I Need A Map, Sir

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The shrill ring of my phone pulled me out of my vicious nightmare. I sat up and fumbled around on my bedside table to try and find the source of the sound before it could wake Brad up. Once I got a firm grip on the mobile I answered it and put it to my ear to hear heavy breathing of a very stressed out individual.

"Hello?" I'd be so pissed off if this was a stupid prank call, I glanced at the clock to see it was just gone four in the morning.

"Miss Diamond?" A frantic female voice spoke my name.

"Yes?"

"Mr Edge is insisting you get here now."

"That isn't part of the treatment? He's not going to get better about me leaving if he can't be without me for just a night!"

"No, no, we know that. His evaluation isn't until tomorrow morning so we can't yet determine what his social contact will be but we think it's best you talk to him over the phone so he will calm down."

"Has he hurt himself?" My voice was weak and small, just the thought of Ryan being in pain without me even being there upset me. It hadn't even been a night. I could feel my stress levels rising by the second.

"We've managed to remove the source of the cuts." She informed me.

"YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM." I yelled, annoyed that I'd sent him there to get the care he needed and they clearly weren't providing it.

"As I said, he hasn't yet had his assessment."

"I hope it's going to be first thing in the morning." I lowered my voice again as I attempted to take deep breaths, stress was not good for the baby. "Just put him on the phone." There were a few exchanged words and scuffling before the next dose of broken breathing.

"Sof?" His voice was so timid, so small, so broken.

"What's up Ry?" I took a deep sigh and let all the anger leave my body.

"You... you weren't here. You left. I... I pushed you away. You don't want me. I'm worthless. I cause nothing but pain..." He began to sob and I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms knowing if he was feeling like this that it would put him at a lot more ease. But I couldn't so my voice would have to do.

"I'm right here, I'm at home. I didn't leave you, I'll be right here when you come back but I did leave you there. Where you will get better. They want to help you. It's not that I don't want you Ryan, I love you, but they can help you better than I can and can ensure you're safe. You're not worthless, you're my everything, I honestly wish you could see how much you mean to me. How much leaving you hurt me. You don't just cause pain Ryan, every relationship does have pain though, like now, you're pain is putting me in pain. But pain is only a small slither of what you bring me Ry, you bring me joy, happinness, excitement but most of all you bring me love. You've let me know what it feels like to love and what it is like to be loved. You've also given US a daughter. Ryan, you mean the world to me, you are my world. And for that reason you need to get better, for me, for your daughter, for yourself!"

"Everything would be so much better if I wasn't here Sof, I wouldn't have a son out there who I didn't speak to. If my ego hadn't gotten the best of me Kail would still be alive. If I hadn't come into your life maybe you'd have completed college and be off to start your future."

"No. If you weren't here what do you think I'll do? Have I not lost enough people? Losing my mum was the hardest thing I've ever been through and if I lost you too... it would push me over the edge. I know how you're feeling, I've felt exactly the same, I know you're probably not even listen to me but if you listen to something I want you to listen to this. I need you to co-operate with these people and I need you to promise you won't try and kill yourself. I need you Ryan."