DESOLATION

25

INEZ

I return to the room and sit on the bed. I understand what happened with Lorcan, and his mother was not fair, but I don't understand how he can compare me to what happened to them. I don't know why he even told me this. What did he want me to say after all this?

Was he expecting me to say he is right and that I should be grateful for what I have? But how could I be grateful for this? What made him think all that he did with me could be forgotten? What he does not understand is that the scars on the heart cannot be erased so easily.

I look around. I made a mistake by calling Lorcan, or did I do myself a favor? I don't know, but Lorcan is here to take me back, and this is the reality. My days of freedom are over now, and sadly, I am the one who ended it.

Lorcan has told me we will be leaving in the morning, so why am I wasting time? This has to happen, and he will not leave without taking me. I don't know why, but I am angry with myself. I should not be. I was dying here. If he had not come, then I would have been cold, starving, alone, dying in darkness with no one to talk to, and no one would have come for my help.

Angrily, I stand up and pick up my suitcase. I had not taken out much of my clothes because I knew if I wore them here, then it would make me feel like a queen or someone who does not fit, so I was mostly wearing clothes that I bought here.

I open the cabinet and look at my clothes, which I bought from the store in Garristown. I picked up a dress, and its soft and warm wool reminded me of the day when I had gone to the town to buy clothes. Holding these clothes in my hand reminds me of my hopes and the dreams of starting a life here. I had bought these because I wanted to start a life here.

These clothes remind me of my crushed dreams. How I had made so many plans about living here, doing a job, starting a peaceful life in which I had freedom, and now those plans are nothing but dust. Taking a deep breath, I push all the painful memories to the back of my mind. I should accept that I am going back, and sadly, my days here are over.

Now I will be going to my life in Lorcan's mansion, where no one will treat me like a common person, where I am Lorcan's wife, and that's it. I am nothing else after this.

I pick up the clothes and fold them neatly. Just as I was about to put them in with the other clothes, Lorcan's voice made me stop, "If you think that I would let you take these with you, then sadly, my love, you are mistaken."

I turn and look at Lorcan with confusion. "These are my clothes, Lorcan. Why would I leave them here when I have no plans of returning ever again?"

I will never come here ever again in my life. This town is filled with painful memories that I never want to remember. So, there is no point in leaving my things here.

At my reply, Lorcan comes towards me and looks at my clothes with disdain. "Your clothes? The clothes that make you look like nothing more than a peasant. We are not taking these back."

Before I could argue on this, he added, "Besides this, I don't want any memory of this town in our home."

I was about to give him a piece of my mind when suddenly his phone started ringing. He took his phone out, and when he checked the caller's ID, I saw a shift in his expression. He picked up the call and, while talking, left the room.

I look at the clothes in my hand. This is not up for discussion now. He has made it clear he does not want me to take anything that I have bought from here back to the mansion. I know nothing will change his mind because I know the reason. He hates this town so much that he does not want to remember it.

I put the clothes back in the cabinet and zip up my suitcase. After putting it beside the door, I sit on the bed and clutch my head, which has started to hurt now. I cannot stop my mind from thinking about what is going to happen now. I am going back, but Lorcan must have thought of something to cage me more in his world.