Those Things...

100% True

The picture is something I relate to.

Him.
His smile.
His eyes.
His voice.
His laugh.
His warmth.
His existence.
Him.

I loved him to the point of actually telling him, hugging him every chance I got, memorizing his arms around me, the way he felt, his laugh, his smile when he laughed, what he loved, his favorite hoodie, when he was hospitalized-how I felt, just him.

And now, he left me. He has done everything but unfriend me. He won't message back. He just forgot me. Which was easy for him to do.

Ya know, when I told him I liked him, he promised he wouldn't tell anyone. "I'm not a jerk like that."

His. Exact. Words.

He has became a jerk. At least I know he's alive-he liked a post my friend tagged me in. I wanted to laugh.

Last time I told someone I liked them, I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. When I told him, I actually did laugh and cry.

I cried at graduation.

I cried 3 weeks after, trying to go to sleep.

I'm done crying.

Guys are jerks.

They just can't help it.

And I'm sorry. I haven't given enough people the opportunity to show if its true that all guys are jerks. So far, the ones I've fallen for have been.

"I'm not a jerk like that." Stopped messaging me back when it actually helped me get over him.

"You know I'll never date you, right?" I got over him real quick. He asked me out later that year, when his girlfriend dumped him. Desperate asshole.

"You're nice and all, I just don't want to date anyone right now." 12 years old, I admit, and he told my cousin after I left him standing there that he would date me until camp ended, because we wouldn't be able to talk. He was nice to me. But didn't really bother to talk to me any after that.

Every guy I've said that I've liked have turned out to be pricks. Isn't there one-at least one?-that can make me feel like a real human being? Because I feel myself slipping farther and farther into the hole of insanity everyday. And that, my friend, isn't somewhere you want to go. It's somewhere where Dr. Seuss's crazy rhymes get inside your head and twist and deform into bloody sayings, designed for only those whose mind is strong enough.

I'm not going to last long, my friend. My mind has been broken many times. It is only being held together by my optimistic thoughts, which are slowly fading.

Then what will remain of poor Lorina? What will remain of me? Will my friends try to help me? My cousin? My family?

I feel so alone in this huge would. I feel myself slipping as I type this. My stomach dropping. My chest pounding along with my heart. My hands trembling, causing me to have to go back and fix any mistakes autocorrect doesn't take care of.

My body is tense.

I need to sleep.

Have a nice life, dear readers. I shall be fine here in my home. I'm sure my mind will make it. I just need to imagine that T-Rex trying to play a flute.

Wow, emotional then a T-Rex playing flute. Flipping outrageous. I just see him everywhere, yet no where, ya'know? Like, on every social media site, yet not in real life. I wish I could fly. I wish I could go to him and tell him how much pain he's put me through. I'm not alone...am I?