Waiting For You/ Chanlix

twenty three

-not proofread-

Felix's brain had been in overdrive ever since Chan had asked him that question, the words replayed in his brain over and over again.

When he was at work it felt like he was working from instinct rather than thinking about what he was doing

The worst part about it was that he hadn't seen Chan since he asked that question.

Yes, it had only been two days but those two days felt like eternities to Felix. He was scared of seeming too clingy by texting him, especially nervous that he would mess something up when this was all he's wanted for the past months.

"Lix, can you please take that order?" Lily asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah sorry," he mumbled and a huge smile, impossible to hide grew on his face once he looked up and saw Chan. "Hi."

"Hey, can I please have my regular order?"

"Mhm, anything else?"

"Do you think it's possible for you to tell me when my boyfriend gets off of work?"

Hearing that word somehow made Felix's smile grow even larger.

"Can't share private information about employees."

"I guess I'll just sit down until he gets off."

Felix looked down at the time, "15 minutes."

"Would you perhaps be available to go on a date in 15 minutes?"

"Yes," Felix replied.

~~~~~~~~

"Where are we going?" Felix asked Chan once he had gotten off or work and approached the small table the older was sitting at.

"Do you want to go get lunch? It's nice outside, we can go eat at the beach or something."

"Okay, sounds good," Felix nodded in agreement as they both stood up, Felix offered Chan his hand to hold.

"Sorry for not talking to you for a couple of days."

"It's okay."

"It not, I can't ask you to be my boyfriend then neglect you. My friends have been trying to plan my next trip to Korea...you know, to make it not as sad so we've been trying to plan that."

"Soon?" Felix questioned with a small pout on in face. He didn't even realize that he was showing how he felt about it but Chan definitely did.

"Why? Wanna come?"

"Wouldn't that be weird? I don't even speak much Korean."

"A few of my friends speak English pretty fluently, If be with you anyways...And you would definitely make it not as sad. I would be able to show you around which would distract me. Besides, my friends should meet my new boyfriend, right?"

A smile spread across Felix's face, "If you want me to, I will."

"I should make a list of all the places I want to show you."

The two grabbed food from a sandwich place and sat down on the beach. Felix caught Chan up on all of the barista drama and when things fell silent he reached for Chan's backpack and pulled out the small journal.

"Felix, we don't have to do that right now."

"It's okay, I want to know more about him and you like hearing his journals."

"But I know the timeline, the next one is going to be about his birthday."

"Are you saying that because you don't want to hear it or because you don't want me to have to read it."

"I don't want you to have to read it."

"I'm fine," Felix reassured, squeezing Chan's hand before reading the page.

Hey, It's Minho.
It's finally the day that i've been looking forward to for my entire life up until a few months ago. Remember how we always planned it Channie? You're supposed to be here with me, I'm supposed to feel the nervous kind of excited because deep down I've always known that it would be you. I want to be able to feel happy that it's you. I want to be able to admire my tattoo the same way that I've always admired yours but it feels like torture. I tried to scrub it off, my skin is raw and red surrounding the black lines of the hourglass. Of course it didn't work but know that if I could have made you love someone else, I would have. I would rather suffer from one sided love than know you love me when I can't be there for you. I'm gonna hide it from you, maybe you'll think that it's not the same if I do, maybe you'll fall in love with someone else who loves you just as much as I do and who can always be by your side like I wish I could be. Even though I probably won't be around for much longer know that I love you enough to last a lifetime and I hope you feel that when I'm gone.

Felix finished reading the page and looked up to keep tears from falling down his face.

It didn't help when he heard a small single come from the boy next to him.

"Told you it was going to get worse," Chan said with a sigh.

"Does seeing the tattoos ever make you feel sad?" Felix asked quietly, moving Chan's head onto his shoulder as he traced the lines on Chan's tattoo which he had finally stopped covering.

"No, the tattoo is a reminder of all the times I've felt happy, with Minho and now with you too."

"I really wish I could have met him."

"Me too...he used to do that a lot before he got sick," Chan said with a dry laugh, referring to Felix tracing his tattoo.

"Oh- sorry, I'll stop."

"No, I didn't mean it in a bad way. What were you doing when your tattoo appeared?"

"Sleeping," Felix responded, finally getting a real laugh out of Chan.

"How were you asleep? You didn't stay up to see what it was?"

"No, most people that I know already had a soulmate...I kinda thought that maybe it would be Lily but I like men so obviously it wasn't. I payed more attention to people's tattoos after I got mine but I didn't really think it was a big deal."

"Well, it seems like you knew without having to see my tattoo."

"Maybe, or maybe I just thought you were cute."

"It's okay, I thought you were cute too."