In search of herself

I'm sorry

For every bad thing I've done my good seems to disappear.

People forget that there is a heart that hurts in me too.

Suddenly I'm such a horrible person.

Suddenly my love was fake.

Suddenly I am to be blamed for everything.

Suddenly the only bad person in the whole world left was me.

Stuck in the middle of a vast ocean and on every shore stood people who didn't want me or blamed me for something.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I know I'm not a great person.

But I'm trying.

I'm really trying.

I don't need to hear that I'm not a great person from other people too.

My heart hurts too when people question my love.

When people question my integrity.

But I have to stay silent so I don't hurt them back.

I just listen and pray for them to stop after every word that leaves their lips is meant to break me.

Whoever said words can't hurt, weren't hurt by people they loved or trusted.

I don't know who to turn to so I just fold in on myself.

I break in silence so no one know.

In the darkness so no one can see.

I'm sorry I end up hurting everyone even when I don't intend to.

I'm sorry.

Every moment I was angry and tried to hurt someone, the guilt gnawed at me.

So I swallowed my words and instead I apologized.

I'm sorry.

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'Till next time, take care guys🫶🏼