Julie | Realized
It has been three days since I last saw him. Since my mind started to think of a gazillion crazy stupid thoughts about him.
There's no thinking or turning back, i know. But how could i not if he's around me and that old same feelings kept on coming back? I know this is so wrong! It had only been 4 days or so since I saw him again and i fought so many years about these thousand feelings but in just a snap of a finger, it breaks everything.
I moved my hanand touched the canvass. My overused fingers tapped the empty part with an acrylic paint color as i go on and on and on creating something and presenting the beauty of other hues.
"Mahal ko, tama na yan! Lets have some tea," I heard my Abu called and so i set my unfinished canvass near the door and washed my hands rushedly.
"Abu, hot chocolate sa akin!" i screamed and i think i heard my grandma laughed.
"Okay, hot chocolate daw para sa mahal ko," and then she handed me a huge cup with an almost full hot choc.
"Thank you," i took my cup and take a sip as Gran sat down right infront of me.
"How's work, so far?" She asked.
"Okay naman po. Our studio is working so well! I had shoots these past couple of days. We making money, ooh la la!" I sang and she giggled. Oh how nice to see and hear Grandma laugh!
I smiled a toothy one and added, "Ang ganda mo!"
"Oh come on Julie Anne San Jose!" and then she touched her hair and tucked them in behind her ear as we both roared in laughter.
"Seriously, Abu, ang ganda ganda niyo po," i said sweetly and then she came near me and gave me a warm embrace.
"Thank you, Apo. Pero mas maganda ka naman. How is that?" she kissed my forehead and i melted inside. The best cheesy moment with my Abu!
"Mana ako sa inyo eh!" I teased and she nodded.
"Pero mahal ko," Abu's voice turned... Sad.
I waited.
"Wala ka bang balak hanapin yung Mommy mo?" and there goes the question that I hated to hear.
She left me. Us.
I thought they, Mom and Dad, were both too inlove. But then one day, i saw my Dad in their room, blood all over the floor. I was 10 years old then and knew nothing about what was happening. Dad nearly killed himself. Mom just suddenly disappeared into our lives which makes me question everything but it better be unanswered. As i grow up, i realized, that maybe there was lacking. Maybe there was something wrong. Maybe a bad situation, a huge problem... Or maybe the love itself.
Until one time, i was playing the piano in my room when Gran came in and told me things that I hardly understand at the very moment of my life.
It was too heartbreaking to see my Dad lying on the bed with his eyes closed and tubes all over his body. They told me he loses control and his car crashed by the bridge and that he was drunk driving. I cried my heart out as I knelt towards the altar and prayed for his fast recovery but after a week, he gave up. Even him left me.
It was the darkest moment of my life realizing that i will no longer have someone to call Dad. But there were Grandad and Grandma let me feel the love that i needed. They fill in my heart with full of happiness and hope and love and all and i am beyond thankful for them. Soon after, we lost Grandad too. It was a long and short journey. Life is too fragile and so is love.
