong magagawa ko iyon dahil tila wala nang balak si Eira na kausapin ako.

"Gago ka, Radd! Pa'no mo nagawa 'yon kay Eira, ha?" dumadagundong na sigaw niya.

Mayamaya puno ng panggagalaiting lumapit siya sa akin. Mahigpit niyang hinatak ang kuwelyo ng suot kong damit.

"Reeth, let me explain. I understand why you're angry. I'm sorry. But please, just listen to me."

Reeth's gaze was unrelenting. "Shuta! Ano'ng pakikinggan ko, ha? Kung paano mo plinanong saktan at gawing miserable si Eira? Na-disappoint ako sa 'yong gago ka! I thought you were better than this!"

"Fuck it, I am!" I pleaded, trying to push through the pain. "Alam kong mali ako. I never meant for any of this. I thought hurting her would make me feel better, and help me move on, but it's not true. Mahal na mahal ko si Eira, Reeth. Maniwala ka, I'm not the monster you think I am."

Pinilit kong tumayo kahit na dama ko pa rin ang pag-ikot ng paningin ko. Kumapit ako sa arm rest ng sofa para suportahan ang sarili ko. Marahas akong nagbuga ng hangin nang magawa kong maupo roon at maisandal ang nanakit na katawan sa backrest nito.

Naupo si Reeth sa katapat kong leather couch. Naningkit ang mga nanlilisik na mga mata niya habang matalim na nakatingin sa akin. Nakakuyom pa rin ang mga palad niya, but I saw a flicker of hesitation in her expression.

Sinamantala ko iyon at muling nagpatuloy, "I need you to believe me. I need you to understand that I'm trying to fix this..."

For a moment, she seemed to waver, the anger in her eyes giving way to a storm of conflicting emotions.

"Bakit pa ako maniniwala sa 'yo? Pagkatapos mo siyang gaguhin at pagmukhaing tanga?" Gigil na humalukipkip siya.

"Kasi 'yon ang totoo, Reeth," I said, my voice cracking with desperation. "I can't undo the damage, but I'm asking you to give me a chance to make it right. Mahal ko si Eira at hindi ko na siya kayang saktan pa."

Reeth's breathing was heavy, her eyes locked onto mine as if searching for any sign of deceit. The silence between us was thick with tension, and I could feel the weight of her judgment bearing down on me.

"Fine," she said finally, her voice a low growl. "Pero kapag napatunayan kong nagsisinungaling ka, shutangenamels, Radd! Sisiguruhin kong 'yang mga mata mo lang ang walang latay!"