Linger in love

(37) New Start

After the meal, Colin walked outside. He was soon followed by Penelope. Her frown grew deeper as she descended the steps.

How she missed this place. It was like another world. She spent to much time dreaming of a life as a Bridgerton. To have the respect that their prestigious name entails. There wasn't anyone in London who wouldn't give anything to be associated with the family.

Pen was one that did not care for the respect the title would give, more for the family, themselves. Each family member was a joy to be around and she had heard from servants that the Bridgerton were renowned for their kindness towards the help.

How different her life would have been if she was born to a family that cared. That showed joy to merely be in her presence and showed affection to one another.

Mr Colin Bridgerton, who she believed to be the epitome of kindness and wonder had let her down. She could not blame him for that, but she blamed him for declaring loudly of their indifference.

Colin's eyes locked with hers as she rushed down the steps. With her small statue and heaving bust, she couldn't help but be a little self conscious that Colin would have noticed her breasts bounce as she moved. Her cheeks threw a dark shade of red. How embarrassing.

Colin sighed with relief when he saw his old friend rushing to see him "Pen"

"Colin, was there something you wanted to say to me?"

"I apologise that I had not told my family of your life, I thought it best to come from you. I did not mean for it to come with consequences, resulting in Anthony asking question"

"It is not his fault, Colin. He did not know. I do not blame either of you. We do not need to discuss this"

"Is there another topic we are need of discussing?" Colin asked, hoping she would direct her next sentence to her feelings on Lord Debling or himself.

"Well. I know you are curious on my choice to let me be pursued by Lord Debling.." she took a hard swallow ".. the thing is Colin, I held a flame for you and for so long all I wanted was for you to return the sentiment but love is no longer important for me" Colin grimaced, a hint of skepticism in his demeanour. She continued "Love can only happen once. I cannot, and will not loose another man I love. Debling offers friendship and protection"

"... but Pen, so do I"

"That is all well and good Colin, but I find myself unsure of your true intentions. We had been friends for so long and I wish you to find a love match. As I do"

His brain and his heart were fighting for dominance. He wanted to tell her he loved her, because he was starting to believe it, but he understood her resistance to find another love. He did not want to push, but he could not watch her marry a man she barely knew, all for the sake of propriety.

He did not know what to do, he grew silent and he tightened his jaw, his lip flicked at the edge as he weighed his options.

"Pen. If you, indeed, feel in love again..." his eyes burned into her so heated, that she had to take a breath "... would that change your decision?"

Her simple word "Perhaps" gave him more hope than he had in days. Why could he not just tell her. Why was this so damn hard. He was a confident man, was he not. Yet, the sentence 'I love you' felt the hardest thing to say.

"So.."

"So" he repeated her with a breath he didn't realise he was holding "Have you and my sister become friends again?" He asked cautiously, considering the harsh words his sister spoke of her, he thought he best be gentle.