Enchanted (Bbangsaz)

47

Hanni's phone buzzed, but her heart didn't even skip a beat anymore. She checked it anyway, hoping for a miracle, but there was nothing. No text. No reply.

I knew it.

She threw the phone back on the bed and buried her face in her hands. The jetlag was kicking her ass, but that wasn't the real problem. The real problem was the weight in her chest that wouldn't go away—the fight with Minji.

She pulled the covers up over her head, trying to block out the noise in her mind. This is all my fault, she thought, squeezing her eyes shut. I fucked up so bad.

What if she's done with me?

Her heart squeezed in a way she hadn't felt before, and she couldn't even blame it on the jetlag. The silence from Minji felt louder than anything. They hadn't talked all day. She hadn't heard anything from her since that text last night, the one where she poured her heart out. But it was like that text didn't even matter.

Of course it doesn't matter. She doesn't need me. She deserves someone who won't screw up like I did.

Hanni stared at the ceiling, the tears threatening to come again. Why can't I just fix this?

She had to stop. She couldn't keep thinking about it like this. There was a concert to prepare for. People were waiting for her. But the thought of getting out of bed felt like trying to run a marathon with weights tied to her legs.

Get up, Hanni. You have to get up.

She grabbed her phone again, mindlessly scrolling through social media. Her timeline was full of photos from other idols' concerts, cheerful selfies, behind-the-scenes pics. She was happy for them... but it made her feel like she was suffocating. She had to pretend like everything was fine, like she didn't just break her own heart—and Minji's.

The ache in her chest wouldn't go away, and as much as she tried to keep it together, it felt like she was crumbling from the inside.

I can't even focus on anything right now. What am I supposed to do? She blinked at her phone screen again. Maybe it'll be easier when I'm on stage, when I'm in front of everyone. Maybe I'll just fake it. Smile. Act like everything's fine. Fake it 'till you make it.

But even that felt like a lie. The more she tried to push her feelings down, the worse it felt.

She checked her phone again. Nothing. No new messages. Nothing from Minji.

She's probably done. No, she definitely is.

Her mind was spiraling. She didn't deserve anything from Minji anymore. She didn't deserve to hear her voice, or for her to even look at her. Hanni was an idiot. She had screwed up everything—everything with the person she loved the most.

She probably hates me. And I deserve it.

The words kept repeating in her head like some kind of sick mantra. She couldn't escape them, couldn't make them stop.

After a few more minutes of lying there, she dragged herself out of bed. She didn't have the energy to even get dressed. She just threw on some comfy clothes, grabbed her stuff, and made her way out the door. *There's no escaping this, though. No matter how far I go, this is still gonna be here. Inside me.*

As the car took her to the concert venue, she tried to pull herself together, tried to force a smile whenever anyone spoke to her. But it wasn't real. She was pretending. Everyone else was going on about their day, and all she could think about was the silence between her and Minji.

Did I lose her?

The thought kept hitting her harder with every passing minute. She was supposed to be focused on the concert, but the only thing that was real to her right now was the emptiness in her chest. She could stand in front of a thousand fans and sing, but it wouldn't matter. They wouldn't fix this hole in her heart.