I Need A Map, Sir

Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

Well I obviously wasn't going to be getting any sleep. I sighed and opened my eyes to the lightly lit room. I'd gotten no sleep, I'd just been lying here with Ryan holding me in his arms. It was comforting listening to him snore lightly but I just couldn't get any sleep. My mind was racing, I kept seeing Ryan falling off the building, jumping off the building, leaping off it, it was on a constant loop in my brain. It was horrifying imagining up the worst situation. Even having Ryan holding me wouldn't make the thoughts cease. I carefully removed Ryan's arm from around me before sitting up. He was out for the count. I crawled to the end of the bed and gently made my way over his feet and onto the laminate floor.  I quietly left the room, shutting the door too as I left. I was surprised how much he'd slept, Justin's tea was magic. 

I didn't know what to do with myself, I didn't feel like eating, or even drinking, well not a drink I would be able to drink in my current condition. I sat down on the sofa and rubbed my temples, I could read or watch TV but I doubt anything could hold my attention right now. Knocking on the door made me jump, I got up and walked over, opening it. 

"Hey." Justin stood there in his work attire looking just as sleep deprived as I. 

"Hiya." I stood back and let him in before shutting the door behind him. 

"Trouble sleeping too?" He asked me as I made my way back to the couch. 

"I don't understand how Ryan can sleep for so long to be honest. What was in that drink? I want some." I laughed lightly. 

"Two sleeping pills." He deadpanned. I looked up at him shocked.

"What?" I didn't know what to say... "YOU DRUGGED HIM?!" I almost screamed. 

"Calm down Sofia, he wouldn't have been able to sleep otherwise and you and I know it. If we're like this how do you think he'd be. How could I have been sure that he wouldn't just go back up to the roof?" He tried to explain.

"Then I would have stayed up all night with him! You can't just drug people!"

"It's not as if he's new to the stuff!" Justin retorted, catching me off guard. I looked up at him even more shocked if that was possible. "Don't look so shocked, he's shown you his life right?"

"He does drugs?!" I put my head in my hand and found myself looking down at my bump. No matter how much I loved Ryan, would the right thing be to let her have a drugged up dad?

"Did. There was a time last year. I wasn't his friend at that point, I couldn't be around him when he was high, I don't condone it. When he was with that girl, the trapped relatioship? He did it to forget. He called me up on christmas when she was shot, thats when we began talking again. I helped him get off the shit." 

"So he doesn't do it now?"

"Well... I found some coke yesterday..." A guilty expression took over his face as he averted his eyes to the ground. "We argued and I told him I'd had enough. Then he phoned me and I came to yours, you know the rest." 

"Don't blame yourself. It's my fault really. I left, then I didn't even tell him I was pregnant in person... I just..."

"You can't blame yourself either Sofia. Anyway, you're back now."

"Lets hope it's enough to bring him back."

"He loves you, you can do it." He offered me a supportive smile. "Anyway, I have to get to work. I'll mark you as sick? Make sure he doesn't come in either." His eyes flickered down the hall.

"I'm not stupid." I rolled my eyes. 

"I'll stop by after work if you want?"

"Na, I'll be ok." I got up and walked him to the door.