✮𝔦𝔱𝔰 𝔰𝔬 𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔶✮

ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ ᵉⁱᵍʰᵗᵉᵉⁿ

𝐘/𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐯: I missed axl so much, he was my world and I didn't have him for almost a month I barely even talked to Izzy, I didn't talk to anyone not even my close friends I didn't want to do this but I didn't have a choice nothing was ever going well in our relationship, I didn't even believe that bullshit story he told me, maybe it was the truth but. He still had a dick in another woman. I can't just forget that happened because of some blackmailing thing what is this the 50s Jesus Christ, making sure I don't tell my husband and I fucked the neighbor get fucked , I did miss him and these last three weeks were absolute chaos.

𝐘/𝐧 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬.

Jesus Christ I can't do this, I fucked up, why would I break up with the only man that I have ever loved, well on a "break" what even is that, what the fuck was I doing, and I can't just say I want to get back together the next day, so I kept my word, fuck I wish I didn't , I made a deal with myself that I wasn't going to call, go to his house, nothing, the only thing I did was relapse, I started cutting again, and worst than before, I have never done it this bad, the only I knife I had and used was my butterfly/switchblade knife I only used razors before. It was never this extend, my thighs looked terrible, I was ashamed of what I looked like, I felt worthless, like nothing ,but all I could think about was how much I fucking missed him so much, all I wanted was him, or even Izzy to talk to , because he was still my best friend, but we had sex , like everyday, all I wanted was to fuck him UGH. We had the best sex ever, like I have ever had in my whole life, no one ever made me feel the way he did, the way he would talk to me, the way he would touch my skin, I would literally get old just by him talked to me, please all I wanted was my baby to come home, I know I did this but I regretted it, I didn't mean it, I needed him, but I knew he wouldn't come right away since he was a man of his word

I would wait till he came to me, I honestly thought he was never going to come, till one day, I saw his car drive into my driveway, Izzy? Why was he driving? I was looking through my window, but I saw Izzy run over to the passenger side. There he was. My baby. Axl fucking rose. I haven't seen him in weeks. He looked terrible like sickly, Izzy helped him walk to the front door, what the fuck was wrong with him. I opened the door looking at them confused but also grateful, I was so happy he finally came to see me. "Hey y/n, how have you been." Izzy spoke while guiding axl onto the couch, what the fuck, he was covered in track marks on his arm and his nose bleed a little bit and he looked so fucking skinny and pale, but somehow his hair was still perfectly straight and gorgeous. Fuck I loved this man so much, "hey you guys, I have been uh- hanging in there." I tried to laugh about it, axl looked at me, it almost made me cry, "Izzy can me and y/n talk, you can talk my car anywhere, just let me talk to her please." He asked desperately, I almost forgot what his voice sounded like, it was so smooth, almost angelic, I still loved him, I would never stop loving him, I never would or even could, and fucks sake it was almost Christmas, I wanted to have him for Christmas I had the best gift picked out, it was a custom bandanna with our names sewed into it, it was so cute, I got Izzy this cute little stuffed bear that says "smoking kills." I got it for because him because he lived off cigarettes and Dr Pepper, I thought it was cute and funny, I knew he would like it,

when Izzy left, it was crickets, "axl, I missed you so much I regret this break. Can we go back to normal, please all I want is you baby." I started to cry, I put my head into my knees, "baby I have wanted to hear you say that for weeks, but I came here to tell you more than getting back together, which I thought you wouldn't want too." He said giving a chuckle, he really thought I wouldn't take him back, he is one dumbass, I loved him more than anyone else in the world, but what did he have to tell me? What was so important that he came in this condition, "axl what's wrong." I said putting my hand on his arm gently, why would he do this to himself is all I kept thinking, "so you remember everything that happened, she fucking lied. It was all for nothing. There was no court case. No legal issues. Nothing. All she wanted was for me and you break up." Those words hit me hard. This fucking cunt that I didn't know was trying to break us up who even was this woman. "Who is she axl." I said looking him dead in the eyes, "it's Erin. Erin everly , she is my ex girlfriend she is obsessed with me and is crazy as a shit house rat, I guess she heard about you and went off the hay wire." I was going to fucking kill her, I didn't get a good look at her when we were at the club but I knew her axl introduced me to her when the dated a while back, it didn't last too too long maybe a year? I couldn't remember, but why did I start believing him more, she was a crazy girl. Very crazy. I remember that one time she egged axls car and she came to me saying I slept with him even though I was literally out of town, like I was in New Jersey, THEY LIVE IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA! and she tried to fucking hit me, I just walked away, she was piss drunk, but I can't say I haven't slept with axl now, HAHA FUCK YOU BITCH, "how about we show her who she fucking messed with huh baby, Bonnie and Clyde shit." I say getting up and sitting in his lap, putting wet kisses on his neck, I could tell he was sick but I honestly didn't care in that moment I missed him so fucking much. "Baby we are Bonnie and Clyde and let's show her... but maybe after we fuck." He said with a grin he pulled my hips and grinded me on himself. I let out a small moan, god I missed this. "Wait are you sure you're not too sick." I said to him realizing I should maybe care, then I remembered my thighs, no he can't see him, he can't see what I look like. I can't let him see me in this state. "Baby I could care fucking less if I was dying I would still try to have sex with my girl." He said kissing down my neck, I blushed at him but I can't. No fucking way. "Axl we can't." I say getting up and moving to the side. He looked at me worried " what's wrong baby, did I say something." Fuck I loved him and it's not I didn't want to have sex with him are you fucking kidding me, all I wanted was him, but he couldn't see me like this, "no axl you didn't say anything, how about we just.. I don't fucking know. Anything besides fucking." I snapped. I don't even know why. I wasn't mad at him. I just didn't want him to see. Never. He maybe saw scars but they fade with my skin tone, but he never said anything, he looked at me so heartbroken when I spoke, I don't think I ever turned him down. "I'm sorry y/n, I didn't mean to pressure you, I can't lose you again." I broke down inside with those words. "Axl, stop fucking saying sorry. It's me not you, I can't let you see me fully that's fucking why." I said wiping the tears that started falling when I spoke, "baby what are you talking about." I stood there. I did the unthinkable. I just pulled my sweatpants off. I cut before he got there, there was dried blood all over my thigh. There had to be a million cuts. He fell to the ground and grabbed my legs and fell into me. "Baby no. Don't tell me I made you do this."

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏𝟓𝟏𝟎

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐱𝐥 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨?