Thorns

Chapter 29

As I open my eyes, I saw the familiar lights above and the strong smell of alcohol in the school clinic. Minsan na akong napunta rito noong tinulak ako ni Elena sa swimming pool. Kusang gumalaw ang kamay ko, doon ko lang naramdaman na may nakahawak pala roon.

I wish I hadn't woken up. I wish I could sleep longer—escape my reality longer.

It's Jackson, gripping tightly in my hands. Normally, his touch was comforting, but when I finally woke up and remembered what happened, I realized that his touch was too tight and painful—I couldn't feel the warmth in it.

Bumangon ako at bumitaw sa mga kamay niya. Sinubukan niyang kunin ulit pero iniwas ko lang. At kahit hindi nakatingin sa kaniya, nararamdaman ko ang sakit niya sa ginawa ko.

"The school nurse said—"

"Let's break up." In calm and cold toned. Pait at sakit ang sumagi sa sariling lalamunan ng sabihin ko ang mga katagang iyon. Dahil hindi ko naman inisip na mangyayari ang lahat ng ito... ang lahat ng panloloko na ginawa niya, pagsisinungaling at pagiging tanga ko.

Hindi siya nakasagot, nanatili lang ang tingin sa akin. Kinuha ko ang sapatos sa lapag at mabilis na sinuot. Tinanggal ko na rin ang cold fever na nasa noo.

"Roseanne, p-please—"

"Seeing you right now, disgust me." I saw the sharp pain in his eyes.

"Do you understand? Can you just let go of me? I don't have the energy to argue with you."

"P-please let me explain. Magpapaliwanag lang ako—"

"Your dearest friend already explained." Diretso akong lumabas ng kuwarto at napatayo bigla ang school nurse ng makita kami ni Jackson na palabas ng clinic.

Palubog na ang araw at wala ng estudyanteng nakita. How many hours did I sleep? I don't feel any fever anymore, but my head still hurts.

My chest still hurts. As if something or someone is pressing on my heart, and it continues to hurt. My vision started to blur.

"You're going to believed her? Hindi lahat ng sinabi niya totoo—"

"Alin ang totoo roon? At alin ang hindi totoo?"

I faced him as I saw the pain and fear in him. Tired with bloodshot eyes.

"Paano mo nalaman ang totoo at hindi sa totoo sa mga sinabi ni, Elena sa akin? Kung pati ikaw... niloloko ako?" he tried to grab me but I quickly avoided it. My heart broke as I saw the pain in his expression.

"Sa una lang 'yon, matagal na 'yon—"

"Matagal na 'yon? Limang buwan ang nakalipas? Anim? Pito? Ganoon pa rin 'yon!" as my tears streaming down my cheeks.

In the past few days, with so much that happened, with the pain, and with the tears I shed, I thought it was gone. I thought I was numb, but when I saw his eyes, I remembered our happy moments and thought that it was all not true, that it was all his deception.

"Niloko mo pa rin ako!" He successfully grabbed my hands and arms, but the moment I felt his touch, it was too hot and burning. I felt like I was going to melt and I avoided him.

"Don't fucking touched me!" as I wiped my tears and walked faster. I bit harder on my lower lip, so I couldn't stop my sobbing. I couldn't control my own tears.

Fuck these tears.

"Roseanne, I admit it! Yes!" I stopped walking. My whole heart completely fell; I was completely stunned because of his confession. Tinanggap ko na kanina, na lahat ng ginawa niya, lahat ng intensyon niya, lahat yon panloloko niya lang.