cake oneshots || book one

I Could Start Fires With What I Feel For You (E)

Credit: fannyann

I've been putting off posting this for awhile now because it's so long and I'm lazy af and I didn't want to edit it (which I've decided I'm not going to because that's gonna take me like forever so soz lol) but here it is

this one has 19,550 words so it's extremely long, but it's worth it I promise

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Luke's looking out at the sea, tide coming up and brushing over his toes in the sand, thinking about how this is nothing like he expected it to be. He'd thought it'd be easier -- thought him and Calum could get back to where they had been over Christmas before he'd gone back to school -- get back to how things had always been, easy and fun and just the two of them laughing together -- them against the world.

He and Calum haven't spoken more than disjointed sentences to each other since they started this whole thing nearly a week ago. The conversation is slow and awkward and Luke doesn't think they'll ever get back to where they were before Calum had sent him that text at two in the morning three months ago. The one that they never spoke of again, but still changed everything between the two of them. The words 'I want to kiss you' playing at the back of Luke's mind no matter how much he tried to shut them down, remembering Michael's pleading voicemail he'd gotten the next morning saying: Please, if you value anything between you and Cal, do not look at your texts from last night. Please, Luke.

He hadn't listened to the message soon enough, though. He'd been tired and groggy and the first thing he did was wake up and thumb open the message from Calum. The words made his stomach swoop and his hands clam up. It's been all he wanted to hear for so long, but then he'd gone to school and made new friends and Calum had stayed back home and he didn't know anymore. He wishes Calum would have said something before, wishes he would have said something years ago when he'd first gone off to school, wishes he wouldn't have waited until he was drunk and lonely on a night out with Michael to tell him. Luke wishes he could look at Calum now and think about his best friend, not have to worry about what the truth behind those words were and how much he meant them -- still not sure if they were said with sincerity.

He wishes he had the courage to ask Calum about it. Wishes he could look him in the eyes and say, "I'd like that, too," instead of bottling it up and tiptoeing around his best friend in the world, texting Michael after Calum's fallen asleep in the hotel: I just don't know Mikey. It's not the same anymore.

But then he feels a warmth against his shoulder, Calum's chin resting on him for what feels like the first time in forever -- familiar and soft like it's always supposed to be and Luke tenses up just the slightest bit at the touch.

"Luke," Calum says over Luke's shoulder, hands coming up and squeezing slightly at his waist.

The gesture makes Luke shiver. It's the first bit of contact that Calum's given him in so long and it feels important, like Calum's saying he's trying and Luke breathes out, "Yeah, Cal?"

Calum doesn't say anything for a long time. He just stands there with his hands at Luke's waist, chin hooked over Luke's shoulder, breathing in time with Luke as the tide rises around them.

Luke is about to pull away, tell Calum they should get back to the hotel. He wants to make an excuse about his feet being cold in the water, anything to get away from the deafening silence that's creeping in around the two of them, but then Calum squeezes his waist, pressing in closer against Luke's back and says, "Nothing. I just wanted to be sure," and Luke can't move from his spot.

"Be sure of what?"

"This. Us. That we could still be us," Calum says softly, like he's telling a secret and Luke lets himself ease up, tension flooding out of his body, thinking, maybe we can get past this.