Thorns

Chapter 25

After the encounter with Sherman, I never see him for the next three days. Kahit sila Emily at Nicole nagtataka sa sunod sunod nitong pag absent lalo na at malapit na ang final defense para sa aming thesis. Mukhang walang nakakita o nakakaalam sa ginawa niya, kahit pa ang mga kaibigan nito.

Even though I am okay to see him again and pretend that it didn't happen for the sake of his friends and our ongoing paper—but the sleepless nights, the nightmares I experienced for the past days were terrible. Hindi ako makatulog ng maayos dahil pakiramdam ko may nakatingin sa akin, o nasa loob siya mismo ng apartment ko. Minsan napanaginipan ko ang eksaktong nangyari sa araw na yon, siya na tinulak ako sa pader at mahigpit akong hinahawakan para hindi ako makawala. And the ugliest part of those nightmares are those words he throw to me. Its whispering in my ear over and over again, all of them, words by words, letter by letter.

I can't even sleep anymore alone in our apartment. I feel relieved when Sheena comes home early, but she is still often at Rupert's house. I thought my weekends would be okay because I would be at my parents' house, but they're not. Dad is in the province with Tita Michelle. My mom was also busy because of her business trips with Tit Frank even though It's weekend. Gusto pa nga ako papuntahin sa bahay ng pinsan ko dahil nandoon binibilin ang kapatid ko.

That why today, I decided to stay in Jackson's condo unit. Hindi pa sila nakakauwi at wala pa rin akong naririnig na update mula sa kaniya dahil kusa kong hindi pinapansin ang phone at itinago sa side table ko sa apartment.

Matagal ng inayos ni Jackson ang isa sa mga guest room niya rito para sa akin. Hindi naman ako natutulog dito pero may iilan akong mga gamit na iniwan kung sakaling magka emergency, katulad ng mga damit at importanteng gamit, at lahat 'yon utos ni Jackson.

And today is the first time I will sleep in here. Alone. Again.

I was already asleep for almost one hour but the sudden jumpiness of nervousness woke me up. Umupo ako sa lapag, gilid ng isang side table at sumandal sa dingding at pumikit ng mariin.

"Damn it." I grip my hair and rest my forehead on my toes. I should stop drinking coffee to prevent my palpitation.

It was full of silence—no crickets, no noise from outside. My bedroom was nice, and Jackson arranged it all himself. There is a bed; the bed sheet, pillowcase and blanket were matching black and gray colors. A study table in the corner and a cabinet. My walls have a calm gray paint and in the ceiling I can see different glow-in-the night shapes. The place can only fit one or two people.

It was beautiful and Jackson made this by himself, but still, I can't sleep.

Pero sa kalagitnaan ng katahimikan may naririnig akong mga galaw sa labas at tatayo na sana ako para makalabas ng biglang bumukas ang pintuan at si Jackson ang bumungad doon. Hawak ang isang itim na body bag, binagsak niya ito sa lapag at diretsong naglakad papunta sa puwesto ko pero may sariling kaluluwa ata ang katawan ko at napaatras ako sa ginawa niya.

Jackson's face filled with alarm when he noticed my actions. He stopped walking and muttered a few cursing words.

"Fucking bastard."

For the first time in two or more weeks, when his voice reached my ears, my tears fell off.

Because of what? Too much missing him? Too much of what's happening these past few weeks without him? Or the flashbacks of Sherman's words toward him? Is he only using me? That he didn't love me? And one day he will leave just like what he did to others? Alam ba niya ang nangyari kaya siya ganiyang ngayon? There is no sweetness or loving emotions in his expression. It's full of rage and pissed at something, or someone. Mabilis niyang naglakad papunta sa akin at hinila ako para mayakap ng mahigpit, ng sobrang higpit na pati ako napapikit sa init at pamilyar na sensasyon sa buo kong katawan.