Fourtris Now and Forever: Divergent No War

| c h a p t e r 46 |

After explaining it as vaguely as I could, Tobias asks me, "So what do you mean by that? Why did it upset you?"

"I mean . . ." I sigh in frustration, searching for the right words. "I guess I just got inside my head too much. At first I was just embarrassed because-" I cut myself off and try to explain it a different way. One where I won't have to admit that I so desperately want to tell him how I'm feeling and move on to the next stage of our relationship.

"Why?" he presses. "He was just joking."

"Yeah, I know that," I hotly say, getting annoyed at his impatience. As I say these next few words, his face softens. "But I was just caught up in imagining us. And how much I want to move forward and have a future with you."

This is the most I've ever hinted to him that I love him. And I didn't need to tell him how frustrated

His face melts into a smile and his hand finds mine, holding it softly. Our fingers entwine and he says, "I think it will be a great future."

I smile in relief, looking through my lashes at him with a hint of playfulness. He says it so certainly, almost like we'll be getting married tomorrow.

We've packed a forever in less than a year, and with him, I've discovered myself more than at any point in my life. I discovered my 7 fears with him, and I'll eventually lose one with him.

He sees things in me, sometimes that I don't even see in myself. He brings out the best when I only saw the worst.

I press my mouth against him and smile. "It will," I murmur.

And with those two words, I know we're infinite.

+ + +

"I'm so happy for you Chris," I tell her later that same day as we hang out at her place.

She smiles. "Well, enough about me. I think we need to focus on you and Four."

I roll my eyes. She knows this is my favorite thing to discuss in our "girl talk."

"So," she says. "I'm guessing that you still haven't slept together and you still haven't told him how you feel."

"Well, in my defense, he hasn't told me to my face," I say, trying to take all the blame off myself, knowing I'll soon be getting a lecture.

"That's because he's afraid you'll run off, Tris!" she exclaims.

I sigh, looking downward. In a way, I want to tell him, but I want him to feel confident in himself, us, and also him to be able to tell me to my face. I'm not sure I can give myself to him and show him how vulnerable I am if I haven't heard where he stands.

"Listen, Tris. It's up to you. You have the decision to make. You love him, you know he loves you, you know he would never leave you. What are you waiting for, Tris?" she says, hoping to urge me and inspire me into something I'm not ready for. I'm 16. Almost 17, but still. Am I ready for this?

"That's the thing," I say whisper dully. "Will he? When he sees how little I have to offer, he'll run off? Hell, I would run off away from myself if I could."

"Tris," she says, sternly. "He won't leave you. Not for that fictitious excuse."

"I'm not joking Christina! You don't understand. He's so perfect and manly. He has this amazing body and when I'm around him, I feel like I'm about to melt, or burst into flames. When I'm without him, I yearn to be by his side again. He's so amazing and he deserves someone so much better than myself."

"I'm sure he thinks the same," she points out. I shake my head and jump as if a bolt coursed through my veins when there is a rough knock on the door.

I turn around and hear a voice. His voice.

"Hey, Chris? Can you open up?" Tobias asks.

"Sure!" she calls. "Wait one minute!"

She leans over to me and instructs me to hide in the bathroom. "I'm going to try and get some answers from him," she says with a wink.

I'm about to refuse when I'm pushed into her bathroom against my will.

"Coming!" she shouts. I hear her voice and footsteps muted through the door. That means that I can't make a sound or I'll be heard.

I hear the door click open from the other room and hear Tobias's voice, low, asking, "Hey, is Tris here?"

"No, she left a few minutes ago. Why?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know," he says. "I'd better get going, then."

"Hey, before you go, do you want to talk?" she asks.

"Uh, sure. Why not?" he responds, hesitantly.

This is going to get interesting . . .

+ + +

Okay, originally I had planned on a much longer chapter that I have written, but I wanted to give you guys something rather than nothing at all. It sucks because I've just started high school, and due to the fact I'm taking all honors and AP, my time after school is dedicated to homework and soccer. It really stinks because writing fanfiction is one of my favorite things to do and I just can't find the time so far. So sorry. I'll update as soon as I can. <4