After getting shut down by my parents (AGAIN) I went upstairs without wishing them goodnight and opened my laptop...not to binge watch anime and all that before bed but to CHECK MY NOTIFICATIONS (cuz i luv it when i get notifications for some reason it makes me feel wanted :P) and realized that they paused the internet for me.
I have NEVER cried so hard but so silently as my mind rushed into overthinking shit that'll NEVER happen
What did I do?
Did I spend all that time with them for nothing? Should I spend more of my time with them?
What tf is wrong with me?
Then my mind imagined scenarios where my worst fears came true: the fear of being abandoned and rejected and judged by society
I cried for like, what, 20 minutes..before falling silent..before crying after I started laughing very hard but silent, and then I fell back into crying. All that time that i wasted trying to get my old family back and feel happy again all fell down the drain. Back then i had stopped my 2-week sh streak before christmas..and relapsed not bc i was numb, but bc i needed smth to release my anger at...
Now I currently feel like I should just disappear, stop texting everyone, and break their hearts, just so they can experience how I felt when I realized that the efforts that I put for others is never enough...
Yeah I'm wayyyy too broken and mentally unstable I'm surprised I even have a bf...I keep wondering if he will actually love me still when he sees my ugly ass face
okay now im just rambling, so ill make another vent post right after this one-
YOU ARE READING
Venting (cause why not)
DiversosWelcome to my venting book! U don't have to read, it's actually pretty pointless if u do, it's just me talking abt my issues, what im struggling with, etc etc. Also I can't promise u that I'm not going to delete the book Enjoy!
