About Harry

Chapter 26 - The argument

The next day at work became much easier as the workload accumulated kept him busy, keeping at bay everything else and could hardly spare the time to think about his or anybody's else troubles. He was glad of it. Anything that wouldn't allow him to muse, was welcome. He only got few minutes during lunch to eat something, under strict order from Ginny, and then he plunged again into work until evening.
When he got home, Ginny was waiting for him with Hermione's reply.

Dear Ginny and Harry,
Thank you for your letter and for your concern.
Here things are desperate. I don't know how to handle them. I'm thinking to move with Ron and Hugo to the Burrow or to my parents'. We cannot stay in this house any longer. We keep receiving nasty letters from people; I'm not reading them anymore, but all these owls are starting to attract attention in the borough. We got some howlers too and those were difficult to hide from Ron and Hugo.
Ron is in a dangerous state of mind. I don't want to leave him alone. He won't speak to me. He just stays in bed catatonic staring at the wall. He feels all this dreadfully.
Hugo isn't any better, I'm trying to screen him from what is happening but it's not easy.
I'm also very concerned about Rose at Hogwarts. She didn't mention much in her letters but I'm sure she is having a hard time too. However, I'm glad that she has got James and Albus there. For sure they won't allow students to bully her. That's a relief.
I honestly don't know what is going to happen. And neither I know if and when I will be able to return to work. I will need to find a solution but, at the moment, my mind is blank.

Love,
Hermione


'It would be better for them to go to Hermione's parents. In the muggle world nobody will pay attention to them.' Harry said after having finished the letter. He felt very much for her. They were getting a glimpse of what he got all his life but in a nastier shape.
Ginny couldn't hide her preoccupation and just as he let out that comment she declared straight away, 'You must do something for them'
'Me?!' Harry asked in amazement 'What should I do exactly?'
'Talk to Ron! Talk to people! Tell them to leave them alone!'
Immediately, Harry's irritation made its way.
'I'm not going to do neither' he said firmly 'I told you already how things stand. I'm not seeing Ron again and surely; I'm not going to "talk to people" as you said. I've already done what I could taking him out of Azkaban. I'm not gonna do anything else. From now on he is on his own.' he concluded shrugging his shoulder and letting drop the paper on the table.
Although Ginny didn't react well to his words. Anger reddened her face. 'You are being stubborn and unreasonable!' she accused him with a frown 'Don't you feel for Hermione? You must do something for her!' she added taking the letter and folding it with sharp movements.
However, the rebuke had only the power to turn the increasing vexation making him feel hit in a soft spot 'I've already done something for her' he retorted between clenched teeth 'Ron would still be in prison if it wasn't for me! And I don't want to repeat myself again! Call me stubborn if you like. I don't care. I never asked him to kill Lily!' but the last sentence came out rather higher and mean, piercing his self-control.
'I'm pretty sure he didn't ask you to sleep with Hermione either!' she shouted back 'He finished in Azkaban just because in the Ministry they didn't want to antagonize you! It was the minimum you could do! And now he is getting all this crap from people because of you again! Don't you understand?' she shouted at him upset.
'Are you saying that all of this is my fault?' Harry barked the question slamming his fist on the table in a fit brought up by his anger.
'He is paying for something he would never have done! He loved Lily' she yelled in hysteric tears 'This is happening only because she was your daughter. You must talk to him!'
'He is getting a taste of what he always wanted! Let him enjoy it!' he blorted out bitterly 'I'm not changing my mind. Before being my daughter, she was a child! The guilt would have been the same! He is reaping the consequences of his action. I'm sorry for Hermione but there is nothing I can do.'
'How can you be so mean?!'
'Mean?!' Harry shouted in disbelief 'How can you accuse me of being mean?! I don't want to be his punching bag anymore! He had thrown on me the faults of all his insecurities, of all his problems for years! And see what happened in the end!' his heart was hammering in his chest at the unfairness of her accusations 'I don't want to continue this conversation. It's pointless. I'm going out for a walk' he added in a lower sharp tone, as to mark the forced end of the discussion, rushing from the kitchen and the from the house slamming the door behind his shoulders leaving Ginny still shaken by a nervous sobbing.
Why did the fault of everything have to be his own? He didn't ask for any of this! Why did he ought, on the top of everything else, to feel guilty for something he never wanted? He never wanted his life being public. He never wanted Ron to feel overshadowed by him. He never wanted to have Lily's death.
Why do I have to feel this guilt? Is it really my fault? Was it me who brought this on myself? Is the suffering not enough?
While he was walking randomly, all this anger and torment burning under his skin, drops of cold rain started to fall from above.
He halted and looked at the cloudy sky. No stars, no moon, no redemption in sight, only a hopeless grey fog surrounding him.
He closed his eyes and allowed the soothing drops slide on his face breathing deeply the icy night air.
I just want to disappear now. I don't want to feel anything anymore.
He stood there for a few minutes letting the cold rain fall on him, washing away every distress.
When nothing if not fatigue was left, he started to get back.
He found Ginny on the sofa hugging her legs and crying silently.
He approached her, moved by her tears and placed tenderly his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close in an embrace. He didn't want to argue with her too. She was the only thing to cling to not to be destroyed by his own emotions.
'I'm sorry I shouted at you' he murmured conciliating.
'Oh Harry' she answered between tears 'It's me who must apologise. I told you horrible things, they were really a low blow. I'm the mean one, not you! And it's not your fault, any of this.' She concluded hiding her face against her knees.
'You are not mean. Come on here' he said taking her on his lap. He kissed her salty tears from her cheeks. 'I will see what I can do for them, but, please, don't ask me to talk to him. I can't'.
She nodded and put her arms around his neck.
'I must forgive him, you know, otherwise...' she murmured but Harry could feel by their touch how those words were troubling, and he interrupted her. He didn't need to hear a motive. 'I know, don't worry'
He inhaled the scent of her and, in the feeling of having her close, his heart melted in a mix of confused emotions. Love, pain, despair and fear.
What am I going to do if she died too?
He asked himself his inside aching.
I'm sure I would die with her.
'I love you' He murmured in her ear.
'I love you too' she replied.
Why did he feel like crying?