Venting (cause why not)

I'm really trying...okay?

Ughhh

I know that my weight isn't where it's suppose to be. I know that I'm overweight and need to do smth abt it. 

But the truth is, I've been wanting to get a good body image since elementary school

I use to get bullied for being fat and ugly (I mean they're not wrong) but it rlly did have a really negative impact on my life. I started exercising for over an hour, forcing myself into eating healthy, which meant I never ate any sweets. I did this 14 times in the span of 5 years, and I keep failing every single time. Each time, I get closer and closer, but always find a way to end up in that dark pit of eating too much again.

I don't even know WHY I eat too much. There was a time where I only ate like one meal for an entire week, and it took my mom AN ENTIRE WEEK to notice that I wasn't eating well. Like wtf?

And she's the same person who would always tell me that I needed to lose weight to stay fit, like as if I haven't been trying.

She's been nagging me especially during middle school, where I was at my worst. I use to eat a bag of chips, two cookies, along with my regular lunch everyday, which made me always the last to finish at my table (which wasn't even fun bc they were all the popular girls and i didn't have any friends....at all) As the years went by in mid school, I got a lil better, but sometimes still had the tendency to eat more than im suppose to. It's not that I'm hungry all the time, but I get this sudden urge to eat everything in my sight once my parents aren't looking. Even now once in a while I struggle with that. It sucks.

I don't really have the motivation that I once to as a kid. And I wasn't doing this "losing weight" thing for me...no. I was doing it so my parents would get out of my fucking back abt this shit, especially when they need to themselves.