I Need A Map, Sir

Chapter 13 (part 2)

Chapter 13 Part 2

Tears were now streaming down my face freely. He'd left a suicide note?! He couldn't leave me! My heart ached and overwhelming amount. I had to find him... THE ROOF.

"It's my fault, oh my god!" Justin was a mess as he cried out from the floor, I had no time to console him, Ryan was definitely more important right now. I ran out of the apartment door wiping my eyes as I did, they kept threatening to blur my vision but I had to get to Ryan. I found the door at the opposite end of the corridor and shoved it open desperately. It was pitch black and it smelt damp. As the door shut it took the light with it, I quickly grabbed the hand rail and began running up the stairs not really paying attention to my footing. I slipped a few times but continued on. The building was six stories high and with Ryan only living on the second floor I had a lot of stairs to run up. But I did it. I took the awkward step thinking that there was another step when there wasn't, I'd made it to the top. I felt around in the darkness for the door, I could feel a cool breeze so I followed it and sure enough I found the door that was propped open. I yanked it back and threw myself out onto the roof. The wind was blowing a lot more up here and the frigid cold air hit my uncomfortably. 

"RYAN!" I called out desperately as I span around trying to spot him in the night. I froze when I saw his back, he was stood on the edge of the building with a bottle in hand, the moonlight shining directly on him. My breathing sped up and my body went deathly cold. He was swaying so close to the edge. I forced my feet to move towards him. The closer I got the louder his cries were, he was crying hystercially.

"Don't come any closer." Ryan croaked out, I came to a halt as I heard him speak, it was strained and muffled by his tears. I was only a metre or two away from him. I wanted nothing more than to grab him and pull him back but he'd told me not to go any closer, I didn't want to push him. He dropped the glass bottle and watched it fall until eventually it smashed, the sound echoeing up to us. "I can't do it. I'm a failure. Even you can see it."

"I don't think you're a failure, Ryan, please stop it!"

"YOU DO! YOU LEFT! I left. I'm hopeless. I'm pathetic. You left because you knew that I'm a shit dad. I mean look at the way I just left Tyson. I just left him! You saw that so you left. I got you pregnant Sofia, you're just seventeen! I got you pregnant and I'm going to fail you. My parents hate me. They don't care. I'm just pathetic. I can't even pluck up the courage to actually speak to Tyson. He's just a baby but I can't do it. I can't talk to my parents either. Thats where I've been going, I've been going to watch my son, every time I tell myself I'll go in and make amends but I don't. Then you stopped talking to me and out of no where I get the pregnancy tests to find that you've left the country. Justin gave up on me, couldn't take my drinking, didn't want to countinue dragging me home from brawls. I lost him too. I have nothing left to live for if I don't have you. Nothing."

"Ryan... please..." My own tears were streaming down my cheeks, I was doing everything I could to force back the shakes that wanted to take me over. Images of my mother flashed through my mind. I flinched as I heard a car drive beneath us. Katerina Alyssa Diamond. "I can't lose someone else I love." I bit my lip as I desperately tried to stop myself from shutting down. I love him. It hit me hard but the thought of losing him for good made it clear. There was no doubt in my head that I loved him. I love Ryan Edge. I'd been edging closer this whole time, I took the last step and held out my hand. "Please don't make me lose someone else. I love you Ryan. I love you." My hand was shaking as he finally turned to look down at me, his eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks drenched, his face covered in cuts and bruises, his lips swolen. "Please." I begged my voice barely audible. He stumbled back his heels actually leaving the building I gasped, he was going, I was going to lose him. His large hand grabbed mine desperately and with everything I had I pulled him back off the ledge he was on. I pulled him back onto he roof and straight into my arms. I gripped him as if he was going to dissaper, I clutched on to him with everything I had. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I shut my eyes and breathed in his scent even if it was tinged with alcohol it was still Ryan. I rested my cheek against his chest and let out the tears. Finally Ryan reacted and held me just as tight as I was holding him, he bent down so he could bury his wet face into my neck, I rested my chin on his shoulder as I kept my eyes shut.