Venting (cause why not)

Family Issues

I never knew how detached and (kinda) toxic my family was until I looked at some old photos when I was a kid. 

For starters, I was the kind of kid who'd say "I love you" to everyone that I'd love dearly and always tried to keep them close, yet they barely even tried for me. I remember being yelled at for the slightest things and crying in my room, getting whooped if my voice was too loud, or hate a particular subject bc everytime I ask for help, it always ends up with me crying. 

I don't have many memories from my childhood..I only have a few from playing with a couple of old friends. None of them are from my parents at all.

Even now, things are kinda strained. I only see my dad mostly on weekends, and even if he was here he was either working or...idk

Same with my mom. When I come home, she's working on the computer, or talking to her friends on the phone. She'd say "hi, how was school?" and all that, then we'd go on our way. Then later on she'd remind me to exercise (she knew I was overweight but just barely over the usual weight for my age). I've been bullied and teased bc I was lil too chubby as a kid. After the bullying stopped, my mom probably took a notice cuz she'd start to nag me abt my weight and how it needs to decrease. I use to take it rlly seriously, to a point where I almost fainted bc I'd try to exercise before eating BREAKFAST at 8am in the morning. I'd research abt losing weight at the grand age of 9, and made over 14 attempts to lose it, each attempt getting closer and closer, but in the end, i'd always find a way to turn back. My recent attempt was in august, when I only ate 1 meal a day for almost a week before mom noticed (like shouldn't it take like 2 days to notice max?) I lost almost 10 lbs, but the headaches and extra fatigue was rlly killing me. No I have absolutely no motivation to lose it. I want to, but don't have that like boost that I use to. I used it all.

Whenever I'm with them, mom and dad are working, and my sister is either sleeping or hogging the tv, so i usually spent time in my room, but if i stayed in my room for too long, id be force to come down and spend some "family time" even though there was barely any

Like we haven't ate at the same table for a long time. Also, if they're going to do nth, then what's the point of even trying?

So in short, my mom criticizes my weight, my sister makes stupid remarks abt my weight, and my dad would complain abt mostly my grades/fashion sense (like cmon I ain't impressing anyone)

I didn't know I was dealing with a lot ngl :(