Waiting For You/ Chanlix

twenty six

Hey it's Minho,

I feel horrible. I woke up coughing blood and I don't think anything has ever scared me so badly. I know that I'm sick, obviously I've felt a difference but this, seeing that I'm sick made me realize that I don't have that much time left. There's a surgery, I want your opinion on it but i don't know how to ask without telling you that i'm sick. It could either give me a lifetime with you, or take away the time I have left with you. Maybe it is time to tell you, I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to hide it. So much to think about and now i'm really running out of time. I love you Chan.

Felix closed the journal with a sigh as he handed it back to Chan who was sitting next to him in the airport.

The week passed a lot quicker than they thought it would and now they were waiting to board the plane to Korea.

"You know what he said before we danced in the rain?" Chan asked Felix who shook his head. "He was worried about me getting sick."

"You didn't know that he was sick, you have no way of knowing that that's what made it worse."

"There's a pretty good chance."

"Even if it did, it sounded like it was worth it. All of the journals before that were sad and it sounded like he finally got to do something that made him happy."

"I just- maybe we could have had a little bit more time."

"And Minho would have never gotten one more normal day."

Before Chan could say another word about it, they were called to board the plane.

Felix was upset that this was the mood they were going on the plane with for the next 13 hours. He wanted Chan to be happy, he was excited but he couldn't fully be when Chan seemed so sad.

He was sure that Chan was like this last time he went to Korea. I'd be hard not to think about Minho when that was the one person he spent most of his time with there.

At least Felix was there this time rather than him dealing with it on his own.

Once they found their seats, Felix gave Chan a quick kiss, hoping that his boyfriend would be able to feel a little bit of his excitement and cheer up a little.

He felt regret from the kiss which made him frown but he understood why Chan would feel that way about what had happened only a year ago.

"Sorry," Chan said, knowing that Felix could tell how he was feeling.

"It's okay, I didn't do it to see how you were feeling."

"I'm excited too, it's just-"

"You don't have to explain anything," Felix reassured, leaning his head on his shoulder.