I Need A Map, Sir

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Ryan's screming pulled me out of my dream imediately. I shot up and quickly ran to the bedroom and searched for the threat - there was nothing. I looked over to Ryan who was gripping his hair as he lay in the fetal position screaming which was causing Evelyn to stir. I quickly climbed onto the bed and to him.

"Ryan, shh, Ryan!" I gently put my hand on his back, he flinched, then he sat up on his knees and pulled me into a tight embrace. "What's wrong?" I asked him once his screams subsided.

"This happens every night, you're usually not here... I forgot you were here, You're here though, you're here." He burried his face in my neck as he took in my scent and visibly calmed down. I wrapped my arms around him, finally, and held him comfortingly. I glaced at the clock to see I'd only been asleep for half an hour. If it's not the baby it's him. 

"What was it?" I asked him softly as I rubbed my hand up and down his back which seemed to relax him almost back to normal. 

"I messed up Sof, I know I have... I just can't live without you for much longer. My chest hurts and I'm not happy." He told me.

"It's the same for me..." I admitted in a quieter voice hoping maybe he wouldn't hear. I don't want him to know how much he'd upset me. This was his fault. 

"In these dreams, you're gone forever and you take... you take Evelyn and Tyson with you... then Carter gets all three of you and he... he murders you." He whispered that last bit as it made his voice crack. I held him tighter then and felt bad for ever leaving him. "I need to sleep with you in my arms... I-I-I need too." I mumbled. 

"I can't, Evelyn needs to be in the bed." I told him.

"That sofa," He pointed to the double sofa he had in his room in front of the TV. "Pulls out into a bed, she can sleep there..." He almost sounded as if he was begging. I thought about it, I wanted to be in his arms again too but we really need to talk before I do that again. Ryan may have to learn to live without me if we can't sort all of this out. 

"How about I sleep on that sofa instead?" I proposed. Ryan looked hurt as he considered my proposition but he nodded. "Ok. Go back to sleep then." I helped him lie back down and began running my hand up and down his arm that was out of the cover. 

"I missed your birthday." He mumbled regretfully. He was already half asleep as he spoke then seconds later he was completely out of it. I slowly climbed off the bed but as I did Evelyn decided she was hungry and woke up. I could see her preparing to cry so I quickly picked her up and left the room just before she exploded.

"Sof?" Ryan looked up at me from beside me on the bed with a questioning look, his one eyes still barely open I wanted to kiss it better, I just wanted to kiss him and be in his arms but with Evelyn now involved, I mean even without her, I need to be practical.

"She wouldn't sleep otherwise." I explained. He nodded but a small smile crept onto his lips before it fell again. His hand came up to my cheek.

"Have you even slept?"

"Only that half an hour." I told him honestly.

"You need-"

"When you're a single mum you run on no sleep." I told him before realising I'd said single mum a hurt look crossed his face. "I didn't mean that... I just, I've been alone."

"No, you're right to say that... I-" He was cut off by the door knocking.

"It's me!" Justin called.