A Ray of Sunlight

Chapter 28 - Ray of Sunlight (Haruto's POV)

TW: Death

"Father?" I pushed open the door that led to the inside of the commander's office. "Father?" I spotted him with his head on a pile of paper, sleeping, away from the music and noise of the annual Christmas party for the day cycle.

Ever since last week, Koichi had been nagging me to go to the Christmas party. The Christmas party starts at 8 pm and anyone can join if it's not their cycle. Occasionally someone from the evening cycle or the night cycle would join for a bit before they would walk away but other than those exceptions, most of the people there are from the day cycle. Koichi said that because I'm so busy with work, I never got an opportunity to get to meet everyone there and he said I really need to get a life. Honestly, all I wanted to do was stay at home, go to bed, forget about everything and just not care anymore even if it means not having a life. I have been skipping dinner and going to bed sooner and sooner, skipping showering or tending my wounds. Nothing's wrong. I'm just...really tired. It's okay though. I always tell myself I'll have a fuller breakfast but I never do.

I sat down on a chair near father's and looked around the office. I try to picture laughter and even a glimpse of joy but it all seems to be hidden by the dusty and dull wall. I sighed and looked back at father's messy hair and dark circles under his closed eyes.

"Father..." I stared at him for a second. "Father, I'm sorry." My lips started trembling and I couldn't format my words correctly. Why am I like this? "Father, I'm...really sorry. Can you please forgive me?" He remained still like a statue, perfectly in place. "Father, I'm really sorry for all that had happened. For Yukio, for Katsunori, for you and... and everyone." I could feel my eyes water but I wiped it away quickly, the tears leaving a wet blob on my jacket sleeve. "I'm sorry that you're sad and I didn't realize. And...and for not taking care of you and your problems. I'm sorry. Really. Can you please forgive me? And wake up. And talk to me. And cook with me. And...and...and even...even just sitting with me will...will make me really happy." The slightly opened window let in a gust of wind and I shivered. Father's hair swayed slightly in the wind without a care. I got up and draped my jacket over father's shoulders. "Sorry." I said as if I had just disrupted the atmosphere of the office and walked out, the door slowly closing with a creak.

"Haruto?" Uncle Aoi said as I was walking away from the office.

"Uncle Aoi?" I respectfully bowed. "How are you today?"

"Good." There was an awkward silence. "What were you doing in the office? Is your father still sleeping?" I nodded and uncle Aoi sighed before he frowned and his lips curled downwards. He pulled out his sword and threw it to the ground. The metal loudly hit the ground with a clang. I remain expressionless. I was too tired to do anything. All I wanted to do was go home and hide under my blankets. "That stupid Kaito!" Uncle Aoi was breathing really hard. "STUPID! All he does is hide everything behind that smile! That smile...that smile...that fucking...stupid...ass smile!" I stared at Uncle Aoi. He quickly turned to me and placed his hands on my shoulder. "Haruto! Do you understand what I'm talking about?! Kaito, your stupid father...your dumb father! All he does is worry about other people to the point where he doesn't give a SHIT about himself, always saying he's FINE, he's GOOD, he's...he's...he's...Haruto...I'm sorry if I scared you."

I looked up from staring at the tiled floors and looked into Uncle Aoi's now widened eyes. "Is something wrong?" I realized something cold was trickling from my eyes and realized tears were rolling down from my dull eyes. "Oh." I wiped the tears with the palm of my hand. "I'm okay." I forced a smile. "Don't worry." I walked away, into the dim staircase.

"Hey, do you know where Koichi is?" I turned around and found Aki behind me, waving. I quickly ran over.

"I'm not sure, I was just looking for him." I replied.