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My Elmo,
While you're reading this, i may be a hundred or thousand meters away from you now. I may reached the place where i wanna be right at this very moment.
I know this is so sudden and im sorry. It is not my intention to hurt you again.
Moe, im sorry that i had to go away and it is me this time who decided to quit the battle. Guilt was all over me and i know for sure that im gonna regret for the rest of my life.
I cant see you hate me over and over that is why as early as now, i have to get away myself from you.
I dont know how to tell you this personally, so i wrote you a letter.
I am terribly sorry.
Moe, 4 years ago, i had a miscarriaged.
And there was a faded tint around the words, proof that she had been crying while writing this.
I lost a life that i should be taking care of. I was stupidly reckless. I lost a gem. I lost your daughter.
Upon seeing the word "daughter", a sob escaped from my mouth. I dont have the courage to continue reading it but i have to know the whole message.
I lost her, our baby girl, our Isabella Pia.
Isabella Pia. It is such a beautiful name. And that name was the one that she has been calling in her sleep. Now i understand.
Moe, im so sorry. I know you'll never ever forgive me. I decided to leave because i saw how much you love me. Not just seen but i felt it. And im so sorry i couldnt give it back to you. I couldnt love you, Moe. Not the same way that you do to me.
Moe, i don't love you anymore.
There was nothing wrong with you. It was just me.
Im sorry. I couldnt face you anymore. The guilt and pain swallowed me.
Moe, you deserve someone better. Way better than me. I cant let you be part of my world anymore.
I promise you, you'll be okay. I'll walk as far as i can and i wont let you see my shadow.
Moe, you live in a world where i dont belong. It is not easy, i know, but you'll get used to it.
Live the life that is written meant just for you.
Love someone who can love the way that you do.
Forget about me.
Im so sorry.
I promise not to show up to you anymore.
Live a life that you want without me.
Im sorry for everything.
-julie
Right after reading her letter, i drown myself into this feeling. At first, i almost forgot how to react. But it is slowly sinking in my mind to my heart and to my body that my Julie left.
She left me.
She's gone.
I cried all my tears until i ran out.
There are so many things in this letter that changes my life. I dont exactly know that i was about to have a beautiful life with the one i love for so long. Also.....
