About Harry

Hermione

Ted didn't come, George won't come either. Harry asked me to put it off, he didn't feel much in the mood for company. I didn't insist as I don't feel much in the mood either.

We eat our breakfast in silence, although none of us very hungry.

The gloom hover in the room assisted by the unabating rain pounding on the window. Surely today we cannot go out.

'What are you planning to do?' he asks while clearing the table.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, are you going to return to Ron?'

He avoids my gaze while asking these questions, cleaning the dishes quickly by magic and storing them away.

'I think you should go back to your family' he continues, lingering with his hand on the cupboard he just closed.

I don't know what to say. A part of me is in anguish at the thought of leaving but the other (the hateful rational one) knows I cannot stay away much longer. I've got indeed a kid and, unfortunately, also a husband who are waiting for me.

I try to silence those clashing voices to understand what is wise to do. Can I leave him alone? Is it not too soon?

Not receiving an answer, he sits again and this time he looks at me, his voice weary but steady

'Look, I know what you are thinking. But I can assure you, I won't start drinking or knocking myself out with muggle stuff or potions as soon as you get out. I won't even look for women to vent out my spleen'

'What are you going to do?'

He doesn't answer, his eyes drifting away, he passes a hand behind his neck massaging it.

'I don't think you should return to the Ministry'

He smirks sadly 'I don't think that either. Insane and Auror don't go well together'

'You are not insane'

He starts fiddling with a coaster left on the table, brooding.

'What about Sunrise?'

He darkens subtly 'She is much better off with Molly and Arthur. She cannot be happy with me'

'You are his father. She asks for you. You must go and see her'

His gaze is fixed on the table, lost 'She is not quite three. She'll forget me soon enough and it's for the best'

I feel a chill driving up on my back, I dart up in consternation and agitation 'Harry, what in the name of god are you saying? Do you want to abandon her? What about Albus and James? Are you going to abandon them too? They will be back for summer holidays you know?? What are you planning to do then?'

'James hates me...'

'He doesn't hate you!' I interject.

'He does. It's my fault if... He hates me and will never forgive me. He will be more than happy to forget my existence. And Albus...' I see how his face gets sombre and sombre, like if he is trying very hard to suppress a grimace 'Albus is the only one in the family that hasn't suffered being a child of mine, let's keep it that way'

I bang my fist on the table enraged by this absurd speech, 'So not to make him suffer you'll abandon him?! How can you expect your kids forgetting about you just like that! Just because you want them to! How can you even think to disappear from their life! They lost their mother; they don't need to lose their father too!'

He doesn't look at me, he doesn't even seem to hear me, listless and dejected his gaze is lost outside the window. After a few minutes of silence, he let the coaster go and rest those green hopeless eyes on me 'So, what are you planning to do?'

I gulp 'I'd stay here a couple of days more if you don't mind'.

I want to keep an eye on him to make sure everything is really fine. He seems back in his sense, and I believe him when he says he won't be back in self-loathing but at the same time I don't like this mood he is in. And I want to convince him to take Sunrise back.

He only shrugs his shoulders 'Plenty of space'

And those three words can take many meanings. The sure ones are "I don't care if you stay or go" and "We are not going to share bed anymore". They pain me more than they should. There is nothing worse than to feel so utterly unimportant, that my presence doesn't give neither solace nor irritation. Only yesterday he was begging me not to go away.

'This afternoon I was planning to go and visit my parents. Do you want to come?'

My parents know him well enough. After the Hogwarts' battle me and Ron went to Australia to look for them. It took us a month, but we did find them. When I lifted the enchantment, they have been off balance for a while, a bit sorry to leave Australia but at the same time they didn't want to be too far away from their only daughter, so they got back eventually.

I introduced Harry straight away as soon as in England. They liked each other very much.

He is always so polite and nice they couldn't do anything else but like him, and being my parents muggles, were not so biased in his regards and treated him as they would have treated any other boy, which it's something that always strike him favourably.

After that he came quite often visiting for tea or dinner. The year Ginny was still at school he even spent some nights in the spare room. It was the only safe place for him besides the Burrow because of the growing popularity. He hadn't grasped the notion yet, but we all did and strove in any way we could to shield him from it.

Mum always saw right through me. Probably the only person who did. I guess she tried to open my eyes on the truth. She was keeping uttering sentences like 'This Harry is such a nice boy' or 'You two get along very well' or 'You always seem very happy with him'. I knew where she was heading but at that time I was still calling "a very strong friendship" what it was nonetheless love, so, I never gave much weight to her words. I convinced her (and through her, myself) that it was Ron the one I loved.

'I'd rather prefer staying here. I'll get a nap. You say hello from me' he says walking limply to the living room.

Before to get out, after a few hours, I peep in to see how he is doing. He is sitting on the windowsill looking outside. He hasn't done anything else the whole of today; he refused lunch and any endeavour on my side to entertain him.

When to my parents I cannot concentrate on any conversation. I'm still thinking about him there, alone with all those dark thoughts hanging on his head.

I pop in briefly to Ted to update him.

Ted is concerned about this turn of event. And quite faltering, full of hesitation, he tells me

'I know I asked you to leave him alone time to time, but things now are quite changed. Don't do it anymore if you can. Do not let him out of your sight'

This advice frightened me. I'm getting back in haste.