Among Us (boyxboy) [ON HOLD]

Chapter 35 - Regression

When my alarm blared in the morning I found that I had barely slept at all. A look in the mirror confirmed that. My face was a pale mask marred with red half moons under my eyes and cracked lips. The hair I had probably throughly knotted with all the tossing and turning I had done during the night stood on all ends.

I sighed and pressed my right hand to my face. Another awful start to a probably equally as awful day.

Nonetheless, I got ready and headed to university, succeeding this time. I knew missing my lectures yesterday hadn't been one of my best ideas as I'd had exactly that one lecture I'd always make myself look bad in.

I stopped by the gates of the building I had come to hate so much. Everyone was, while not exactly happy to be here, seemingly alright. They were either bored or stressed, yes, they had their parents expectations to carry, they had financial problems and probably a million other things to worry about. But they all stepped through these gates, managing to smile when they saw their friends, or make some lame joke about the upcoming lectures.

Once again I found myself in the position to envy them. I envied every single one of them. Had I a choice, I would take their place in a heartbeat. I would leave all of myself behind, just to finally be in peace.

And sometimes I loathed myself for these thoughts. I loathed myself for prioritising my problems over the people I loved.

And still, I could never quite rid myself of these thoughts completely.

"Hey! Listen to me, man!" Someone was shaking my shoulder. I blinked a few times and moved my eyes from the tree I had stared at to the person next to me.

"Dude, I've been trying to talk to you for like ten minutes. What the hell is so fucking interesting over there?" His head was going back and forth between me and the direction of the tree.

"Nothing. It's gone now." Was all I whispered as I quickly pulled my shoulder back to avoid his touch on me. Still, that one single hand on my shoulder had already triggered a sense of panic to bubble up from my guts. I swallowed and closed my eyes for a split second, willing myself to calm down and concentrate on the situation at hand.

There was no doubt in my mind that the guy hadn't come to me because I'd been staring into nothing or acting weird or for any other reason that had anything to do with me.

"Okay, man. You hang out with Citts, yeah?" he asked casually, hands disappearing into his slightly baggy shorts. How he could wear these when it still wasn't getting much warmer I had no clue. He was probably one of these people that were just warm all the time.

I scrunched my nose up of the mention of yet another of Citty's nicknames, this time a version she really did not like at all. She'd said it reminded her of her 'lady parts' as she'd so gracefully called them.

"Yes." I answered shortly, not wanting him to notice the tears already making their way into my eyes.

Citty had never been amazingly popular around here, but she'd had a lot of friends anyway. She'd repeatedly ditched some just to hang out with me and have lunch with me, so I knew. I was aware of how much she'd let go to be with me. The first time I'd had lunch with her popped into my head and I choked up.

"You know where she's gone? She's like, completely disappeared, y'know?" He asked, waving to some people that walked past us and gesturing to his friends that were waiting over by the entrance to go on ahead.

I looked at him in a daze, not completely registering his words, only remembering Citty's sarcastic comments about her other friends. I had once asked her why she was friends with them if she so obviously didn't like them. At that she'd laughed out loud and told me that when she teased people, it meant she liked them. From that moment on, she'd used every given moment to poke fun at me and after hug me and coo at me to not hate her for it. At the beginning it had scared the shit out of me and I'd have panic attacks in the bathroom every single time afterwards. But with time it got better and in practically no time at all I had to suppress a smile whenever she'd hug me like that. She'd healed me then and hadn't even known it.