About Harry

Chapter 23 - He will be marked by it forever

Platform 9 and ¾ was full of families saying goodbyes. As usual and more than usual, Harry's family was the fulcra of attention; Lily's absence was blatantly visible by everybody enlightening their loss. She was so lively in taking goodbyes at the platform that she could hardly not be missed.
Already the trip going there had been subdued. Harry was so used to taking her by the hand to go anywhere that, when distracted by some thinking or talking with Ginny and he would realise she was not there, he looked for her forgetting that there was a reason for her absence.
Every time it happened it was as if somebody punched him hard in the stomach, leaving him breathless, rising in him the awareness of how empty his hand felt. He would clench it so tightly in a vain attempt to fill it that his knuckles whitened.
Once at the platform he tried to impress on his face the words 'If anybody dares to come close, I'm going to dismember him.'
He couldn't pin down if because of it, or Ginny's hollow expression or a general sense of decency but nobody dared to approach. However, he spotted Ted taking a passionate goodbye from Victoire and could almost see the bad vibes coming from the seventh-year boys around them. They didn't seem to notice anyhow, too busy with their non-verbal salutation. For the occasion Ted's hair were very short and flaming red. Harry smiled, happy for them and halted to a suitable distance not to disturb them.
He turned then toward James and Albus for their goodbyes. He wanted to part with them in a light cheerful way; the mood of that morning and the past afternoon rendered it necessary.
'Ok boys. It may be difficult but try not to brood over what happened and enjoy yourself. Write anytime you feel the need and if somebody tries to pester you with questions, you are allowed to punch them straight...' 'Harry!' Ginny bellowed, 'you are absolutely not allowed to do such a thing!' she said scandalised. Harry and the boys sniggered.
'Ok, use the wand then but check teachers are not around first.'
'Harry for heaven's sake!' Ginny interjected again scowling. She kissed the boys and hugged them very tightly. When she let them go, Harry noticed she had tears in her eyes, but it was the work of a moment, the next they were cheerful and smiling again.
Hermione with Rose and Hugo appeared from the wall at that moment, joining them. It was plain Harry's family wasn't the only one having problems: Hermione's expression was troubled, and Rose and Hugo were at both sides of her with blank faces.
As soon as Rose saw Albus, she ran toward him and took his hand.
She looked at Harry but averted her eyes quickly and she greeted them without looking at them again.
Harry was aware it may happen. He was expecting it. Yet he felt sorry for it. Especially because Hugo was clearly much afraid of him. He kept Hermione's hand, and he didn't answer when Harry and Ginny greeted him. Harry tried to behave normally however, hoping that, with time, they would feel at ease with him once more.
Hermione bade goodbye to Rose promising her a letter as soon as Ron would be home. She nodded and giving another fearful glance at Harry she ran on the train followed by Albus. James having seen his friends was also gone in a minute.
They waited together for the train to leave waving their hands when they appeared on the compartment window.
As soon as the train was out of sight Hermione turned to them 'When are you planning to go?' she asked Harry much agitated.
'I will be going as soon as we get home' he replied understanding straight away her meaning.
She nodded sombre and without adding another word, if not a parting nod, she disappeared behind the barrier with Hugo.
Harry observed her going with a sense of heaviness enveloping him. He wasn't looking forward to go to Azkaban. He wished it could have been different. He wished he could have forgiven him, but he knew he could not. Their friendship was broken without remedy.
He tried to shake off the feeling and said 'Ok, time to go. Where is Lil...' and stopped.
Ok, breath now... he commanded himself while clenching his fists.
He took a big breath; Ginny was looking at him with concern.
'It's all right' he said noticing it trying to squeeze a smile 'Shall we go?'.
When about to move when Ted joined them. His expression was vaguely absent and pleased still retaining the Veela's effect.
'Hi Harry, Hi Ginny' he sighed dreamily.
Harry answered mockingly 'Not to worry. It's only five months and you will see her again.'
In hearing this he woke up with a jolt from his soporific state 'Five?! No way! I'm meeting her at the first Hogsmeade trip. I believe she may have one in February.' he sighed 'It will be a very long month'.
Harry and Ginny exchanged a look trying to repress a smile.
'It will pass. And it's her last year you know...' Ginny said comfortingly caressing his smooth face 'I'll leave you to Harry. I'm sorry but I need to do some stuff at home, but you don't need to hurry. Chat a bit' she added pecking both on the cheek.
Harry glanced her gaze lingering for a split second longer on Ted's eyes and he thought to be able to spot Ted's nodding in response. He could have asked himself the reason of it if only he wouldn't know it already.
Ted's presence always induced his confidence very often leading to a better mood. Ginny had noticed it, and she was giving Ted the opportunity to operate on him. Harry loved her even more for all that care in his wellbeing.
They started to walk in silence side by side, avoiding who seemed inclined to approach them and ignoring all looks of compassion.
'I'm glad to see you so sedate. I was expecting you in a "destroying things mood". I'm glad to see it is not the case.' Ted said once the wall had been surpassed and the muggle's crowd had absorbed them giving intimacy. Harry noted how Ted's hair had changed colour passing the barrier becoming of a very common brown as if the wish of not being disturbed had influenced it.
'I have done my bit of destroying things.' He admitted walking toward the exit 'I have an exceptional wife however, so I got over it'
'I see...' he replied 'I imagine that the way in which you managed to get over it hasn't been that pleasant for neither of you' he added looking in front of him 'correct me if I'm wrong' he concluded.
Harry remained speechless by the capacity of getting to the point of an uncomfortable truth without apparent effort.
When he decided to answer, he did so cautiously 'As a matter of fact, you are right. I wouldn't wish to go into details though. Can I ask you how you possibly know? Were you hiding in the wardrobe?'
Ted squeezed an half smile 'No Harry, I wasn't hiding anywhere. I just knew it was going to happen. I told Ginny to leave you alone, to keep away from you. I advised her to stay at the Burrow with the children. But I know her too. I knew she wasn't capable of leaving you in that state of mind alone.'
Harry was ever more amazed 'Have you got some magical powers I don't know of?'
Ted chuckled 'No, I don't think so. I just pick up things. I study people. I have always done it since I can remember. And I try to slip in their shoes to guess what they would do in different situations. I studied you for all my life. And the day of the funeral was the confirmation of my supposition.'
Harry felt exposed and uneasy. He didn't like to be reminded about those moments.
Ted continued 'Knowing you, I tried to imagine what was going to happen, and I knew it, I've almost seen it. It has been very painful I must tell you. That's why I've got a rough idea of what you felt and what you are feeling.'.
He was serious now and his hair turned back white while he was speaking as if he had lost control over it.
'What about Ron?' he then asked.
'Why does everybody care so much about bloody Ron?!' he burst out before being aware of having done so 'He hadn't lost a daughter. I did!'
Everybody fretted about Ron. Everybody expecting him to help him, to be a friend to him while he just wanted to erase his existence. Why must he worry about Ron after all that had passed? Ron could forget what he had done eventually and go on with his life. He could be free. Harry would have never been free. Imprisoned forever by Lily's memory.
Ted paused thoughtfully 'I guess it's because he is the weak one. You have a strong mind; you fight against what troubles you. Ron, on the other side, is more of a brooding kind of person. If he stays in Azkaban too long, he may go mad and most probably will try to do himself in sooner or later.'
Harry was amazed by this kid and his comprehension of the people surrounding him. He didn't want to dwell too much on Ron however. He didn't want to feel sorry for him. He wanted to hold on his resentment. It was easier to manage than other emotions.
'Well, I'm taking him out. But I don't want to see his face again after that'.
Ted sighed 'I thought that much... And I'm sorry for it. I care about Ron as much as I care about you. And the worst is about to come for him. I'm sure Hermione can see it too.'
'Why?' he asked puzzled by his affirmation 'He is getting out. He will be free in a couple of hours.'
'Harry, I listen to people around me in St. Mungo's. Everybody is talking about it. Sorry for the brutality of the expression I'm about to use but he is the one that killed Harry Potter's daughter. Nobody cares if it was an accident or not. He will be marked forever by it.'
Harry was astounded by this piece of news. It was obvious, yet it was also a revelation. And despite what he had thought just few seconds before, he felt suddenly sorry for Ron. Life was playing a cynic game on him. Always wanting to be popular and recognised, now he turned out to be so for having killed a six year old girl.
'What do you think is going to happen?' Harry asked.
Ted shook his head 'I don't know Harry. I'm just empathetic. I'm not e seer. I only know that a hell of troubles is waiting for Ron out of Azkaban.'