J | Ring
I never really stopped crying since he came to me to know the answers. I am such a terrible person, i know. It's really weird and this isn't normal anymore. I keep pushing away and rejecting love which i shouldnt be.
I was a coward.
I thought i was brave enough to go on my own.
I was stupid.
....Stupid of not realizing that the ones who loved me are willing to stay behind but i was the one who keep asking them to go away.
"Apo, hindi na kita maintindihan," my Gran almost say it in a whisper.
I know.
"Hindi na nakakabuti yung ginagawa mo sa sarili mo," she touched my cheeks and i started sobbing.
"Lola, gusto ko lang naman pong mabuhay siya ng normal at maayos na buhay," i said in between my loud cries.
"But you know this isnt the way to do it. Julie, mahal mo siya, alam ko yun. At mahal ka niya. What is the point of you pushing him away?" And there i felt needed to be alone to think. Gran has a point. And then i began to realized that i was really that idiot from doing these things!
Gran left me inside my room to think all alone. And the next morning, Nanay Erin was there.
"Pinapunta ko na siya dito para may kasama ako," she said quietly and i nodded. I felt that Gran started to get annoyed by my actions. But i couldnt react right now.
Seasons are changing and so are the people. But in my case, i was the one changing.
I skipped meals and left the house for days, just randomly exploring the place and trying to think.
Chances are rare and i am missing one that is surely changing my life.
The pain hit my heart once again. I knew i have no one to go back to now. I have no place in the world to call home. Because the home that i knew i could stay was only his heart. I made him believed that i fell out of love which was totally a lie. I wanna hate myself right now.
This was not me. This was somebody else.
"Julie?" a soft voice came out of the deafening silence.
"Abi," i tried to smile.
She sat down beside me and let a moment of silence fill in before she spoke.
"Let go of the past, Jules. You have right nows and tomorrows to create another story of your lives. It's okay," she tapped my shoulders and i looked at her with my teary eyes.
"Abi, ang tanga tanga ko," i sighed.
"I feel you," she giggled.
"There are things that we keep running away from instead of chasing them back. Julie, being sad is really tiring," she advised, trying to pull a sweet smile on her face.
"Wala naman na akong babalikan eh," fighting the urge to cry, i answered in whisper.
"Julie, the problem is... You havent tried to move," she guessed and that it slowly came into my mind that she is right. That i havent made a move to try to work things out again.
I heaved a deep sigh and nodded.
"Thank you, Abi," i gave her a big hug and she started laughing.
"Here's my calling card. Well, i dont have the normal ones. Just take this. Im going back to Manila tonight to fix my mistakes. You know, Julie. Let the battle begin," she chuckled and i accepted her card and saw the details on it.
