About Harry

Hermione

At dinnertime his mood is still low. He hasn't been very talkative.

When clearing up, he expresses the wish to wash dishes together. I don't see why to bother since in two seconds can be done by magic, but I give in witnessing his eagerness, nice change from the former apathy.

'I thought about what you told me last night' he addresses me 'I know you cannot stay here for long. You have your family. What does Ron think about you being here?'

'He is not happy, but you don't have to trouble yourself with it. It's my own choice and he has not a say in it.'

I see him darkening even more, I know what he is thinking about.

'Harry, you know you don't have to give weight to what he said at the hospital, do you? He was only upset. You are not to blame in the least'

Molly explained it to me. It was disgusting. In front of his kids and everything. We had a row about it as soon I apprehended it. The worst in months. He wasn't repented at all which literally infuriated me; he still maintains Harry is to blame and we have the duty to save his kids from Ginny's faith.

I believe the shock of their discovery played a huge role in forming those ideas.

The scene was indeed disturbing. Working in the Law Enforcement I should be vaccinated but it hasn't been so. Not when the victims were my two dearest friends. The room was a mess. Bloody marks and signs of collusions everywhere. Harry's martyred body sprawled on Ginny's one, both unconscious, barely alive. She had many contusions, both tortured almost to death.

Ron had been uncapable to give any help whatsoever, and for two days he hardly ever talked. Looking in his eyes one could re-live all the scene.

Eventually a virulent hate toward Harry has been the propulsion force that woke him up from the shock.

Harry is keeping rinsing plates without answering to my affirmation.

I stop him and I make him look at me 'Did you hear what I just said? You are not to blame in the least'

He nods.

'You will still need to go away eventually'

'Don't think about it. I'm here now and this is all it matters. Let's live everything day by day'

'You are not forced to stay only because everybody is asking you to. I can take care of myself'

Yes, I spotted that. He can indeed, with drugs and self-loathing. Yes, he can take care of himself indeed.

'Harry, I'm here because I want to, not because people asked me to. I care about you, and I want you to be well again'

'I realise very clearly that I'm too fucked up. I'll never be well again'

'Don't say that. I'll help you.'

I don't get any answer.

As soon as I'm in the bathroom, he goes to James's room, takes all my stuff and brings them to the lounge. He waits for me out of the door and taking me by the hand he leads me to the sofa.

I try to remonstrate but he doesn't allow me to speak.

'Hermione, stop. Do this for me please. It is you who said to live day by day. It is what I'm doing. Evenings, nights, and mornings are the worst for me. I need you close. It helps me more than I can say. Please, let's not quarrel about it any longer.'

What could I do? Should I impose on him? If I'd be stronger, I probably would. But I cannot be strong when he says he needs me and hugs me with such tenderness. I cannot help but succumb.

Harry:10.000 Hermione: -1

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Today I tried to convince him to meet Ted or George, but he refused flatly. He doesn't want to speak or to see anybody. I didn't press the matter; I'll leave him some more time. However, I succeeded in persuading him to write a letter to Albus and James. I helped him out. It has been excruciatingly painful, I could sense it, but I'm very proud of him. He persevered and wrote two good letters, not long, not sentimental but in his style and I think it can be valued even more for that. They will be happy. Or at least Albus will be surely. I don't know about James. I know he is deeply fond of him, but they are so similar it's difficult for them to get along. Especially now.

I tried as well to persuade him to go to visit Sunrise. She is at the Burrow since obviously Harry wasn't in any condition to perform the role of a father. Soon after the debacle with Ron, James stated his intention to drop school to take care of her. Molly didn't want to hear of it and being him still not of age, he had no choice but to go back to Hogwarts.

Technically it was Ted the one who had be chosen by Harry and Ginny to be her guardian in case of need but at the end it was to Molly and Arthur that she had been entrusted.

Ted asked them to perform that role. He justified it saying that working at the hospital mostly in shifts it's not easy for him to take care of her. It doesn't wash with me. I know Andromeda would have been only too happy to do it when he is at work, and he goes to the Burrow every leisure moment he gets to spend some time with her. My suspicion is that it has been done with the sole goal to keep them busy (especially Arthur) so they wouldn't brood too much over Ginny's death. That child is so chattering, overactive and challenging that doesn't live space for grief. I never stop to be surprised by Ted's wisdom.

Harry didn't even allow me to carry my suggestion to the end.

'She is happier further away from me' he muttered leaving the room, surely not to be pestered, and didn't open his mouth up to dinner.

When in bed, it is not different from the other nights before this one. As usual he asked me to read something to him. I think it has got the power to divert his thoughts and to soothe him, therefore, I always do it with pleasure. He nodded off with easiness, nestled close to me while I was performing my task and his sleep seemed deep and serene.

I fear I'm getting used a bit too easily in sharing bed with him and, I must say, I enjoy the cuddling a bit too much, but he is so gentle; I feel so good in his arms. I'm experiencing what I almost never did with Ron and that, I know, should be wrong. And it's also wrong of me to lay awake some hours every night very well aware of his body close to mine uncapable to get a wink of sleep, but, I hope, I'll get over it eventually.

I'm sure I can learn to enjoy his closeness under the name of friendship, but that happy moment is not arrived quite yet.