Some days I just wake up in my head
Thinking hard and stuck in my bed
Reminiscing on family and friends that's dead
They had so much potential, God kept me instead
Feeling helpless out of control of what's ahead
Reacting to messages & just leaving them on read
No appetite, my demons the only ones getting fed
Still wouldn't label it as depression
My future's just my biggest obsession
Self reflection turned into a pity session
Been graduated school, still learning lessons
Out of energy to be resilient, closed concession
Still being the backbone for the ones I love
Giving that push I needed away from the hole I dug
Beaming butterfly on the outside, insides a slug
Spilled my bottled supply of darkness
Wondering what if I was born heartless
Would I be further in life?
If I offered the pain and strife?
Reap what you sow but the good ones catch the knife.
Overthinking my past reckless decisions
Things that left scars on my life like incisions
Constantly allowing emotions to cloud my visions
Still making that mistake like my logic in oblivion
Feeling like I'm so lonely
Labeling everyone as phony
Sadness had another ceremony
Every attempt to change, I just clone me
On repeat, the same day after day
Breathing, but life just passing me away
I try so hard to make optimism stay
Then it gets lost like a needle in the hay
Still trying to keep my true moods from my child
But she getting older, she'll notice after a while
Notice it's getting harder and harder to force a smile
Notice how I'm the one stayed in the game and still got fouled
I watch everyday as she get taller and taller
Two sides of her family and only one call her
Do I blame myself?
Another decision on my mental health
Was I the one that was selfish?
Believing love could make a man selfless?
Those the ones who sleep peacefully while you're on another death wish.
Still I'm constantly sinking and crossing names off my help list.
But every one else lives just continue to move forward
My past was dark, still where I'm gravitating toward
The advice basically sounds like just get over it
learned to stop seeking it and take the sober trip
Trip to my favorite agonizing destination
Tourists that'll leave me intrigued to actions leading to ventilation
Just another one of them days again on mental vacation
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PoetryA book of short poems resonating with real life events, emotions and thoughts. Enjoy
