Bad Dreams //mgc

78.

*Michael's POV*

God this killing me. I'm going out of my mind! She hasn't shut down to both Ashton and I since the month I met her. My god I'm so clingy, this isn't good. How am I supposed to do a tour without her if I can't go 4 hours knowing she's upset and I can't do anything about it? This is fucked up. I wish I was drunk right now. Fuck it.

To Ash
Bring me some beer? Lots of it!

To Mike
Hell fuck no. Cara will be home soon. She needs you sober.

Fuck you asshole. Luke will.

To Luke
Bring me beer please? Ashton's being a douche.

To Michael
Are you kidding me? You need to have your head on straight when Cara gets home

To Michael
Or you will make it worse. Just listen. Don't instantly try to fix it or persuade her. Let her know you understand

To Luke
Wtf? Where did this come from?

To Michael
Cara

To Michael
She just needs to vent. To you, not just to me.

She vented to Luke? Luke? Instead of me? Fuck - I can't get jealous of Luke, oh god! I'm not going to get upset. That's what I wanted, right? Earlier I didnt care who she talked to, as long as she talked to someone. Remember that Michael. Pull your shit together.

I'm pacing the room as Cara comes in the door, smiling like her normal self again. It is the most wonderful sight in the world! I'm no longer jealous, I'm greatful!

I grab her by the waist, rougher than I intended to, and pull her in for a kiss. I feel like it's been months! She giggles as I pull away. "It hasn't been that long Mikey!"

"When you're upset, it feels that way." I don't know if I should say anything about her talking to Luke, so I keep it to myself for now. "You seem to be feeling much better now, though!" It wasn't meant to sound like a question. I know she feels better after talking to Luke, I'm just curious if she'll tell me about it.

"Yeah I am," she says while leading me to the couch and I sit next to her. "I... I'm sorry for shutting you out Mikey. I know you were worried, and I appreciate you sending Ash and for giving me space. I need to apologize to him for being such a bitch. I didn't mean to be. I just, I didn't want to hear that everything will work out, that we'll make it through tour just fine, when we don't know that. When Ashton told me I needed to talk to someone, whether it's you or him or Cal or Luke, it got me thinking, because that's what I really needed. Just to get it out and work through it myself, without any feedback, just the comfort of someone who cares to listen. That's why I asked Luke to come to work. Out of all four of you, Luke and I talk the least. I knew he would just listen to me rant without saying anything in return. He's too awkward to know what to say. Which is what I needed."

"I'm -" she put her finger to my mouth to make me stop talking as she continued.

"I am so insanely excited for you guys! I am! This is what you guys have dreamed about for years and it's finally coming true! But I'm also very very scared. You know all too well how my only other long distance relationship worked out, or didn't work out, I should say. I am terrified about us being apart for that long. There are going to be millions of girls, a lot more attractive, with a hell of a lot less baggage than me, throwing themselves at you. There are going to be drunken parties, and we both know all too well how quickly those can change your life. I'm also scared for myself. That I'll be forgotten, I'm scared of what I'll do when you're gone. My life revolves around five people right now, and four of them are leaving me. I just don't know what I'm going to do without you guys! The thought of being alone again scares me to death."

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I am supposed to comfort her, reassure her that she is the only one for me, or just listen? I'm so confused now. I want to tell her that she's the only one I could ever be with, but I understand her fear because we really don't know. People, myself included, do some really stupid shit when they're drunk. And god knows I can't and won't avoid that for months on end. So I fall back on the one thing that always works.

"Bubble bath?" I ask her. The smile on her face says it all, so I lead her into the bathroom and start the water. I quickly undress then slowly and gently undress her. While we wait for the bathtub to fill up, I pull her into me and just hold her tight. After the water's ready, we climb in the bubbles, allowing the heat to relax the stress away.

"Angel, I'm not going to tell you its going to be easy, because it's not going to be. I'm not going to promise you that you'll will be fine, that we'll be fine, because you're right, we don't know that. Life always has a way of dealing us the shit hands. But I am going to tell you that I love you. And only you. Mistakes happen, especially with alcohol involved, and I'm not going to lie and say I won't drink because we both know I will. But I promise you that I will never intentionally hurt you. I could never forget about you, even if things fall apart and we end up hating each other, I can never forget you and what we have right now. And no matter what happens, you will never lose the rest of the guys. They love you too much."

"But if-"
"It's my turn to talk now, angel." She shut her mouth and let me continue.

"I am scared of losing you, too. I'm scared of my dumbass self doing something to screw up the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't say everything will work out just fine, but I can tell you that no matter what happens, I believe that we can work through it. I love you, Cara, more than I ever thought was possible."

a/n: the remainder of this is strictly fiction, unless it deals with moving past any of the demons of my past. I'm not sure yet how and when to end it. I'm just going to play it by ear!