About Harry

Chapter 30 - Tricked like a fool

Harry was having problems in believing what had just passed. It was so surreal. He felt enraged against himself for having allowed this to go unnoticed for so many years. Ginny was right, Hermione was in a delicate situation and despite Harry always considered her no more than a sister she was a woman with feelings and desires. He had to be more guarded.
Now however, it was too late, and Hermione couldn't be more lost than she was now.
He remembered what he told Ginny not so long ago about the possibility of having sex with Hermione. He could have done it without love, just for fun, but he could never have kissed her the way she kissed him. It was too intimate, there were too many hopes behind that kiss that shouldn't have been there at all.
Hermione's feelings had revealed itself stronger and deeper than what Harry thought possible. And there was nothing else to be done but to keep her far. He was relieved now they took the decision to move away. It made things easier.
He hadn't been a good friend to them. He had repaid their loyalty and sustain by estrangement. They would have been much happier in their life without him.
There was a cloud of misery following him since he was born, and all the people connected to him were infected by it sooner or later.
When he got home, Ginny had fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for him.
She woke up when he kissed her.
'You have been away long' she mumbled yawning.
'Not very long' he replied sitting close to her.
'How was it?'
'All right. We just said goodbye'
'How are you?' she asked cuddling to his side.
'Actually, I feel doomed for misery' he answered enveloping her with an arm 'Very soon you will abandon me, my sons will become dark wizards and I'll have no choice but chuck them in Azkaban and I'll die alone, friendless and miserable'.
'Mmmh... I see we are in a good mood' she chuckled 'Nothing of what you said is going to happen, I'm sure. And it is not as you will never see Hermione again. It's only till summer'.
Yeah, right.
'I thought to invite Ted over tomorrow since it's Sunday. What do you think?' she asked yawning again.
'Good idea. You could ask him for some advice for your weakness' he answered but by the end of the sentence she was already sleeping.

The next morning, the desire to be out running was stronger than ever. The necessity of making order in his head essential.
The evening before was still in his mind, it had been a strong blow, and he costed him to keep it secret from Ginny. But it was for the better. He didn't even want to imagine her reaction in finding out. Nothing good could come out of it. Moreover he thought it unfair that because his friendship with Hermione was ruined theirs should be also. In time for sure she was bond to realise something. Especially in summer, both if they were going to meet or if they didn't. But there wasn't any point in worrying about it now.
For a moment he indulged himself in the idea that Hermione could realise to have been wrong. But even if that was the case Harry knew very well that it couldn't be back to what had been. There could no longer be the same carelessness, he would have always felt restrained in his behaviour towards her. Now his eyes were open to the fact that she was a woman and therefore, she was to be kept at a distance like all the other women. It couldn't be helped.
He ran to Primrose hill and stopped on the top to enjoy the sight. Days were starting to get longer, and, in few weeks, spring would be upon them.
They had received that morning a letter from the boys all eager for summer holidays to come. He had read it to Ginny while she was in bed, and it had had a wonderful effect on her. A smile had appeared on her face, she had got up straight after it, went to the kitchen and started to plan an elaborate lunch for Ted. He had left her there cheerful and busy, and his heart had lightened. Their happiness was linked inextricably, a smile from her was a guarantee of a smile from him.
When he got back, he could hear fast chattering coming from the kitchen. Ted must have arrived while he was out.
'I'm home' he shouted.
The talking stopped abruptly.
It's never a good sign when that happens.
Once in the kitchen he found Ted sitting at the table with a cup of tea and Ginny standing, her expression troubled. As their eyes met, she smiled but it wasn't a genuine smile.
'What's wrong?' he asked.
'Nothing' Ginny answered a bit too hastily 'If you want to take a shower, I'll prepare some lunch'.
'What's wrong?' he asked again darkening.
'Nothing, Harry' Ted interjected 'I just advised Ginny to go to St. Mungo's to get a potion since she is not feeling that well. And she got worried' and turning to Ginny 'but you have no reason to. Considering the situation, it's probably just the mood that influences your body'. She looked back at Ted widening her eyes slightly but then she slowly nodded.
Harry lightened 'I agree. But go and ask them for a potion anyway. It's been weeks already you are feeling down'.
They had a pleasant lunch, despite Harry couldn't fail to notice how little Ginny ate. They chatted about Ted's training; in a few months he had to choose his specialization.
'I'm thinking to go for the mind field. Hermione gave me some muggle books about it, and I think we have a lot to learn from them. They have a proper role, psico-something, to treat the mind which is not about potions making at all. It sounds really interesting.'
Harry felt a bit uneasy at the mention of Hermione's name but tried not to show.
'I couldn't think of anything more appropriate than that. You'll do great' he remarked owning that, probably, all that could be learned from those books, he had already mastered from the age of three.
'Did you ever meet any of those psico-thingies while you were living with your uncle and aunt?' Ted asked eager.
Harry almost heard his uncle's voice "Bunch of time and money wasters! They should be forced to get a proper job!" 'Ergh.... No... Not really... But I'm sure it's an interesting profession'.
After a slice of apple tart as dessert, Ginny excused herself to go and take a nap 'You'll tidy up here, will you?' she asked Harry while leaving the kitchen.
Harry started to collect empty dishes sensing Ted's eyes on him.
'How was Hermione's farewell?' he asked eventually.
Harry had no intention whatsoever to tell the truth. Nobody ought to find out. Although, he was wary as he always had the impression that Ted could read his mind.
'Fine' he just said 'We had dinner here and we took a walk. She must be there by now.'
Ted was silent for a moment but then piped up abruptly 'I know what happened.'
Harry who was carrying some glasses to the sink let them drop in surprise. They shattered in thousands of pieces on the kitchen floor causing a loud clatter. He cursed and taking his wand to repair the damage, hissed between his teeth in Ted's direction 'How can you possibly know?!'.
Ted's hair became bright purple as his mouth fell open 'Harry, I was just testing you! Did something really happen??'
Tricked like a fool.
'Is everything fine down there?' Ginny shouted from upstairs.
'Yeah, I just broke a glass' Harry yelled back closing the kitchen door.
He marched straight to the sink mumbling furiously under his voice 'You, young ones have no respect for adults! You should see me as a father and be deferential!'
Ted laughed heartily at his affirmation 'It's a bit too late to start to be the father after years and years of allowing me to mess around. Let's say that you have been a better older brother. Bill was more the father. So, what happened?' he pressed the matter with a smug smile that really irked Harry embarrassed in having been tricked so easily.
'Scrougify' he muttered to clean dirty dishes and started to put them away. 'If you asked it's because you had a suspicion' he said closing the kitchen cupboard with more force than necessary.
'Yes, I did' Ted admitted frankly.
'Then, you already know' Harry concluded.
'She made a move'
Harry let himself fall onto the chair close to him 'Am I really so blind? Did the whole world notice but me?'
'No, I don't think so' Ted replied comforting 'I don't think anybody noticed anything. I just happened to catch a look or two on her face that made me suspect something. But, on the whole, I would say she was quite guarded'.
Harry felt relieved for a second, but then took his head between his hands plunging in discomfort 'I'm an idiot nevertheless, I should have realised'.
'You are not an idiot' Ted said sympathetic 'You are just sort of naive with women. That's all.'
'I know...' Harry admitted with exasperation 'The thing is, I never even considered Hermione as a woman. She has always been just... Hermione.'
Ted smiled cheekily 'Yet, you slept with her'.
Harry darted from his chair outraged 'I've never....!' However, remembering what had happened nineteen years previously, he collapsed on it again 'Yeah, you're right, I did... But we were young. Younger than you are now. She wasn't in love with me then. Of that, I'm sure' but after a second of consideration he added 'Or maybe she was, who knows. I'm not sure about anything anymore! Tomorrow I will wake up and I'll find out that I was the evil one and Voldemort had been the good guy all along'.
Ted chuckled 'I thought it was recent. I thought that's why she fell for you...'
Ted, of all people was the only one to whom the mention of Voldemort's name didn't provoke any kind of reaction. Harry often wondered why. He had never asked imputing it to one of his many oddities but perhaps it was because he was seeing him on a more human level instead of the representation of evil that he was for the rest of the magical community.
'Are you mental??' he continued 'Of course not! Ginny would have cut my throat and dumped my body in a ditch finding out something like that. I guess she fell for me because I was too caring, and she was lacking affection' he admitted dejected but at the same time he remembered what Ginny had said about women feeling involved after sex. Maybe the damage had been done there.
'Yeah, you were always hugging her. I don't know if it was wise considering Ron was never doing it...'
'Are you rubbing it in??' Harry glared but then after a moment depression settled back in 'Is friendship between men and women so impossible?'
Ted took some time to answer while rocking on the chair 'I'd like to think not. But surely it is not easy. There is always going to be some portion of attraction from one side or the other. In your case, you always had this quite fragile triangle Ron-Hermione-Harry' he said scratching his chin pondering 'It was bound to collapse sooner or later. Ron was too jealous of you and Hermione too needy of affection that she couldn't get from him and the fact that you slept with her, even despite it was so long ago, shuttered it' although he added as a second thought 'Yet most probably it would have happened anyway. Hermione and Ron should have never got together; they clearly aren't suitable.'
Harry acknowledged this as right and it felt good for once not to have to feel all the blame.
'Do you think she is really in love with me?' he asked curious to know Ted's opinion.
'Difficult to say' he answered pondering 'Perhaps not. Perhaps you and Ginny represent what she would like in a relationship. As a couple you wouldn't last two hours anyway. But you will agree with me that right now it doesn't make much of a difference.'
'Yeah...' he assented standing and heading for the window 'I'm glad they are there and not here.'
There was silence for some time, both lost in their reflections.
Then Ted with a look of concern asked Harry 'How are you and Ginny doing?'
Harry knew what he meant; he shook his head looking outside the window 'Not well. Ginny is always sick and tired and I'm doing my best, but all of this is crushing me. I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, it's a bit like having a dementor always close by. I feel like I will never be happy again'.
Ted didn't answer, his hair turning a pale blue together with his eyes. He stood up to join him to the window looking outside to the cloudy day that pocked from the linear buildings on the sides.
'Harry, can I ask you something since you mentioned dementors?' he enquired with a frown.
'Go ahead' he answered thinking how appropriate this analogy with those monstrous creatures was. The feeling he and Ginny were experiencing was so similar to the one he had endured many times in his youth. That crippling mind constriction that robbed one of every hope of future wellbeing.
'What's the shape of your Patronus?' Ted asked him, shifting his glance from the outside to him.
'It's a stag. It has always been a stag'
'When was the last time you produced one?'
Harry shrugged 'I don't know, many years ago, I suppose. Why?'
Ted walked about the room. He halted in front of the shelf with the family pictures, he stared at them and noticing Luna's stone he grabbed it.
He started to play with it shifting it from one hand to the other and then, smiling, he threw it toward Harry who caught it easily.
'I dunno. Maybe you should try to cast one again in a few days. Just to see what happens. You might be able to chase your dementor away.'
As he said it his hair turned green as a lush countryside landscape and the stone picked exactly the same shade.