Soukoku in hogwarts

Who put dish soap in the caprisun

—————————— Tis isn't corrected B)

They walk in, 10 minutes late, hair done, suits irones flat, (cheap) cologne on. Bad music is playing, maybe Kids Bop or Kesha but audio tuned, Ron is awkwardly dancing with a girl who looks like she'll need therapy after this.

Dazai comes in wearing his usual attire but with some white and silver jewelry (that he stole from the girls bathroom). His hair pinned up, matching Chuuya who was dressed in a maroon dressshirt and Dazais old pants from when he was a size 34 (Mystery solved by the way; Dazai is now a mens size 36). To make the outfit look fancier than it is he added gold jewelry found in the same girls bathroom.

Rumor has it the ghost 'moaning Mudell' helped them come up with an outfit. She also had them wear matching flowers in their suits, and then proceeded to cry after they left; jealous of their blooming 'love'.

It's funny because when they left they started fighting over who looked hotter.

Anyways, time to do some illegal shit.

———

Drinks have been spiked and there's a 99% chance two bros are fucking in the corner (according to Dazai, he is a chronic liar though so its actually a 50% chance)

"WHO THE FUCK PUT DISH SOAP IN MY CAPRISUN"

From the middle of the room you can see Dumbledore in a magical robe that changed color based on his emotions. Right now it was hot pink and he was trying to get one of the elves to get more illegal punch. "This -hic- shits good get us another round!"

Snape and Minerva were sipping fruity drinks from tall glasses with four lemon wedges and five mini umbrellas in them as they nodded and shook their heads, agreeing collectively that Dumbledore has long his marbles— Not like he had any to begin with—.

"I do think that someone has spiked the drinks. Normally substances are prohibited. With mainly Dumbledore in mind of course" Minerva said as she took a long sip of her raspberry mango cocktail.

Snape hummed, it was a low sound that came from his dehydrated throat "It's not like hogwarts has ever done anything to protect children's health. For gods sake quittich exists"

Minerva nodded. "True. Also the house Cup"

"And Hagrid"

"And professor sprout"

"And Harry"

"And the two dorks"

"Ah, how could I forget"

There was a pause "... Minerva..?" 

"... What seems to be the problem..?"

".. Is dumbledore..?"

"Oh.."

And thats how dumbledore ended up in a straitjacket during the Yule Ball. 

——————————-

Chuuya ever knew how romantic slow dancing high as fuck could be. The lights were blaring the four hogwarts house colors and smoke drifted around the room. Pink glitter was everywhere and Dazai was just so handsome. He liked the way he comes a piece of his hair back, he liked the the jewelry he had on and the ring on his left hand which gripped Chuuyas shoulder. It wasn't anything that they shouldn't be doing, Dazai smelled like a strawberry shortcake and grass. Who in their right mind would fuck a man with a dandelion attached to them and who smelled like strawberry shortcake and grass.

But still, it was so nice. He felt seen.

A giddy song came on and Dazai started bouncing happily. And said a stupid joke about how stiff Chuuya was acting, and if it was because of how handsome he was.

How did he know?

He laughed even if the joke really wasn't funny, and started bouncing side to side with him.

Chuuya decided that if a nuclear bomb would come crashing down on hogwarts, slaughtering thousands, then he would be okay. Because he was home, he was home, welcome and happy. And if a massive dinosaur came and took a bite out of hogwarts and he and Dazai died he would be delighted.

The song came to a stop and Dazai leaned down to bury his face in chuuya chest. "You smell like drugstore candy and happiness"

"I fucking love you"

"I love you too"

(Murdell is sobbing from the pipes)

———————————

"Minerva. Look. Two emotionally constipated teenagers hugging and giggling" Snape said, his neutral expression not faltering

Minerva smiled "Ahhh young love. How Im glad Im not 15 anymore. I hated hugging my boyfriend who didnt wear deodorant"

"theyre both wearing deodorant"

"A rare case indeed. I call dibs on telling Dumbledore by the way"

"Rude." Snape said.

"They're so cute. Like ducks"

"Im screaming internally"

"No one needs your sarcasm, Severus"

"I think Im funny"

"And I think you're the only one"

"Rude."

——————————-

"What if we played Truth or Dare?"

——————————-

SORRY FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER

Truth or dare idea dump here ——-> (Dont be shy pls i love u)

If you like the comedy in this Im sure you're also gonna like Dollar store (1985) [Its a soukoku story) - I know Im annoying about wanting ppl to read it but I just have sososo many ideas for it and I think its really cute and funny— also its actually planned and well written! (Kinda) 

I forgot to mention this a few chapters ago but actually this story has been up for over two years now and has 16 drafted chapters from years ago- I started this when I was a phetus (11) And now Im a slightly larger pheatus (13) the drafted chapters suck ass and I want to burn them but I wont because Im a softie. Im proud of the micro community I kinda built and Im happy you're still here.

This has got me feeling sentimental..

Also the fluff moment w Chuuya and Dazai was inspired by "there is a light that never goes out" It's my Littérature teachers favorite song. I love that teacher so much. Im not entirely religious but may God bless Mr Smith, his three kids and his wife.

-Sophie