Setting Ourselves Up

Charity case

James

I must be dreaming.Or having an nightmare.
I can't really tell the difference yet.

Seeing Jade laying on my living room's sofa ,the one my mom used to say she had helped her pick out and looking like she was always meant to sit there -does something unpleasant to my stomach .

I immediately take of my gear and try to act like a normal functioning being .

Only then do I notice my mom's face .
Shit.
That face .

The you did something wrong and I've already decided your punishment ,but I'm waiting for the right moment -face.
Fucking great .

And the worst part ?
Im already home so I've got no actual escape .

I notice Jade looks ..off .
Not angry .Not calm either .Just pale .

Like she's been sitting through something she hasn't fully recovered from yet.
She turns her head slowly when she spots me .

And for a second I believe she might say nothing at all .

Then she lifts a weak hand and points her finger at me .
"We need to talk" -Thats it .Four sentences.Four sentences that made my breath hitch .
I sigh and  wipe my face with my hands before rushing towards the couch but then ,as soon as she notices me getting closer ,Jade suddenly feels better and stands up to walk to the door.And I ,like the pathetic prick I am ,stumble behind her .

"Okayyy"- i said ,slipping my hands in my pockets ,"dramatic exit.Noted"
She doesn't even look at me
"Im serious"

I follow close behind her before waving weakly at my mother and closing the door behind me .

"Alright lay it on me "-i sigh ,and the look on Jade's face is enough to make me ready to fix something i can't even see just so she'd stop looking at me like that .

She starts picking at her nails ,eyes anywhere but me .
I reach out without thinking ,and lightly pinch her cheek.
Her head snaps towards me instantly.

"What's wrong Cherry?"-i murmur ,frowning when she turns away from my hand .
That name doesn't land the way it usually does .She doesn't roll her eyes while smiling ,and she doesn't try to smack me while I run away.
She has an expression I can't quite make anything of yet .And that fucking terrified me.

"So"-she says flatly ,"when were you going to tell me about your little charity case?"

"What?"-i scoff ,forcing out a laugh .
"You're going to have to actually use your words here ,you actual menace "-I smile at her lightly .
It doesn't reach my eyes.

"Yeah"-she lets out a laugh .
But it's wrong .
Everything about this is ..wrong.

Her smile isn't real.
It isn't warm .
It's ..sharp.
And for someone who goes crazy when she gets sharp with me ,i sure as hell am not enjoying this conversation or whatever the hell you can call this .

"I tried using my words"-she says ,her voice tightening,"to get you to stop fucking with my head my entire childhood "

Sowehow my smile and stomach drop at the same time.I don't think a kick in my guts could crush me more .

"..Jade"

"And I actually belived you had changed "-she continues,voice shaking now ,"I actually thought maybe there was something good left in you "

"God I am stupid !"-she throws her hands up ,then clenches her fists like she's hesitating on pushing me .Id rather she'd do that ,then hear the sadness on her tone right now.

I step closer ,slower now .
"Okay "-i say quietly,my voice barely a whisper .
"Then tell me "

Her eyes flick up for a second before dropping again.

"Tell me what the hell you feel stupid for "-i add ,fucking terrified of how I must've fucked up something again ,without even getting the chance to win her back, "because frankly ,im losing my shit here Springs"

"This !"-she points to both of us .
"Your little idea of fake dating ,you offering me a shifts at your job ,building that stupid shelf "-her voice cracks at that last part .

And it fucking ruins me .

That shelf .

She fucking loved that stupid shelf.

"Everything!"
Her lips shake as she repeatedly shakes her head.

"Did you do all of this ,because "-she swallows before adding ,"because you felt sorry for me ?"-she finally looks at me now ,her eyes wide .

"What?"-i look at her in disbelief.
"God ,fuck no!"
"No ,no no  ,Jade that's not my intention at all ,I swear "-i try to cup her face or do anything ,to get her to actually listen to me but she steps back from me .

" You don't understand what those years did to me "
She swallows.
" I had to sit there and act normal after everything you did . I had to learn how to talk to people again and try to build everything back up from scratch like nothing happened "

She looks up at me .

"And you just ..show up now like you get to fix it "

"I bet you had a good laugh huh ?"-she chuckles to herself .
"You put a lot of thought to this too ,got it all planned out "-she won't stop shaking her head .

"You were so nice about it too "-she continues,voice rising now ."The film ,the fake relationship.Acting like you cared about my social life -

Her breath hitches .

"When you knew the reason I lost it in the first place was because of you"

My words get stuck in my throat .I know that trying to reason or try to explain to her right now would only make things worse .

She thinks this was pity.
That everything I did was just guilt dressed as effort .

She couldn't have hurt me more if she tried .

Because if she actually belived that -

Then nothing i really feel matters.

"Just leave me alone ,okay?" this is the longest she has managed to look at me this whole conversation .

"Jade I promise ,thats not what I"- she cuts me off before I can even finish

"Forget about building that bookshelf ,I wouldn't want you to spend more energy into something not real anyway"-she steps back ,already turning away

My chest tightens .
"Thats not what this was "-is say ,quieter now ."You're not even listening to me "

She pauses .
Not fully turning back,just enough that she can hear me .

Looks back once more .

"I'll pick up my last check tomorrow,but after that "-she says firmly -

"This whole thing ,whatever it is ,it's done "

A beat.

" I'll help our friends alone ,i wouldn't want to add anything else to your conscience list "

Oh my little menace ,you have no fucking idea how terribly wrong you are .

A/N -Broo I haven't opened Wattpad in ages so sorry if this whole thing feels a bit rushed or doesn't make that much sense .I have been in deep with so many exams and school ,but I finally have a little bit more time now.

Pls do not be mad at Jade ,you gotta understand ,girlie pop lost all the friends she did have at some point because of him and her anxiety from this makes her even more paranoid about his true intentions.

All the love ,M <33