Dec 1st.
As Minerva had guessed, she totally regretted putting Dazai next to Chuuya.
The amount of unholy sex jokes was simply unethical; she's surprised that neither of them had gotten aids just from the teasing, but what she's even more surprised about is the fact that none of the other Gryffindores or Slytherins have caught on, how stupid were these kids?
She stood up and silence fell soon the class. "So I'm sure that you are all aware of the Yule ball coming up"
The class disagreed in union, Minerva sighed, of course none of these idiots ever read the notice boards. Hermiones' hand shot up from the back of the class "Its been on the weekly bulletin board for two weeks" she stated. Minerva thanked Merlin that at least one of her students had a semi-functioning brain.
"Correct" she said "as stated on the bulletin the ball will be held on Christmas day"
Excited chatter filled the room, but it died down when Minerva started throwing glares at students and pursing her lips "Everyone is to dress formally and the Champions will preform a dance with their chosen partner" Some kids booed, others were giggling and twirling their hair. Minerva rolled her eyes.
Dazai nudged Chuuya with his elbow and whispered something in his ear. Chuuya rolled his eyes and pushed him away.
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Chuuya was laid down beside Dazai who was drawing dicks on the pages of library books with sharpie while kicking his feet in the air. The wooden clock by the entrance read 1:30. They were skipping class to discuss important mafia business... and on how they're gonna smuggle alcohol and cocaine into the Yale ball. He sighed.
"Back to business." Chuuya said, Dazai looked up from his dick doodles "we both know that those assholes are gonna use the truth serum on me, so... how are we going to avoid that?"
Dazai sighed. He no longer gave a shit about getting caught.
"...I dunno... We could blackmail Snape..?" Dazai suggested, his hand reaching for the powder next the Chuuya, who swatted Dazais hand away and mumbled something that sounded vaguely like 'you little shit' and like 'I love a lil' shit' at the same time. Dazai pouted.
"Im more concerned on how we're gonna be able to spike the drinks, there is totally not enough star dust to drug everyone who'll buy" Dazai said "We should probably force the house elves to give us more,,, if they have any"
Chuuya sighed "Yeah. Hermione wouldn't appreciate it though. She has a thing for house elf rights"
"lol, imagine being a house elf enthusiast"
"Imagine saying 'lol' out loud"
".... It's an aesthetic"
There was a pause. "I cant wait to see Snape drunk"
Chuuya giggled and leaned against Dazai.
"You wanna go to the ball with me?" Dazai asked. He didnt have to, they both knew the answer. Chuuya tried not to smile and pulled his hat down to conceal his blushing face. They were only gonna be soft this once, Dazai told himself.
He was lying.
"Yeah, you bastard" He said, beaming. Dazai couldn't help but smile too. He was going against all his principals, where the fuck did his emotionally constipated self go?
Maybe it died, idk.
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"Dazai, this is your worst idea yet" Chuuya said as a branch cracked under his foot. When they failed to convince the ghost of the Gryffindor house —headless nick— to tell them where the house elves were Dazais first idea was to head out to the forbidden forest to find and experiment with wild and highly suspicious mushrooms.
If he died doing this Chuuya would kill him.
"No, my worst idea yet was piercing my own ears at twelve, this is child play"
"...That's really gay"
"Yeah." Dazai said as he started picking at the shrooms on the forest floor and adding them to his bag. "Our classmates probably think we're dead" Chuuya said "Also, if were caught Im blaming everything on you"
Dazai looked offended "You wouldn't" He paused, and thought for a moment "Actually yeah you totally would" Chuuya chuckled and Dazai crouched down to poke at the herbs with a twig. He frowned looking disappointedly at the shroom in front of him like it trash mouthed his family line. (If his family line wasn't the definition of shitty).
"These ones is edible and non-nicotine based, we need to go deeper in the forest" He said, Chuuya rolled his eyes. And swung his coat over his shoulder.
—
They were supposed to be doing the right thing, —looking for drugs in the forest to sell during the ball— Instead, they were making out with Chuuyas hands entangled in Dazais hair and his back pressed against a tree. Remind Chuuya to say 'no homo' after.
The kiss felt real, not slow motion, not strangely sparkly, if felt legit and exiting. Dazai hummed against his lips. Chuuya felt the brunets slightly chapped lips against his, his bandaged hand against his cheek, his breath tickling at his nose. He smelt like tic-tacs.
Chuuya noticed Dazai beaming when he pulled away "Am I a good kisser?" he asked cheekily. Chuuya pushed his face away "No, you suck, now come back" He said pulling him in for another kiss. Dazai beamed.
————————— The teachers lounge
Dumbledore, Snape, and Minerva sat in the cluttered teachers lounge.
"So" Dumbledore said "Which two students do we think are kissing in a tree?" He squealed.
Dumbledore was a very different man behind closed doors.
"Im betting Harry and Dazai, typical: Fall in love with you friends hot rival" He paused "Acctually, Chuuya and Dazai seem pretty fruity,,, but then there is Hermione..."
Minerva chuckled. Dumbledore shot up "You know sum' dont ya". Minerva laughed.
Snape quietly sipped his tea "She does" Came his drawling voice.
"No way, spill the tea" Dumbledore coaxed. Minerva giggled again and shook her head. "Im having you two bet on it." She said. Dumbledore groaned.
"Im betting it's Chuuya and Hermione; They'd be cute you know?" Dumbledore said, Snape spat out his tea and snorted "You're bad at this" He said. Dumbledores jaw dropped, offended. "If you're so smart who do you reckon is hitting the forbidden drums?"
"Dazai and Chuuya"
Minerva laughed again. "Snape you just gained the easiest 500 gallons of your life" Dumbledore gasped, appalled.
"They're going on a date in Hogsmede" Minerva explained. Dumbledore shot up "Let's follow em'!"
"That's illegal"
"I get a free pass cause' Im sexy"
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... I know Dumbledore is really zesty in this, and we love that. It's also inspired by the Pottah Parodies (2021) if you're wondering.
I tried my best with the kiss. Be grateful.
Also I need my past readers to cum back
-Sophie
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Soukoku in hogwarts
General FictionMori sends two emotionally constipated gays to Hogwarts for the Mafias benefits. ||Slowburn, crack, comedy, soukoku, sex jokes, and plot that's only present 69% of the time :0|| Inspired by M&M, 2 broke girls, the hellaverse and of course black but...