Dedicated to a sweetheart . (Thanks for supporting!)
Wednesday92
Check her fucking shit out! ;D
So, this chapter is a bit different than usual. But I'm planning on going back and re-doing all the chapters like this, depending on response. So at this point, an opinion would be more than appreciated.
I honestly like this chapter, a lot.
It doesn't tell you what happened, I'm aware. It'll come out in the next chapter.
There's a hint though. Right there. v v v v
Pity is for the living , envy is for the dead .
And then tragedy struck. It struck me so silently, so fast, so undeniably hard. It struck my heart. The one thing I tried the best to protect, and it was smashed. My heart literally felt dead. Rock-hard, stone-cold, and black. My chest felt like an empty void. My head hurt. My body ached. My life felt over.
I left town. I just forgot about everything. Well, I didn’t have anything, not anymore I didn’t. I didn’t even have myself, no. Nothing but empty skin was left. My body felt hollow. My mind felt dead. My heart felt inexistent. I was gone. The last ounce of life that was in my body, slowly crawled its way out.
Have you ever had your life literally hanging by a shred? When the last thing, or only thing, you’ve ever truly cared about has gone, and your left all by yourself, what do you do? You kill yourself.
And oh boy, how I wish I did. How I wish I had just took a razor and sliced my wrists slowly, letting every single drop of blood poor from my veins. I wish I would have tightened a rope around my neck, and hopped off a chair, and felt the swift crack of my neck. I wish I would have taken a gun, cocked it, put it to my forehead, and blew myself away. Anything, but lived.
But no, I was too weak. Too weak to do anything but cry myself to an oblivion, sleeping with mores guys than usual, and doing progressively more and worse drugs. I started sleeping with guys for money, and spending every night at another guys’ house. The way I saw it, I was getting money and a free place to spend the night. I had no other choice.
There was no way I was returning home to my Mother, and my Aunt wouldn’t let me back in her house, so I was stuck. Stuck in the cruel, sad, dark world.
You know, Doc? I don’t see the point of living. You studied all that, didn’t you? Have scientists figured out our reason for existence yet? Probably not. I don’t believe there’s a reason we’re all alive. I think that if there is a God, than he made us for amusement. He gets to sit up there, on his golden throne, and laugh. Laugh at our stupidity, for believing we have a purpose. Laugh at the fact that we have nothing to live for. Laugh at just us, us and how he made us.
We’re all animals, right Doc? I mean, is there really any difference between you and a dog? Nope. You play the same useless role in life. Did you hear me, Doc? You’re fucking useless. Yes, USELESS. You’re as useless as I am. How does that make you feel? What do you have to say about that, Doc?
I hate you. I hate this place. I hate this notebook. This single notebook will hold every single depressing sad useless moment of my life. And for what? Nothing. This notebook is so fucking useless! I don’t care if I’m mental, alright Doc? I don’t care. I don’t care one single, tiny little bit. You’re making me go mental all over again, don’t you see that? You’re making me relive everything that’s made me this way!
For what? Please, just tell me. I just want to know why I have to re-live through all this pain. It won’t do anything in the end, no amount of medication, or counseling can save me, Doc. I know you know it is true. Just give up, alright Doc? Give the fuck up.
I don’t want this life. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be in this world any longer. Do you hear me Doc? DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME? I’m sure you do. I’m sure you get what I mean. I’m sure you know that you’re fucking torturing me, by putting me through this.
Do you care? You were specifically assigned to me. You’re supposed to care. You’re supposed to know how to fix me. Do you Doc? Do you know how to fix someone like me? Someone as fucked up as I am?
The only way to fix me, is to let me end me, Doc.
YOU ARE READING
She Doesn't Care . (Being Edited)
General FictionFollow the story of a girl named McKenzie during her high school experience, re-told years later, when she’s asked to explain her adolescence. McKenzie wasn’t such an ‘average’ teenager, even in her own generations’ eyes. She was the type of gi...
