J | Temporary
I woke up the next morning feeling exhausted. I look under the sheet and i was still naked.
A smile formed on my lips as i try to remember what happened last night. It will be another memory to keep.
I touched my swollen lips and looked at my body. It was perfect, more than that even. Last night was the end. The end of everything.
I stumbled into my pen and a piece of paper. With all the tears of love that i could let out now, my heart was broken into pieces as i wrote a letter. For him.
My Elmo,
I started and tears were falling on the paper and washing away the tint and ruining it.
I wrote all the details and words that i have been holding on for so long. I couldnt even tell him personally, but through this, i know he would completely realize that i dont deserve him. That i have to get away. That this isnt the right place for me to stay. That im not the one.
After writing my long letter for him, i took a quick shower and had a breakfast with Gran before going out to start the day.
"He has to leave early, mahal ko. Tumawag yung Daddy niya at parang importante yun," Gran told me as i sat on my chair and i just nodded.
"Abu, gusto ko sanang mamasyal tayo next week. You know, we havent done anything since we moved in. Might as well breathe fresh air from the other places," i smiled a big one and Gran clapped her hands as she agreed.
"Bisitahin naten sila Lolo mo bago tayo mamamasyal, mahal ko, ha?" She asked and her perfect smile is something i couldnt resist. I nodded and then she came to me and gave me a hug.
Right after my task, im gonna take a break.
So the week has progressed so fast and it was a dream come true to have been able to impart my knowledge in the art that i used to admire, do, and loved.
The talk i had on the school for newbies in the world of fashion was a success and i can see a colorful future ahead of them. I saw their talents and abilities in the field and im just so happy to met such an incredible human beings in the world.
I stayed in the shop, at Ate Max's in the afternoon and then to the studio at night. It was a fun week and a busy one. I learned a lot and im grateful for that.
I wasnt able to see Ate Max and Andi for the past days for i know they are also busy writing and doing the story of their lives.
I was at the cemetery and spent a few hours every after a day plus today.
"Hi guys! I brought a food!" And i smiled before sitting down and offered them a slices of pizza. It's weird right? But i knew and i can feel that they are around me, looking at me and listening to every word i say.
"Gran and I will be out for a few days or more than what we are expecting. We wanted to explore a little bit," i said and then looked at Bella's place. I touched the grass and scattered a lots of flowers on.
"Baby, it's time to let go. Everything is soon be over," i whispered and a tear fell from my face.
"I love you, baby. I'll see you soon," i sobbed and then lit a candles infront of them.
I was home before 11 in the evening and Gran was sleeping on her bed then. I went in and fixed her blanket as i kissed her goodnight.
I took a quick shower and fall on my bed while i check emails.
All were not so important except for one from
Elmo Moses Magalona
I clicked his name and waited for it to load for the message.
"Hi baby,
I'll be out for long days. I am so busy right now. I wish i could hug you at the very moment but we're on a different side of the world. I'll see you when i get back.
Stay.
I love you, Julie.
-emam
My tears ran down my face again when i read his short mail for me.
Tomorrow, i'll send him the letter i wrote days back.
The letter that will end everything. Us.
The sun's rays were reverberating and peeking through the horizon lightening up the surroundings. It's another day. A brand new day. I sighed deeply as i forced to walk out the room and fixed everything.
When everything is ready, i made sure to have the house locked safe before we leave.
And when were done.
"You ready?" I asked Gran with a small smile on my face.
She held my hand and she nodded before taking a deep breath and asked me,
"Im ready. Are you?"
She smiled sadly as she carressed my face. I didnt hold my tears back. I hugged her as tight as i could and she tapped my shoulders and kissed my cheeks when i started crying.
I knew she understand what i was doing and what im about to do. She has been on the same lane as i am. She knew when everything is wrong and when something is going good.
"It's okay, honey. You'll be fine," she whispered and i dry my face and drove to drop the mail and then hit the lane.
• • • • •
More than 5 hours or so isnt so bad when the view that will welcome you is as perfect as what you have in mind.
Baguio. Finally.
It's the only place I know could relax me because of the calming ambiace and breathtaking view. The quietness and cleanliness makes my breathing more even okay than the place i grew up to.
It's time to hug the air as i went for a few minutes walk from the house that my father own.
The trees were too pretty and i even took a photos of them. The sound of deafening silence was slowly fading as i reach a few famous spots of the place.
Ahh. New faces. New style. New environment.
"Nakapag relax ka ba?" Gran asked when i came back inside the house and she was standing beside the chimney.
"Abu, hi. Opo. Ang lamig na sa labas!" i shriek as i saw the fire starting to grow.
"Kumain ka na doon. Hindi pa ako nagugutom," i heard her say and i shook my head. I feel fine. Im not that starving even.
"Mahal ko, kahit sa maikling panahon lang, ipahinga mo ang sarili mo," she began and i smiled at this beautiful human being infront of me.
"I will, Abu. I just need a space. And time."
She nodded and then held my hand.
"But there is nothing wrong about going back to somewhere i knew you belong," she stated meaningfully. I get what she meant and so i just nodded and would want to drop it off right now and i wanted a peaceful end of the day. I just wanted to see the sun down peacefully. Beautifully.
I told Gran to rest after we had a small talk and she said she's staying up for awhile.
I went inside my room and studied the place. I like it in here. I opened my long windows and stared at my new pretty view outside the house.
I can see the city lights. The moving colorful bokeh like lights that i can see from afar, probably the cars passing by. I can hear the silence again. I can smell a perfect clean air from the surroundings.
It is a pretty house. The one that i usually dream of. This is my father's house and i have no words for it. I can stay here forever but i know that this house will never be the one for me. Never will i call it home.
