Soukoku in hogwarts

Paloma

———————-

Extra Notes:

Dumbledore has DID, obviously not a 100% accurate representation, I dont mean to offend anyone who has DID. I just needed a reason for dumbledore to have... two *very* different personalities as a 85 year old man

Also hello greasy casidilla. I know where you live. 🧑‍🦲

Pls gimme inspire

———————-

After Dazai had returned the his common room a the ripe hour of 1 am, not accompanied by his partner for Chuuya valued sleep and hygiene more than the brunet he sat down an his mattress and stayed there, staring at the ceiling like it owned him money as he contemplated. 

The texture of the mattress fell familiar; cotton- a very common material all over the world. Dazai didnt expect wizards to be using dragon skin or unicorn fur to knit their blankets but he did expect something a little bit more lavish. Cotton brought him back to the texture of his blanket from the Port mafia. The blanket never held warmth. Instead it held Dazai and his thirteen year old body juices.

Ew..

But that had him thinking already— after a few months of being in hogwarts what useful information did he collect? He learned magic, sure but what else? He groaned at the idea of having to take orders from his boss, but, it was his job and he feared if he didnt learn enough in one year he'd be forced to the cruel treatment of not knowing the wifi password for another nine months.

He pathetically flopped over on his belly and let an other displeased grunt as his mattress creaked loudly under his weight 'calling me fat are we?' He aggressively thought towards the mattress, as if it could read minds—

That actually wouldn't be entirely impossible when taking into consideration that a mind reading hat exists-

His arm rattled around looking for a pen and parchment, eventually grabbing a four colored pen he brought from Yokohama and a one sided document about trolls with a picture of a vagiana doodled on the side. He shrugged. Good enough.

He started writing the letter. Paused after one line and decided he'd use British vocabulary to mess with him.

Bad morning you platypus with an extremely petite Willy (most unattractive). I am here to inform you that I and the ginger have learnt nothing selon our journey at Hogwarts —except for how to turn people horny with the right potions! Give us orders before we bail out of this educational abomination for coat wearing twats. (No, we will not rejoin the P.M)

P.s: Dumbledore and other staff members know we have abilities. They're on our ass. 

P.s.s You're ugly and old. (And never getting laid (unlike me lolllll))

-Dazai

It was, respectfully a work of art. 

Opening the window, he found a pigeon.

And snatched it from the sky before tying the letter to its leg and praying to god pigeons know how to navigate.

Maybe they have a built in GPS?

'Please bring the paper to Mori in Yokahoma' he explained to the pigeon 'He's really old and ugly and you might find him snogging a twelve year old in the wild'

The pigeon did not have a built in GPS. Nor did he understand English.

————————-

As dumbledore was writing out documents in his office, a candle illuminating his messy, curvy cursive lettres he heard something bang against his window.

A pigeon holding a crumpled up piece of paper with what could either be semen or bubble gum attached to it.(It was very hard to tell the difference in the wind at 1 in the morning)

He carefully unfolded the paper, scared to rip it or touch the unknown substance.

Instantly recognizing Dazais handwriting, his eyes narrowed. This letter was not assigned to him.

Bad morning you platypus with an extremely petite Willy (most unattractive).

'That's rude' Dumbledore thought. He continued reading anyways.

I am here to inform you that I and the ginger have learnt nothing selon our journey at Hogwarts —except for how to turn people horny with the right potions! 

'I wasn't aware that Severus taught that course'

Give us orders before we bail out of this educational abomination for coat wearing twats.

'Most unprofessional from you, Dazai.'

No, we will not rejoin the P.M

Finally. Interesting information. P.M. It stands in most cases for Port mafia (And not Porn Market or Perry the Mlatypus)

So this was the person Dazai and Chuuya worked for. The person who left a bitter taste in their mouths. Everything somehow clicked.

This man, possibly the head of the Mafia, sent Chuuya and Dazai to Hogwarts, but why? Laws existed for a reason, there was no getting out of Askaban if one of the members did break a law regarding magic. Assuming i this case they were a group.

Dumbledore decided to consult the group himself. He finished the reading letter, before he neatly folded in into a wad. He noticed the female sex organ drawing and pointedly closed his eyes, determined to forget what he saw as he gave the paper to his own owl, letting the pigeon loose.

He placed a piece of parchment in front of himself and started scribbling away.

Good day, sir or miss. This is Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts. If I'm not mistaken, your son, Osamu Dazai, and his friend, Chuuya Nakahara, attend this school. I have learned that both are "ability users" at Hogwarts. For the sake of the school, I ask that you inform the staff why they are here, as they aren't wizards by birth. Muggles (those who don't practice wizarding magic) are rarely aware of the wizarding world. I read Osamu's letter, thinking it was for me, and I understand that you are part of the P.M. (Port Mafia?).What business do you have with the wizarding world? Are you in contact with other ability users?Lastly, could we possibly be acquaintances? It could be useful for future reference regarding the Dark Lord. I could pay.

He dotted his final period and tied the paper to the owls leg.

—————————

In few weeks time the Yule ball would take place. Now, when you attend a ball you try your best to not arrive wearing sweat pants and a band t-shirt from the 6th grade. Dazai and Chuuya learned this the hard way when Hermione started chatting non-stop about dress shopping in hogsmede.

—————————

Extra notes: 

Gimme inspo also, to not miss any updates please follow, If you decide you hate me later or finish the book you can unfollow me anytime. (I update slow and dont wanna lose any readers. I need validation Im sorry </3)

-Sophie

————————