Venting (cause why not)

A quote (2)

'God gives the strongest soldiers the strongest battles' 

well take it away i cant deal with this shit

this loneliness

this annoying side of me

i keep losing everyone

the friends that i thought would last in august..we dont talk as much anymore

i feel the spark fading

the friends that i had in 2022-2023...

all gone

bc of these 'battles'

i actually feel myself falling back to numbness and just anger

i dont feel nothing but anger and numbness

all this humor that i have

is a fucking mask

its thick too

bc its been building up for YEARS

you can never know..

and you wont..

but now you do..

*sighs* whats said had to be said

but srsly

i have had these 'battles' since i was a kid

i was bullied

teased

excluded

judged

all of that

and my parents?

they helped me build up my insecurities

made me feel invalide and unheard

and im just a show off basically

which now these battles have all these consequences

i have issues

mostly anger 

also i get anxious and worry alot

over the tiniest of shit

also i have alot of triggers

if anyone says something that sounds slightly like a trigger i will get triggered

its that bad

so pls..

i cant..do this anymore..

its been six, almost 7 months since ive felt like this

help is for the weak

i was taught that since i was a kid

since i was a kid i learnt that asking for help always had consequences

so now i despise asking for help

i like doing shit on my own

its easier for me 

and ik no one at school likes me

ik people are jealous of my smart ass

but this smart ass is slowly failing

and my grades are starting to reflect that

..im tired..take these battles away PLEASE

i want to be like everyone else...