Wobaozhewo
-----
The first thing Hyukjae did when he woke up the next morning was check his phone.
It was there. Daniel's phone number keyed in with a '^^' right next to his name, the dazzling proof that the day before had been real.
"I... don't have your number," Daniel had mumbled, shyer than Hyukjae was used to. The silence as they exchanged information was comfortable in its awkwardness, both unsure of the next step yet still wanting to enjoy this moment that they had.
Hyukjae had wanted to bask in the exhilaration of it all, to stay in that moment of just being with Daniel, but Junsu had shoved a mop at him and reminded him that he was still at work.
It was just like him to rain on Hyukjae's parade, Hyukjae sighed, though if he were to say, it felt like a light drizzle with the sun still out. The parade went on and Hyukjae still couldn't stop smiling.
"I'll come back tomorrow," Daniel had said, oozing a bit of sunny skies himself, and stealing one last kiss before ambling out the door, a little swagger to his step. Jeongsik had stared on slack jawed in disgrace.
That kiss carried Hyukjae into the next morning.
He was still breaking out in flushed giddy smiles as he locked his bike outside the cafe, feeling like nothing could bring him down from his cloud. That was, until he caught sight of Youngwoon sitting carelessly at one of the tables by the wall. Junsu was beside him seated just as careless, a melancholy sort of grimace set on his brow.
Junsu and Youngwoon both did not make any motion to move when they saw Hyukjae come in.
Outside, clouds drifted into the sun, and the room dimmed into a cold gray.
"Hyung? What are you doing here?" Hyukjae asked. his steps slowed as he reached the chair across from them.
Youngwoon looked Hyukjae directly in the eyes, arms folded across his chest. "I've decided to give up Coffeehouse," he said, his jaw clenched tight.
"What?" Hyukjae gripped the chair in front of him. He knew, they all knew, what it meant to him, what Youngwoon had given for this place. It had only been a few days since Hyukjae last saw him and things had been fine, for the most part. He thought everything had been okay.
"I'm leaving everything to Junsu. He's already agreed."
Hyukjae looked over to Junsu, whose face twitched into some variant of a smile. His eyebrows seemed to be in disagreement with his mouth. "I'm moving up in the world," he joked, and no one laughed. Youngwoon maybe smiled, but it lacked a boldness that Hyukjae had admired from his usual easy expressions. Compared to that, it was barely a dim glitter of what it once was.
Hyukjae felt like a rock had settled at the pit of his stomach.
"B-but why? I thought you were going to partner up or something, not. Not this. I..."
Hyukjae didn't like how the two of them exchanged glances, like they hadn't worked out how to tell him.
Staring Hyukjae directly in the eye, Youngwoon sighed, "I'm being transferred to head up our expansion project in Japan. Take charge of the branch there. It's a long-term project, and there's no guarantee I'd be back before my father kicks the bucket and I inherit."
Hyukjae saw something of a glossy sheen in Youngwoon's eyes as he explained.
Hyukjae remembered the last time he felt this way, grasping for words of comfort, with his parents when he told them about his withdrawal from school. This was different though. He wasn't sure if his words were needed. He wasn't close to Youngwoon by any means other than as a hyung that treated him well and his absence had, for the most part, gone unnoticed. But still, his hand in things was definite. Junsu always had something to say when Youngwoon wanted to change the menu; Youngwoon always showed up with some vociferous words of his own when Junsu changed something around on his own. And not to mention, Junsu had always lorded his "supervisor" status above him. Think of the lording he could do with Owner status. If Hyukjae were being truly honest with himself, he was only the slightest bit scared because Junsu would have owner's perks. And it wasn't as if he hadn't worked to get this far. He had known what he had wanted to do since forever, it seemed, and here he was, fulfilling his dreams faster than he had ever planned. And where was Hyukjae? Still here, still an undergrad, and only a surface scratch of a clue what it was he wanted to do with his life.
Really, he hadn't realized until this point how long it had actually been since he had started working in this cafe.
Summer had changed to fall had changed to winter, and spring was upon them now. That thought churned him into a mix of anxiety and sobriety, changing from one to another and not knowing which to express. Months and months of mindless routine, thinking that he would have more time later to sit down and make some serious decisions about his future. What had he been doing all this time?
"Isn't this too sudden?" he managed to eek out.
"My father found out about me being here. I don't have much of a choice."
"Wait, so it's my fault?" Hyukjae asked with dismay.
Junsu said without vitality, "It's not. It's been on his mind a long time and his dad just made his things simpler. He's taken serious consideration over this; and things won't be so different. Just my name on the deed." With a smug grin, he added, "And you get to be my servant."
And a unicorn was being born somewhere in the depths of Atlantis. Hyukjae reached across the table to swat him as Youngwoon laughed. He missed, of course.
"It's definitely not your fault," Youngwoon affirmed, his mouth setting into a grim line. "It's mine." His hand on Hyukjae's shoulder gave him little comfort. "If I ever come back, there might be some negotiations for a partnership then. You just keep on as long as you can and keep Junsu company until he gets his sea legs in," Youngwoon grinned with confident expectation, that boldness Hyukjae was used to.
"I need to get back. We'll deal with the legal stuff later, maybe the summer," Youngwoon sighed, "I leave in September, so we have time. He'd have me out sooner, but the branch office isn't finished with construction. Nothing for me to do there and everything to do here, so at least I'm not up and ditching you. I'm not gone yet." He seemed to say that last bit with force. Not the kind of force that came from hope flying on a prayer, but the kind that stemmed from determination, and knowing.
Junsu got up from his seat. "I'll be here," he said. A bit of mixed comfort and grief could be found in the almost pitiful excuse of a grin anchored onto his face.
The two moved into a one-armed hug, clapping heartily on each others' backs.
As Hyukjae looked on, he didn't know whether to say something, something like "Hey, I'll be here too," or "Good luck," or... what. Hyukjae knew how Youngwoon had depended on Junsu from the beginning, impressed by his junior's knack for finance. At first, it was just learning the business together, Youngwoon taking up the brunt of the work; then, it gradually but quickly transitioned to Junsu as Youngwoon's father caught wind of things. Youngwoon had trusted Junsu to upkeep Coffeehouse for him, and they had supported each other from afar--Youngwoon with Junsu's management skills, and Junsu with Youngwoon's professional burden. A relationship of peer intellect... and friendship, much like his and Daniel's, Hyukjae supposed (barring the attraction--Hyukjae couldn't imagine that numbers and calculations were as beguiling as words and form).
In that sense, any words of impact Hyukjae could think of wouldn't hold a candle to each others' small gestures, so he kept silent.
Even when Youngwoon left, Hyukjae didn't offer anything more than a small wave and sad smile. He and Junsu went on to get the cafe all ready for the morning traffic and mostly kept to themselves, letting everything sink in. A time of solemnity to appreciate the bad with the good. Congratulations and celebration would come later.
-
The second Daniel strolled in the door, Hyukjae scurried to get an Americano ready, all previous thoughts pushed to the back of his mind. A wave of shyness rolled over him, the memories of the day before preventing him from looking Daniel in the eye.
Walking to his table, Hyukjae shook. He hadn't trembled so hard since his first day of work, only this time, instead of being afraid of a crazy stranger, it was being nervous around... Daniel. And that was, in itself, nothing new, Hyukjae reassured himself. But the thought that the day before hadn't actually happened, that it had been nothing but a really pleasant dream, still niggled in his mind.
Daniel took the cup Hyukjae offered to him, drank it, and grinned. He motioned with his free hand for Hyukjae to lean forward, taking him by the back of his neck, dispersing all doubts of yesterday's realities, and whispered, puffing warm air on his lips, "If I kiss you, would you run away?"
Hyukjae's eyes immediately grew wide, and his mouth sort of twitched around in shock.
"I'll... take that as a no," Daniel said, gently brushing their lips together.
He could feel Daniel's smile, he thought and as Daniel released him from his caress, Hyukjae was torn between just standing there or diving back down for a deeper kiss. The latter was tempting, but really not a feasible choice if he ever wanted to show his face at work ever again, or just ever in front of Junsu, who Hyukjae knew was probably already texting Jungsoo about every detail while trying not to laugh too heinously.
Daniel's grin was nothing but impish and possibly faltering as he said, "I wondered all night. What to do. Seeing you again, I mean. I... think this was a good choice."
Hyukjae agreed in his mind first, trying to keep his hands from fingering his lips, then nodded. His mouth seemed to have stopped working, the muscles in his cheeks burning from the smile stuck on his face.
There was a pause as Hyukjae stood, and Daniel peered behind him. "I think, uhm, your boss wants you to get back to work over there."
Hyukjae turned around, and there Junsu was, holding out a mop and nonchalantly glancing around presumably for a helping hand. "Oh. Yes. I. Yeah. I'm just going to, yes," he stated very intelligently, walking backwards as he gestured in the general direction of the mop. He bumped into a chair on the way. "Ow! Oh. Yes," he said, and he turned away, a hand covering his mouth (fingering his lips).
"Wait," Daniel caught his arm, "I wanted to ask. When do you clock out?"
"Oh, I get off at noon, why?" Hyukjae answered, careful not to sound too eager.
"Oh well, I was wondering... since--We don't really see each other. Outside. I mean, of here," Daniel asked, scratching his brow, pulling at his earlobe, mussing through his hair, like he was looking for something to do with his free hand. Hyukjae was very acutely aware of his other hand still encircled around his arm. "Did you-er. Well, yes, did you want to? Hang out? Out there?"
Excitement pinged around his chest cavity like a pinball. "Y-Yeah, sure! I. Yeah."
"That's good," Daniel breathed, as if he was expecting a no. "We could get lunch. I mean. If you want."
"No! Yeah! Okay!" Hyukjae blinked and hoped that didn't sound as stupid as he thought it did.
"Okay," Daniel smiled. "You... I should let you get back to work. We can talk later."
Hyukjae nodded, smiling too, and practically floated over to where Junsu was standing.
"You should mop your lovey dovey insides off the floor," he grinned.
"Shut up," Hyukjae replied, but still matching him grin for grin. It seemed his mood was incapable of spoiling, even when Junsu sent him to the farthest end of the cafe from Daniel and had him mop the floor there about three times before sending him to the back room to take out a fresh batch of cakes.
Today would be a good day.
-
Ten minutes. Nine minutes and fifty seconds... Nine minutes and forty...
The time was going by too slow. He'd been passing the time cleaning, but he'd been wiping the same cup for 20 minutes now. He should have found something else to do because each second that passed, hearing the cup squeak with each scour, seemed to make him more nervous.
At a glance, Daniel looked immersed in a paperback, worn and faded brown. But Hyukjae, who had been watching him with a close furtive eye, knew he was sneaking glances at him, obviously not paying attention to whatever was in front of him. Hyukjae was pretty sure he was doing it on purpose, to make him feel... He didn't know, but he thought Daniel knew what he was doing better than he did.
He didn't understand his own excitement. He didn't get why he was so happy, why he felt like jumping around the room, why he was acting like such a kid. He thought he had outgrown his stomach tumbling in giddy pleasure, just looking at a person. Hyukjae supposed that it was different when it was more than just looking at someone. It was the returned gaze that made him bubble over with some kind of fantastic cheer.
"Just leave," Junsu said.
"But--"
"I'm not paying for you to just stand there looking useless. Might as well not be here," Junsu ribbed.
"You're not paying me," Hyukjae said. "Yet," he tacked on, feeling a little sharp yank in his stomach as he remembered Youngwoon's news from that morning. He quickly pushed that aside and said a sincere "Thanks."
He finally put away the outstandingly immaculate cup and went to clock out.
As Hyukjae headed over to the man that he had been waiting ages to go to, Junsu sang, "Have fun with your boy."
There was a pause as a frantic train of ludicrous and unecessary thoughts abruptly chugged their way into Hyukjae's mind. Your boy? As in my boy? My boy what? If he's my boy, does that mean I'm the girl? Hyukjae blanched. Daniel was older, with more life experience. It was so obvious he would take the lead, but Hyukjae didn't know, couldn't piece together what it was he would be taking the lead in. It wasn't as if either of them had made any confessions of undying love or named anything explicitly, but he had assumed there had been some agreement, some mutual understanding that they were... tied to each other, somehow, now. What if he was being naive?
Daniel looked up and his shoulders straightened. "Ready?" he asked, pocketing his book.
"Yeah!" Hyukjae nearly squeaked.
"I was thinking maybe of going to this place I know, close by. Walking distance. You... Are you okay?"
Hyukjae shook his head, not even realizing that he'd been staring. "No. I mean, yeah, I'm good. Let's go!"
Junsu waved them goodbye and Hyukjae ducked his head to hide his reddened face as Daniel took his hand, so gently as to almost be shy.
A breeze blew gently as Daniel lead them down the street. He seemed to gain more confidence with every step, his grip on Hyukjae's hand like he never wanted to let go, while it took every ounce of will Hyukjae possessed to look at the person that now held him firm. He looked at their hands now folded together, lightly swinging in time with their legs. Hyukjae lifted his head to look straight at Daniel, and quickly turned away when the look was returned. He couldn't help but notice Daniel's hair protruding messily from under a black beanie that covered half his head. It looked nice, he thought. Should he say it aloud? Was that too trite?
They were walking at a leisured pace, following each others' steps. It calmed him, each stride easing his palpitating heart just that little bit.
"Professor Lee's been asking about you," Daniel said, starting off the conversation. "How you're doing and all that."
Something about the statement put Hyukjae back on edge. "Oh. Yeah?"
"Yeah." Daniel's tone had a casual flair. "Wanted me to see if you were interested in being his student. Letting him mold you more like," he laughed.
"I... haven't really thought about it."
"Oh, is there anything holding you back? He's offering you a really big thing, I think."
"No, no, I-I know. I just... was... busy with other thoughts." Mostly Daniel-related thoughts, but good luck getting Hyukjae to muster that out. "Are you worried about me?" he asked as the thought crossed his mind, feeling Daniel's sweaty palm pressing against his.
"I worry about you all the time," he answered, not even batting an eye. "I don't want your talent to fade," and before Hyukjae could feel insecure, he added, "I don't want you to fade. You don't think I see how you brighten up when we're talking Rimbaud and Shakespeare? Words in rhythm? If you trust me and my advice, just do it. No harm, no foul."
They had encouraged each other many times since the start of their acquaintance and this time wasn't any different. Just like how Junsu and Youngwoon had each other's backs, Daniel was reliable to Hyukjae. Even when he had students to worry over, mixed with his own graduate work, he gave Hyukjae a chance, a reason to use his brain and work towards set goals. One rhyme, two, then three, describing simple things like a packet of sugar, or the sun in the sky. Daniel had never pushed, but maybe nudged him in only where he thought Hyukjae would benefit most. He hadn't steered him wrong yet.
And it came down on Hyukjae like a ton of bricks. Why shouldn't he do it? He was certainly in a position to now, with his future being the misty fog it was. He loved writing, and he had once, for the barest of fleeting moments, had a dream to write forever. Ideally with some kind of income involved. This was like heaven dropping the chance of a lifetime into his lap, so easily, like it was divined. There was no reason to reject Professor Lee's offer. It wasn't as if he had any obstacles in his way; Daniel was advocating it, no one else would stop him, and it wasn't like work would be an issue (with a few nudges in Junsu's side). The professor seemed interesting and trustworthy enough. From the two times they'd met, Hyukjae seemed to get along well with the man. Daniel had said he was a bit on the 'insane' side, but in literature, that was the telltale sign of a genius.
"I want to," he said finally. "It isn't too late?"
Daniel grinned. "You never gave him an answer. He's still waiting on you."
And there, Hyukjae's resolve strengthened. "I think I'll do it. Maybe I'll drop in on my day off--"
Suddenly, his phone rang and he fished it out of his pant pocket with a free hand. Seeing who it was, he took pause for a moment and just stared, as though he were weighing the pros and cons of taking the call. He breathed, part in anguish and part in self-reproach, and pressed the answer button.
My sister, he mouthed. Daniel just nodded, happy to continue leading their comfortable gait.
"Hello? Noona?"
"Hyukjae-yah, have you eaten yet? Are you busy right now?" His sister's familiar voice flowed smooth from the receiver.
"A little busy. I'm going to eat right now with someone." Hyukjae felt his cheeks burn flames and hoped it wouldn't come out crackling in his voice.
"You're on a date?"
"No! Not a date! Noona, I--"
"I can't believe you! You haven't been calling me because you got a girlfriend! And didn't tell me!" she berated, dashes of her light laughter in between.
"Noona, no!" Hyukjae said, a little too loud. "I'm-I'm out. Just out. Right now. So. I'll call you back later, okay, I love you," he prattled and hung up so fast, he wasn't even sure she heard his goodbye. He shouldn't have answered her call in the first place, he knew it, but she didn't call often, and there was guilt clawing at him for not returning that last one she'd made.
"So if this isn't a date, then what is it?"
"What?" Hyukjae turned to realize they had stopped in the middle of an overpass, their hands no longer intertwined. Daniel's question sounded casual, if not for the riveted stare accompanying it. "No, I, I just wasn't sure. I didn't want to assume since... since..."
It was a slip, he knew, a momentary blunder because he wasn't sure and didn't want to presume anything. Could he admit his uncertainty? His lack of confidence?
Hyukjae steeled himself against Daniel's unwavering gaze, trying to feel for any way to explain. "Since... you never, and I never... explicitly. We didn't ever... say," he ended lamely, another mess of words left in his downward spiraling wake.
"Say...?" Daniel looked genuinely confused. "Hyukjae, say... what?"
Hyukjae stayed quiet as his brain struggled to uncover some amazing alternative to the overused cliches that kept surfacing themselves needlessly in his mind, until one stood out above the rest.
"I want to dream the rest of my life with you," Hyukjae said, but more like mumbled, with his eyes squeezed tight as if he were wishing the surrounding air would consume him into oblivion. It felt almost unnatural to say it out loud, these words of his, but still, as they rolled off his tongue, he could feel a heaviness leaving with them.
"What?" Daniel leaned forward, unflinching and almost impatiently took Hyukjae by the hand.
No matter how Hyukjae tried, his eyes couldn't look Daniel straight in the eyes, so he settled at their joined hands. "I want to dream the rest of my life with you," he repeated at an audible level, surprisingly steady, "I'll leave my heart by you now."
Daniel looked a bit like he had just been struck by thunder, his mouth parted slightly open. Hyukjae found it an enticing invitation to bend forward and kiss it closed.
He gave in to temptation, a light peck tracing Daniel's mouth with his own, tasting the aftertaste of Daniel's morning coffee, and his nose trailing along Daniel's cheek, inhaling his aftershave.
They broke apart only when Daniel pulled away, slow and unwilling. Hyukjae thought unwilling, because of the eyes that didn't leave his lips.
Having gotten close enough that there wasn't an inch of space between them, Daniel whispered, "We're sort of on a busy street," as if it mattered that cars driving by at 60 km/h could see them.
"Un," Hyukjae agreed, almost giving into a mewl as Daniel circled his arms around his waist as his own arms wrapped around Daniel's neck.
"So... it was you--It--The napkin... was... yours?" Daniel asked. "You... wrote that?"
"Em. I. Yeah..."
Holding him closer, Daniel laughed, planting a kiss on the soft skin under his ear, right beside the jut of his jaw. Hyukjae shivered.
Understanding evaded him. Being around Daniel, near him, talking to him, made him feel so lacking, and yet so replete. He made him feel as if nothing else mattered, his lips trailing kisses along his chin and meeting his mouth; it felt right in every way, words or none. He wanted to hold on to and savor that feeling, of being close to him, of being comfortable with him, of... Of... loving... him?
"Destiny, destiny. It's like we were meant to be from the start," Daniel murmured against his mouth, in amazement, in ecstatic wonder.
"You... You really think so?" Hyukjae asked, in a haze of emotions and senses meshing together. The question was so simple and sincere, even he knew how childish he sounded.
And that was all right.
For all their intelligent conversations, all their poetics, it was all right that they were reduced to the awkward sputterings of dumb fools in--
Something like love.
But, right then, Daniel's low hum swept through him, "I was made to be with you."
Hyukjae felt Daniel's grin and thought calling it love wouldn't be so far off.
They never got to that lunch.
-fin-
