I owe myself an apology
For all of the times
I tore myself apart
From inside out.
When I neglected my own needs,
Lowered my standards,
Berated and belittled myself,
Always putting myself last and
teaching others to do the same
Not fighting for a purpose
just giving myself away
For the self-sabotage
I continuously inflicted upon myself
For the self-destruction I allowed to "wipe" me away
The times when I apologized For being who I was and hating who I am
And expressing myself non-authentically.
And I owe myself honesty and loyalty,
With the permission to begin over again.
Again and again until I am content and satisfied,
To forgive myself
For battles I've fought that weren't mine to fight.
Wars I have let defeat me because I stood my ground not.
For all of the love I gave 'away t
hat wasn't mine to share
and I refused to give myself.
And for the times I failed to realize
that rather than being broken...
I was... I am worthy of respect, value,
and beautiful magical greatness in my journey's of
life,
But mostly love. I am worthy of love.
How I've treated myself and allowing others to do the same dictated how important ppl see and know me
And with consequence, react or behave towards me.
Especially my sons whom now are grown
Accepting they may never forgive my absence allowing acceptance to chance.
Loving myself to not allow dictation of others to change my thoughts.
To always believe in my self ,my worth , I am a pillar of strength.
By loving myself and providing myself kindness, forgiveness, self-respect and understanding the pain for closure
For a deeper understanding of peace within myself and learning to hear my soul.
For a balance of dignity and courage.
For a true finality of accepting the consequence and or consequences.
Forgiving myself for the mistakes and infliction of hurt I have caused to others.
Learning from the pain and sadness and continuously fighting for my happiness and love.
Loving my self enough to protect myself from those who have no regard or know of such humility.
Teaching myself it's OK to be me
Its ok to be Amberly.
In turn, pave the way For others to do the same.
Amberly Mathers ( Ensenada ave)
